Do you think certain expereinces can change someone for the rest of thier?

Question

life. I have been going through a very difficult time and since this all happened, people tell me that I am not the same person. I see it too...but I want to go back to the person i use to be, but this past experience has effected me in many negative ways. I have been in therapy but still I feel less then I was before. How to cope?

Answer 1

Of course your experiences change you, that's what makes us human. You may be working out a rough issue right now, but in the end you will know yourself better and will be more compassionate for others. You probably (if you think about it) don't really want to be the same person that you were before because that would mean that you are not growing.

I had a very lousy experience with a manipulative and abusive borderline personality disordered spouse for 18 years and that has left me terribly scarred emotionally. But you know what, it has made me a better friend and a better person. I can empathize with others and I'm not self-consumed any longer. I see the world and the people in it differently now. I'm much deeper emotionally and I understand loss better. I appreciate more than I could ever tell you the happy days in my life and the blessings that I've known. I don't let them pass without thanking God. You will too - you'll see.

It takes time to get over the kind of stress that you've been under. Try to think of things that make you happy and notice what goes right in your life instead of dwelling on negative emotions. Take care of your self physically and emotionally and nourish your heart with good things.

I try to remember too that "what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Answer 2

Well, there is both good news and bad news.

The bad news first: people change all the time. And experiences are primarily the ways in which the change comes about (if we never experienced anything different, physically, emotionally, psychologically, we would remain infants).

The good news: if we can change from a happy person to an angry person, then we can also change from an angry person to a happy person.

The problem is that being an angry person is harder to get out of because we usually try to deny who we are now (which makes us even more angry) and try to be who we were.

First thing to remember is that denying who you are now, and what you are going through in terms of your feelings, will only make them last. Feelings need acknowledgment and expression before they can be 'passed' by the person. The more you deny those feelings, the more your emotional and psychological part of you insists upon them.

Lets take a general example: you had a horrendous break-up and now consider the opposite sex to be 'evil'. Trying to go back to the person you were before the break-up isn't possible because that person doesn't have your experiences. Trying to be that person won't work because that would mean you are denying your experiences now, which would make them grow even stronger (you hate the opposite sex even more because they changed your outlook, which would make you more nostalgic for who you were, which would make you hate them even more for making you like this, etc etc etc.)

We gain our outlook by experience, so since your negative experience is still 'recent', how can you expect to be someone else whose experiences are totally different than yours (someone who has never had the experience, or someone whose bad experiences are emotionally past them?)

"Be angry at the sun for setting if these things so anger you." Robinson Jeffers.

Be angry and upset now, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Answer 3

Of course experiences can change someone. If something traumatic happens in someone's life, it can change their behavior and personality. However, it is also possible to cope with what happened and to move on. Getting over a major event in one's life can take a long time but it is possible to get over it eventually. Stick with some sort of therapy. Support groups are shown to as if not more affective than one on one therapy, so you could try that if you haven't already.

Answer 4

In my opinion, therapy is just an expensive conversation between two strangers in which only one person profits, the therapist. Yes some experiences can change certain aspects of your life and those changes can be good. Make a list of what has change about you compared to your old lifestyle and compromise on what to keep of the changes. Life is all about sacrifices, but only that person can choose what to sacrifice. Just give a shot.

Answer 5

Experiences change all of us rather they are good or bad. Attempting to help you with coping can be difficult due to not knowing the nature of your change or what may have caused it. One thing that is always a common response is to face the experience that changed you. Identify what kind of change it was, was it thoughts or feelings toward something, was how you felt about yourself, was it how you felt about a person. Identify what it is and work toward the feelings that you want to feel instead of the ones you currently feel.

Answer 6

you will NEVER EVER be that same person you were before Ive been through some sh!t in my life that has changed me beyond what I thought i could be BUT out of the bad **** i found out some good things ive changed for the better To cope? well ive tried lots of things DRUGS DONT WORK (i tried it) Alcohol doesnt work (still trying it lol) honestly i still havent found a way to cope meds seem to work for some people writing helps alot i used to do it just write about whatever is on your mind write a poem a story draw you need to stay busy Its ok to feel bad more days than you do feel good If you need you time take it and if people cant deal with that then you dont need them

Answer 7

Major events do change us, both for the better and for the worse. Unfortunately, I don't think it's possible to go back to being the same as you were before. If there are things you really don't like about how you are now, you can work on changing them, but you can't just go back to being who you were.

Answer 8

Yes ,I think events in your life play a big part in who you are.
Bad events can either make us grow stronger or loose our way in life. Learn from your mistakes and resolve to not repeat them.
If you were in a bad relationship do not let that person take anymore of you away. Be strong from the inside out and hold on to the real you.

Answer 9

I don't think its necessarily a bad thing - some things you go through do change you. But I have found they have made me much stronger, much more capable of handling stress and horrible events. I'm much more calm under pressure. All of these things you go through change you and help to mold you into a more mature person.

Answer 10

You will always be different then you were before...but it doesn't have to be a bad thing.... you can be a person who grows from experiences... they don't have to define you...there's nothing that says you should be changed in any specific way..... but be paitent...