Just want to know what others think..... about boyfriend sleeping with another chick while pregnant??

Question

I am just about 7 months pregnant and don't really get in the mood anymore for intimacy. My boyfriend is a sex addict. We discussed bringing a second person just intill after i have the baby and the 6 weeks is up. We have guidelines set of what he can and can not do with the other female. And I quite honestly think that it can't hurt our relationship any because we are being wide open about it and I will know everything that goes on. What do you think??

Answer 1

I used to be a pretty open-minded wife. I don't believe in physical cheating, rather emotional cheating. My hubby and I have an extremely open relationship and we talk about everything, even him possibly sleeping with someone else. It never used to bother me... until I got pregnant.

Lately, I get extremely p*ssed off at my hubby when he even looks at another woman. And it never used to bother me, I'd look right back and tell him if I think she's attractive or not. Now, I want to rip his eyes out of his head.

An open relationship like this can work, if you are open and communicate with each other clearly. You're already off to a good start, by laying down guidelines, but he will break the 'rules' and you won't be able to handle it as well now as you might've done when you weren't pregnant. Now is not a good time for you to start the whole 'open relationship' thing - you're not emotionally stable enough to handle it. And I say that in the nicest possible way, as a pregnant woman I know I'm not emotionally stable enough to handle my hubby messing around now.

If you started this before you got pregnant, you might've been able to pull it off, but not now. Hand him a bottle of lube and toilet paper, give him a 'helping hand' every now and again. You're doing all the hard work, let him suck it up - going without sex for a few months won't kill him, and he's being extremely selfish to complain and worry about something like his sex life. In the grand scheme of things, it's not such a big sacrifice for him to make.

On the other hand, I also understand what you're saying. You'd rather have him do it 'in front of you' than behind your back.

I suggest, and this is just my opinion, you talk about this open relationship thing again after the baby's born and your hormones have settled a bit. And remember it goes both ways.

Oh and by the way, if he's really a sex addict, send him to therapy. Sex addiction isn't healthy for anyone, physically or emotionally.

If you're going to do it anyway - press the importance of condoms, for heaven's sake... don't let him get one of them pregnant or even worse, bring home some kind of disease. And get him tested regularly - it's the responsible thing to do.

Answer 2

I think that just saying "he's a jerk" is not what you're looking for. I understand the whole open relationship thing, my husband and I have discussed it and while neither of us had pursued it, I understand the draw. That said, I think you really need to think about why you are doing this. Has he been diagnosed as a sex addict or is that just something he told you? Believe me, some guys have serious sex drives, but that doesn't mean that they can't control themselves.
I kind of sounds like you think it would be easier to let him be with someone else than to have sex with him right now, which I understand. (I had a dip in libido when pregnant, too) Maybe you can offer to help him masturbate, or watch porn together. I think in the long run you will probably be happier with that decision. In the end, though, it's up to you. Just realize that his "addiction" isn't likely to stop once you're back on the sexual wagon. He's probably always going to want other women in the equation once they are introduced.

Answer 3

You say you're open about it, but sometimes your feelings and thoughts will change when it finally happens. You're also pregnant and overly sensitive. I think that he can wait a few more months until after the baby is born. Sex should be an emotional connection, and your sexual relationship should be based not only on trust (I can tell you trust him) but on the fact that he respects you. And he should respect you enough not to bring someone else into the relationship. I've heard of couples who have had open relationships (not while pregnant) and thought things were great but then realized that the mental stress was damaging them even more. Please rethink this. You two have a child together now.

Answer 4

let me tell you that from EXPERIENCE it is not that great of a situation...this was before i was pregnant. i was looking and feeling my best ever, well we did the whole 3some/ 2nd girlfriend thing... sure it was all "hot & erotic" for a wihile, then like others mentioned you begin to think, well does she do this better? does he love her? will he leave me for her? am i really that important or is this just to fufil a sexual fantasy? those are not emotions that you need to be dealing with post partum... well needless to say that did not last too long. it did not hurt the reationship, but it certanly did not help at all. i actually regret that situation, because now almost 2 years later, he still mentions that he would like that to have continued, and i try not to think, well do i not satisfy you enough?? i am now 34 weeks pregnant, and he mentions that it would be nice to have a 2nd girl, to deal with when i cant have sex, but i keep mentioning to him that "there are other ways that i can please you" i think that if you want to feel insecure about yourself than to do that, otherwise i reccommend that you suck it up (no pun intended) and please your man... we have an extremely open relationship too, but i just dont think that this is the right time to intruduce a second girlfriend into the mix... the emotions that i have now, are sooo much more unstable than when i was dealing with this situation 2 years ago... i would NOT at all reccommend trying this out now, just because i know from both sides that this idea in such an emotional roller coaster....and bing pregnant, you are already on one hell-of-a ride!!

Answer 5

All I can tell you is my husband and I had an awesome relationship that was built on trust, respect, and communication. Although we weren't expecting we talked about and had a threesome. Let me tell you. From the moment it started, the sex, was the exact moment my trust, respect, and communication with my spouse was through. Don't do it!!! If he is such a sex addict and cant wait for you to come around then you really don't mean that much to him to begin with. He should be thinking ONLY about you and the baby. My opinion is it will not hurt your relationship it will DESTROY it and anything the two of you ever held sacred and shared. Good Luck!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Isn't the whole idea of being together mean 'being together' just the two of you? what will his next excuse be? ''Sorry, love you're not in the mood because you've just had a baby' - I think I'll go with someone else' Respect is not a word he understands - obviously. You're carrying his child, surely that should be enough for him to be faithful. If he is a sex addict, he can get therapy if he is committed, if not, kick him to the kerb!

Answer 7

i am a very open minded person and i do NOT think it would be a good idea, one reason is because he got you pregnant, its his child and he should stick by your side through out this, you have no control over how you feel... secondly he might want to continue having sex with other people behind your back after he gets a taste of it. i think it would just be insane, and your feelings might also change after he has sex with someone else and that would only cause future problems, you two are bringing a child into this world and you don't need any dysfunctionality going on. if he cant deal with the fact that you dont feel well, than you guys just dont belong together.

Answer 8

Huh?

OMG. I would kill my husband if he ever ever ever even thought of such a ridiculous excuse for sex!! Sex addict, whatever. He wants to fish in the pond and he's estactic that you're on board.

You are pregnant.

Time for him to get over himself and think about someone else. What kind of father will he be if he can't think of you at this time?

Guidelines?

That still doesn't mean you won't get your feelings hurt!! He's having sex with another woman while your pregnant. When you are most vunerable.

Do you really want all the details?

Answer 9

Well, are you looking for commitment? if you think you will eventulally marry then I do not suggest bringing in a 3rd party, trust me. But if you are just **** buddies having a kid, then why the hell not? But I would be carefull no matter what to make sure the other party has a clean bill of health, free of any std's.... make sure you get her tested, dont just goi on her word, even if you really know her well.... My friends had a 3sum, and trusted each other, now they both have aids, juist cause the 3rd party didnt even know herself! I dont feel bad Cause i told them to get her checked. Play is safe and smart! Good luck with the next few months.... babies are tons of fun, but a pain in the uterus!

Answer 10

You might end up with an STD when you and your boyfriend start having sex again. If my husband even suggested another person, I would divorce him in a heartbeat because that is a sign that he doesnt love you and he will probably cheat later in life. This is why it is a very bad idea for people to have sex out of marriage because they feel its alright to do stuff like this.