My b/f has told me he no longer wants us to try having a baby... We have been ttc for 1 year now, and it was what he wanted initially, but today, he has told me its not what he wants cause 'he's not ready'. I have said its because he doesn't want me, he insists thats not the case. We haven't had a row, its just come out of the blue!
I feel so stupid, hurt and disapointed. I'm so cross with him i can't talk to him. My gut is telling me to finish it, but he doesn't want that.
Please give me some good advise! I'm so low!!!!!
2007-03-06 06:52:14 · 20 answers · asked by jenny w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
forgot to mention, i have 2 children 10 and 5, whom i love and adore with all my heart.
I don't want to marry, its a whole lot of cash for a good piss up... rather take the kids on holidays and have nice clothes!
2007-03-06 07:00:48 · update #1
I would first say to talk to him. Tell him how you feel and what you want in life for you and him. If he is not willing to have a baby now maybe it's better you found out now rather than five years from now. When he is resenting the baby, you and his life.
Go to some parenting classes, babysit other people's children together maybe he's afraid He isn't going to be a good father. Maybe he's feeling like we all do when things don't come easy for us we tend to close the door and shut down. Maybe he feels it his fault and he is guilty b/c he can't give you want you want.
There are so many reasons. Just talk and maybe just give it some time. Hey I think sometimes you have to take a few steps back first before you take one step forward.
Keep your Head up and hope everything goes well,
L
2007-03-06 07:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by letigutierrez77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your boyfriend is being the responsible mature one here. You two aren't married, why are you putting the cart before the horse? Just because he feels that having a child (which is a very important event in a relationship) is not a good idea at this time, doesn't mean he never wants one with you. You should be proud of him that he had the guts to be truthful with you, probably knowing that you would be upset and disappointed. If after thinking about it long and hard you still can't accept this decision as being for the best, you should go to a counselor or therapist for some advice. Enjoy your time as a couple before you become a family. Take this time to treat yourselves - go on a mini-vacation, do special things together to have memories for when you grow old. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-06 06:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I want to tell you everything happens for a reason. But, men never really know exactly what they want. Maybe there for a while he thought that he was really wanting a child with you.
Maybe he changed his mind because he realized he is not yet responsible enough to handle a woman and a child. Or he probably got scared to face reality that you would go that extra mile to make him happy.
For him to ask you that, and then out of the blue change his mind. He sounds like he hasn't completely grew up yet. Don't let yourself think that it is you. After all it was his idea in the first place.
I hope you luck with everything, I don't know if it will be easy for you, but look to God and you will always find a way through the path that life has built you. God Bless.
2007-03-06 07:03:18 · answer #3 · answered by troubledsoulgirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not force a baby on him if he isn't ready. He has taken the time to decide whether he wants to be a father or not. He is being very responsible to make such a decision and you should respect him for it.
This may not mean he will never want children, just for now it isn't right for him. Give him the respect he deserves and think things through for a while. You may come to realize that he is right, this isn't the right time for you two to start a family.
Having a child is a HUGE, life-long responsibility. More people should become responsible as your boyfriend is.
2007-03-06 07:01:27 · answer #4 · answered by Nepetarias 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from someone with a 3 y/o and was my first and last child, it takes alot of work. And he may have thought he was ready a year ago, but obvious somethings has changed to make him change his mind,but dont be mad at him for that. Just think, if you got pregnant and he did not want it, the stress that it would cause with your relationship, your preganacy and yourself. You want the pregnancy experience to be a pleasant one. If you have not sat him down and talked to him about it,please do so. And if you have talked about it, then you need to find a way to let it go and move on. I know you may feel stupid, hurt and disappointed, but just think about this........You are not in this alone. Its about him as well.....respect that. It just may not be the time right now, but that does not mean that it will not happen......Peace!
2007-03-06 07:00:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babies are truely wonderful things for a relationship, but only if it's a strong one. If he doesn't want one right now, wait. It could be that he has seen some truely ill behaved kids of late and is scared away or finally realized how much work they would be.
It's best to wait 'til your both ready and not to push him away because of this right now. Also, just keep your eyes and ears open. It may be that the relationship has changed and you don't realize it. I wouldn't break it off and don't pick fights, but keep an open mind and look to see if something is going on.
2007-03-06 06:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by SAHM3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby really does change everything in your lives....I wouldn't take it too hard, maybe sit down with him and ask him if later he would want to try again. Or why he wants to stop now and tell him you need more of an explination than...just not ready.... I keep thinking I might want another one, but then I spend time with my new nephew and I know that I just need my daughter, she is finally getting old enough to take her more places and do more stuff with....Though babys are cute, if you are not ready it is a LONG HARD road to travle by yourself....I had to rase my daughter alone....her dad was not ready, and left me. (and mine was an unplanned pregnancy) Don't feel down, you have plenty of time to get preggers hun, just be happy and enjoy your life while you are still free to do whatever.
Maybe take a parenting class together and see if you both are really ready to have a baby.
2007-03-06 07:02:07 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about you wait to have a husband before you bring a baby into this world. Having a baby is the biggest responsibility anyone can take on not to mention the cost of a child. Don't try and get PG to hold on to him, worst plot in the world, doesn't work. Be happy your not pregnant, no stress, no responsibility, free to be free.
2007-03-06 06:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with yourselves he has chosen a good time to tell you........Its better then when you had already fallen pregnant........
Babes you two have a good relationship, he felt that he could come and tell you this news and not bottle it up like most men do then scarper once the baby arrives........
He might have just have gotten cold feet, give him a couple of months and make him provide the contraception........
Good luck honey, I think you are just in shock because that has been your main focus for a year, give your mind time to re-adjust and you will be fine........
2007-03-06 07:00:20 · answer #9 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe your guy is confused or stressed out that what he wanted (a baby) hasn't happened all of a sudden. Maybe you should talk to him and see what he wants....ask him if you fell pregnant tomorrow what would he do/feel? This should give you a better idea of where he is coming from. You could also try taking a night apart, see your girlfriends or parents, you might have a clear mind of what you want to do after thinking it through in different atmospheres? I hope it works out for you, good luck
2007-03-06 06:58:27 · answer #10 · answered by Rachael 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋