the air is like ice and the trees are bare,
my heart is frozen yet it can still care.
my eyes are emotionless but there is still sight.
my smile is rare but it still shines in the night.
then the sun rises and the spring appears.
you are my sun though all the years.
you warm my heart and my body follows.
when i am around you i find it hard to swallow.
now the sun is warm and so is my soul.
a change so vast love must be you tool.
my eyes are caring and i smile a lot,
in this season while the air is so hot.
now the end is near, i can feel the cold.
my heart is freezing up and your promises are old,
now my smiles are gone and my eyes are sad.
i have felt the heat and i long for it bad.
the year has past and my love is lost.
now i wait for the new sun to rid me of new frost.
doo you like my poem, and be honest?
2007-03-06 07:43:42 · 18 answers · asked by Love Lust Life 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I loved your poem! I loved it so much I'm thinking about plagerizing it. I'm cutting and pasting right now. (JK)
Very, very nice. It reminds me alot of my poetry. I like your rote and the imagery. I'll be sharing it with others. Thanks for posting and keep it up!
2007-03-06 07:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by tashay72 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well... My maternal language is not English so may be I couldn't be objective...but on the whole I didn't like it much...The metaphors are shallow and the feeling is changing so fast that in the second I start to feel some kind of depth I loose it right away...
But I repeat this could it be because I'm not native speaking English. Good luck!
2007-03-06 16:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by Annabelle 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Full of emotion - great stuff. One typing/spelling error though - have a look at the 10 row. Keep going.
2007-03-06 16:03:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do I say? There should be a Rainy season too in your poetry. It is a good start. Keep it up! Be optimistic poet.
"Its God gift to us,
air is flowing every where.
you can't stop to breath,
it will automatically come,
on your way."
2007-03-07 04:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by Param 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good. may be the line"my eyes are motionless but there is still sight" needs more work. Put something other than the word "sight" then it makes interesting. who is I in this poem? Is it you or are you describing something else?
2007-03-06 16:08:53 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♪♫Priya_akki™♫♪♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi freind,
its fabulous, i think u have written the best poem i have ever heard.u r a genius. can feel yr emotions clearly.i think u should write some more.pls send some more poems.u should polish yr inner talent.
and i am honest.
all d best.
2007-03-07 07:16:05 · answer #6 · answered by macky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let not your smile go and let not your eyes be sad
have love and have faith
wait for the dawn
good nice superb!
keep it up
and see u r a great P
2007-03-06 18:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by laloo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello dear your peom is very good.i wish i would give it a suitable tune and make a song.
2007-03-06 18:54:05 · answer #8 · answered by peter d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude this poem is sooo.. rocking.Man you really hav talent.If you hav more then please send them over.You really got talent man.Its not easy writing such things.I'd love to read more of your poems.Made me realise how beautiful life really is.
2007-03-09 12:03:10 · answer #9 · answered by k_libranwrath 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it. what the heck is "emotionless"? it is kinda flowery. try to make your poem a little more straight forward. and i love the imagery :P
2007-03-06 15:54:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋