ive been in a relationship for four years is it time to end it??

Question

me and the father of my children have been together for two years after i had my first son i relapsed and went back to drugs and cheated on him and we split up for three months, we got back together and everything was good, i got pregnant with my second son and had some problems with the pregnancy at around 6 months he started sleeping with a girl from his work, he lied to me about it for almost a year and now i cant seem to get over the fact that he did that, we are trying to work on things but we are alwase fighting about this, i freaked out when he told me ans slept with one of his friends just so i could feel better but it has made things worse, i know this isnt a healthy relationship, nbut i cant picture my life without him i love him and i know he loves me and we have two boys together, please if you want to leave a mean comment then dont but if you have some advice please help me

Answer 1

You and your boyfriend have both been through some rough times together. You obviously love him, and if he feels the same way about you as you do him, then your relationship stands a chance. One of the first things I would recommend is to leave your past behind (both of you) because that will completely block any progress that can be made now and in the future.

You need to sit down together and have an honest talk about where you are with your feelings toward one another and the strength of commitment you are willing to pass on to one another. You need to create a set of rules to abide by during this conversation i.e.;no finger pointing, cussing, blaming the other, etc. Then you haved to stick to those rules. Make the first rule be that there is absolutely no room in your future for past screw ups and bringing them up to hurt one another. The past is just that...it's over and done. Now build your present and future.

Create a blueprint for happiness with your sweetheart. Find positive and constructive ways to bring the love and trust back in to your lives. I know counseling can be expensive, but you may need to get help from a professional. Pastors are a great resource for free counseling if you are into church. You can also call around to find out what counseling resources might be available to you either for free or on a sliding scale in your community.

You've both been blessed with two children. Imagine what positive role models you can both be to them by displaying mature and loving behaviors as a means to solve your problems.
It probably wouldn't hurt to get rid of some of the activities and friends that you know will hurt you. Do things together as a family. Go camping or fishing, or plan a picnic. In order to change your lives, you have to change the things you do. There are four of you who need to heal. If you are both willing to give it everything you have, and if each of you will help the other up when you fall, you won't fail.

I've been married for 23 years and our lives haven't always been a bed of roses. A strong relationship takes a tremendous amount of hard work, forgiveness, and commitment. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Annie

Answer 2

Whenever there is conflict in a relationship and drugs and cheating are added to the arena, you have to know you've got serious problems within the relationship. You and your boyfriend appear to love each other, but you gotta know, that love alone is not enough to make for a lasting relationship. If you and your boyfriend wish to save any shred of what is left of this very unhealthy relationship you both need to start fixing what is wrong from within. This means, no more drugs, no more cheating etc etc. The only way to do this is to face your problems head on and to seek professional help. You two have been struggling how to deal with the damage that cheating has done to the trust in the relationship which sometimes the hurt can be overwhelming. Stop lashing out at each other as you can see this has not helped. Begin to see one another as human beings who make mistakes, and learn to forgive with guidance from a licensed counselor. I know how what you two are going through can be so painful, this is why you need the help of professionals to help you both untangle the mess your marriage is in. Best of luck to you both..

Answer 3

It sounds like you & yours have been though a lot. I know it's hard to leave the person you love. Think to yourself; is this the way I want to live or YES I'm happy. Which sounds like you? I wouldn't stay together b/c of the kids. The children's doesn't need to see you guys fighting. Kids can scene when things are bad. If you both want to stay together you need to go to counsoling, talk thing out, try to rekindle the love.
Remember to worng does not make a right!
Good luck

One time I was in a very bad relationship.
So on a peice of paper I wrote down all the good things about him & are relationship & on the other side I wrote down all of the bad things. Just say the bad was more than the good. It was hard but I finally left his ***. Now after time, I'm happier than ever.

Answer 4

First off how bad do you want this to work? Would the father of your children go to therapy to try to make this work?
Would he be open to this? I do not know how you get over someone cheating on you - it's very hard and trust is such a key factor.
Do you belong to a church? (Perhaps there is a 3rd party)
Maybe you can take tomorrow and sit down to a nice dinner and say you want to make this work and are willing to trade the past for the future? After all you have two children.
Everyone makes mistakes. We all deserve a 2nd chance - however you have to stick to your words. Good luck!

Answer 5

Wow! This sounds like a real messy relationship, but having said that, the only advice I can offer is to think of your children. They deserver better from both of you and certainly don't deserve a mother on drugs. We all have problems I know, and I am sure you have heard all this before, but you brought your children into this world and they are totally dependent on YOU -- together, not apart. The only way they will grow up and have a decent chance in this hard, cruel world is if they have good role models in their mother and father and a guiding hand from mature, caring parents. Children are not stupid -- they can see when parents don't get along and it effects then. My advice to you two is BEHAVE, GROWUP and think of your children

Answer 6

You cheated in the past, that probably at least in his mind gave him more a reason to cheat on you. As far as pregnancy goes though, no sex for a while is'nt going to make a guy cheat; but "freaking out" on him and making him very unconfortable around you will push him away far enough where cheating is and option, not just for sex but intamacy too. A year is a long time to be having and affair, if it were a one time thing, you could probably work it out. It's more than sex that keeps him going back to this woman, chances are your relationship is over. Don't worry though, lifes not over.

Answer 7

It is time to realize that the past is the past and that there is no way to change those things. If you can forgive yourself for the things you have done you will be in a much better position. I would recommend NA for you as to the drug problem, which should also help you with your self esteem issues that you have. Let me explain...you realize that this is an unhealthy relationship right? Unhealthy relationships stem from unhealthy people right? why is this unhealthy person unbearable to live without? If you raise the standards for yourself and refuse to accept less that what you deserve, unhealthy people stop entering our lives as they no longer have a place, and we can start being happy or content with ourselves which is really a very important thing.

Answer 8

I think you are being very mature in recognizing the fact that you simply are not working in a healthy relationship. You should part while you still care about each other before it turns into hate. The children are better off with parents who can tolerate each other during custody exchanges, etc.

Answer 9

mmkay
well looks like you have a really
big problem
I'll help
So well what i see here is that you love this man
and he loves you too but all you guys do is hurt eachother
and cheat and lie
well you see im not that old im young veryy young
and well you might say i dnt no much
but thats not true
when your my age
you exsperiance everything
see there well there was this guy and i loved him soo much
but well all he did was hurt and cheat on me
even though all my friends said i shouldnt like him and
I dated him four times
I thought i loved him and i thought
i couldnt live with out him
and i thought all my friends were just jealous that i
was the only one of the people in our group
that loved some1
but all i wanted was the way he treated me
when we were dating he was soo
sweet and nice and new
all the right things to say but after he said them he
didn't mean them
but im sure your husband means it
and all and im sure he loves you to death
but think about it do you really want to live with some1
who hurts you and you hurt him back
and i know you have two kids but
my parents got a divorse
and i was okay i was happy
cause my mom was more happy
because she didn't have to fight with my dad anymore
she was basically free from thoose problems
but like i said im young soo you don't have to take my adice
im just trying to help

Answer 10

well maybe you need him in your life, but as a good friend. you and him both deserve someone that will treat both of you better! maybe you think your in love because you havent had any really love. I know its hard but I really think you guys should move on, not forever, you can still be friends or just take a break and date some other people.