Is something wrong with me?

Question

Is something wrong with me?
Generally I have a very high self-esteem. Whenever my sister doesn't get her way she slings insullts at me. Such as, "You're fat", "You're ugly", "You're a freak", and other choice swear words. It never used to get to me but lately they have been affecting me more than usual. Is there something wrong with me? How can I make her stop doing this?

Answer 1

Hi..

First of all, it's time you stop being silent about your sister's treatment to you.

Confront her, ask her why she keeps saying nasty stuff about you, tell her she's not an angel herself, and that everybody has flaws but what matters is how much respect we can earn inspite of our flaws. She has to stop being such a snob. Since she's your sister & you two share DNA then she's not any better than you.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

The affect others have on us can be correlated to three distinct aspects:

1) The constancy or scarcity of their comments.
2) The confirmation or denial of others.
3) The degree to which we esteem their comments.

Thus, someone who you see rarely, who you can't stand, and who blatantly lies to you, is someone who is not going to be able to affect your self-esteem (your sense of self) very much, or if at all. In fact, they may actually reinforce it, since their actions will only show how 'right' you are.

However, start affecting the constancy of the remarks, the lack of input from others, and add esteem to the picture, and the influence they have over you can become significant indeed.

You say you have 'very high' self-esteem. Has there been instances where that idea has been challenged (trouble at work, relationship problems, etc etc) so that you are more vulnerable to her attacks? Although intellectually you may not believe her, if other events or people have made you feel 'worthless' or 'unsuccessful', then your sister's attacks will appear to be an emotional confirmation of such (the emotional part of you will go, 'maybe I am a freak?' and will not be able to distinguish that voice from your sisters, hence you will think it is your own.)

As for making her stop doing this, that is iffy at best, depending on how old she is, what her situation is, and why she is responding the way she is. The better idea is to bolster your defense in the other areas: confirmation from others and lowering the esteem with which you regard your sister. Just because she is your sister doesn't make her an 'authority' on anything. She can be an idiot just like the rest of us.

If others are also contributing to how your sister is affecting you, then you need to find other people who are on your side. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, I would say that you're sister has some insecurity problems of her own, and is just venting at you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you; everyone is unique in their own right.

I would suggest sitting her down when you are both calm, and explaining to her your feelings, and how you think you can ammend the situation. Remember to be mature, or else she won't take you seriously.

If that doesn't work, try talking to your parent(s) and sort it out with them. Once again, don't whine; it only lessens your credibility, and makes them less inclined to help.

P.S. -- To be honest, I don't know her, you, or the situation as a whole; she could just be a complete b**** with perpetual PMS. If so, just ignore her until you can move out from under the same roof as her. However, you should always try and patch things up no matter what; having estranged family members is NOT fun--trust me.

Answer 4

As a mental health practitioner with 20+ years experience, now retired, I can confidently say that there is nothing wrong with you, given the brief information you have provided in your question. Anyone who is consistently barraged with insults that are not stopped will eventually begin to wear down under the pressure. You're going to have to find a way to deal with that barrage of insults, or you're going to feel even worse later on. The choice is yours. God Bless you.

Answer 5

Have to talked to her about how it makes you feel? You love her and she loves you right? I'm sure the stress of someone you love constantly insulting you is hurting you more than you realize. You need to tell her. Ask her why shes taking her disappointments out on you. If she doesn't respond positively to a rational conversation dont sling the insults back. Maybe she isn't mature enough at her age to handle her feelings. If thats the case, theres nothing wrong with you. She just needs time to grow up.

Answer 6

You could always tell her that we share the same parents so that must mean that since I am fat, ugly, and a freak that must mean you will be one sometime soon also. Ask her why she thinks your all those things though because maybe shes dealing with personal issues and doesnt know how to talk about it to someone.

Answer 7

She just wants to make you feel as she feels. Telling her may give her ammunition. You should tell her that it doesn't give her the right to insult you just because she didn't get her way. That a good sister that claims to love you would never say that. And walk away. If she doesn't have an audience, she may keep quiet.

Answer 8

Tearing you down doesn't build her up. Unfortunately, many of us have to suffer through difficult sibling actions. Buddha said to think of such things as a gift ... one you do not accept ... thus it stays with your sister.

Answer 9

Tell her, its a good thing we share the same genetic make up and I am not alone being "fat, ugly...whatever..." Or, you could be tacky and say, yes... But at least I got the intelligence when all you have is a single digit IQ....

Answer 10

Tell her she is mean and you don't like being called those names. IGNORE her or talk back. SO many options! I think she has annoyed you to the point where you actually think you are fat but don't let her get to you.