Why do you think victims of abuse sometimes become abusers themselves?

Question

What do you think makes a person decide to do this to another after the torture and hurt that they themselves went through?

I don't accept the answer "they think it's normal because that's what they grew up with"-that is crap and a very poor excuse. As adults, we know right from wrong.

Answer 1

Maybe because they had all the power taken away from them and now they feel they're reclaiming it by doing the same to others, almost a vicarious form of revenge.

For the women who go into another abusive relationship, maybe they don't think they deserve better.

I agree with you, though, that it's no excuse. Lots of people who were abused as children make the choice not to repeat the abuse.

Answer 2

In many ways- agreeing with some of the prior comments- 'Abuse' can become a way of life for both the Abused, and the Abuser. In some ways, it's a learned-form of 'Conflict Resolution', whereas the abuser lashes-out to be recognized, understood, and catered-to, while the previously-abused learns to 'expect' abuse and may even indirectly or directly 'solicit' abuse in order to resolve conflicts. A vicious-cycle which also ties into a low self-value, and lack of understanding toward peaceful and intellectual forms of conflict resolution and negotiation. The only way to stop the cycle when perpetuated by either an abuser or by the abused is to 'reinvent' the individual's sense of value, and value-system from the inside out. Life-standards by which an individual lives must be reformed and elevated, while past feelings of 'Victimization' associated in both the abused, and the abuser, must be resolved and replaced by a new system of values which is not so much centered on self. We are all born centering on self and must learn to turn focus outward.

Answer 3

Just wanted to point out that nearly all abusers were themselves abused -- that's where abusers come from.

It's not so much that it "seems" normal (in the way that, say, opening presents on Christmas Eve does to some people) but many abuse victims seem to have a compulsion to repeat the pattern -- either by attaching to abusers or by abusing.

This is one of the reasons it's such a horrible thing, and why the victims need help -- so they can heal and NOT carry it on.

Sorry I don't really have an explanation, but some of the answers seem along the right track. (No doubt does stuff to the brain. And the one who talked about loss of power.)

Answer 4

This is a very interesting question. There has been research done to discover why victims become perpetrators. It is however most commonly associated with learned behavior from past experinces of what is acceptable. With the proper treatment plan and attention given to correcting the problem victims can continue life and never actually abuse other individuals. There is also proof that things happen in the brain that contributes to a perpetrators behavior, but there is not enough time or space to explain all of that.

Answer 5

First off, it's NEVER ok for the abused to abuse others, even though their past was terrible, it's no excuse to continue the behavior.

I speak from personal experience, and in most cases the abused
become the very opposite in regards to relationships.

BUT.....

When you have to grow up in an abusive environment, you believe that is how families function.

The abuse gets "burned" into your brain that you are worthy of nothing but abuse. This in turn, affects relationships in a negative way. You try and try to make things work, but it only makes them worse because all of your senses are tainted by the abuse. Many times, the abuse isn't intentional, it's just the way we learned to communicate our feelings.

Answer 6

Because abuse is much more than a single action, it is a formenting of a behavioral pattern.

Because most abuse happens when the person is least prepared to deny the significance of the action, the action itself becomes the template for subsequent action.

Consequently, when a 'new' situation presents itself, the 'template' is removed from memory and set into motion.

As for having 'choice', choice is as much a factor of awareness as it is availability. You could go into a store and 'choose' to buy anything you wanted, but if your awareness is severely limited (someone gives you a list of specific products and that's it) by someone else's actions, how are you going to be able to choose 'otherwise' if you don't 'see' what is available.

Prime example: a female child is physically abused by a parent. Since most abuse happens over a period of years, those are years of reinforcement after the initial 'crack'. Not only that, but since the one doing the abuse is an authority figure, the emotional impact that person has is directly in proportion to the lack of self the child has (parents always 'dominate' the kid, physically and thus emotionally, imprinting upon them their 'authority'.)

By the time the female starts dating, the 'authority' in her life is not herself but that of the abuser, since that is who has created and maintained the template. So although the availability of men is wide enough, the 'awareness' of who she 'can' choose is narrow, which means she chooses what she sees as 'available'.

Because they think it is a 'choice' they are making, and because other people, like yourself, say that 'life is a choice', then the resultant abuse that occurs not only reinforces the abuse they received but substantiates it, since they can no longer claim 'victim' because they 'choose' it.

Choice is as much about awareness as it is availability, and abuse is one way in which people's awareness can be limited.

Answer 7

They grew up with it, so they see abuse as normal. So, it is natural to behave that way toward others in the future.

No, it is not 100% true that abuse victims will go on to abuse others or hook up with an abusive partner. I have almost completely avoided relationships, and keep to myself.

I'm not excusing them, happyfacemommy. It is true, although not in every case.

Answer 8

That is such a good question and a lot of people do not realize how true that fact is. You should read some books by Dr. Drew of loveline and listen to that show. He really knows a ton o nthat very subject and can explain it very well. Listen to that show and you will see that it 100% true that people who are abused either become abusers(typically male) or get into relatioships with abusers(typically female). Again good question.

Answer 9

Most victims of abuse are people who have grown in life of torture,hopelessness,crime and lived under great disadvantages thus they tend to accept their fate and way of living. In the long run they themselves become abusers since as kids in schools their own teachers tend to abuse them most as most of them are either orphans or poor, the police as well will arrest them in the streets and claim they are criminals or jailed since they don't have people to defend them, and when it comes to employment they lack godfathers to push for their interests. Thus, most abusers have grown in life of poverty or unstable marriages making the vicious circle of abuse to rotate on.

Answer 10

That's a very good question.

Unless there is intervention and education, people tend to repeat what they know.