could I be in a abusive relationship again?

Question

I was in 2 previous very abusive relainships and I think i am very clueless when it comes to abusive men,because of my childhood.
I been seeing this new guy for 3 and a half months now and he gets mad latley very easily and he is over jelious and protective,he asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and he has been starting to call me names and put me down,he blames everything that goes wrong on me ,we argue all the time now sents I said yes to him.he dosent like going out anywhere anymore and he does'nt want sex as much as before,I told him sents we argue way to much,that if we dont get better soon,i would have to leave him,he actully started crying(and he never crys,ever) and getting really upset,I told him i love him and then i said sorry for bringing that up,and he said that when i said yes to his proposel,That means forever and I cant break up with him??i dont know is this just a way of him not knowing how to handle a relainship??or did I pick a winner again???

I also just found out i am pregnat.

Answer 1

Yes it sounds like you are in another one. I was told after my first abusive marriage that I would continue to pick those type of me until I dealt with the problems through counseling. And I think they were right, I have a wonderful husband who has never once shown any type of aggression or abuse towards me.
You can do better and you know that. Noone can make you leave though, it has to be your decision. Maybe it's time to take a break from the relationships and work on you and why you pick these guys. If you need to chat, feel free to IM or email me. Good luck to you!

Pregnant, even more of a reason to get out now. You don't want him doing this to the child either. And before you have him/her, it will be easier to leave. If you stay and the child is born, you may resign yourself to this forever and you don't want that!

Answer 2

I think that you could be a magnet for the wrong type of men, based upon your childhood. I do not know about your childhood other then what I read in between the lines. As far as this situation, it is already bordering on abuse. He is already showing you much verbal abuse.If you are arguing way too much already, it does not get better after marriage. Tell him that you need to be alone for a while to figure out who you are and why you are making the same mistakes over and over again. You need to work on your self-esteem until you feel that you are deserving of being treated with respect and dignity. If you do not first feel that way about yourself, how do you think that anyone else will.Do not let him control you into thinking that you cannot break up with him. You can also tell him that you would not be a good wife at this time because you have so much baggage to work on and that along with his insecurities it would make a very unhealthy marriage. Find out who you are first before you find someone to spend your life with.

Answer 3

You picked a huge loser, sorry to break the news. Im not sure if you know what its like to be in a loving happy 2-people relashionship. Everything you described is completly different then the way a healthy happy relashionship should be. Its not even almost close. You need to get away from this man as soon as you can. Dont let him lure you back into this. You dont want to be unhappy the rest of your life, and hes not the one thats going to make you happy. You know how nice it is to go to bed each night with a man that loves you, holds you, hugs you, sends you flowers and will protect you to no end? Thats love. but thats not all love has. Theres much more to it. Love is very complex and when you have it you will know in your heart that its love. You dont want this man to treat you the way he is, or you wouldnt be writting, and im telling you right now that it will only get worse. Walk away from it while you still can.

Answer 4

Not trying to sound mean, because I believe there is such a thing as love at first sight, etc, but telling a guy you love him and will marry him after only 3 months together?? That's a big step right off. I suggest sitting down for a big long talk about what you expect of the relationship and what he is expecting. Sounds like to me his thoughts and yours aren't necessarily the same. It can all work out, but it does take two to become partners to make a relationship work. Otherwise, someone becomes the dependent and the other is the boss. In any event, you need to do some thinking about yourself and your situation, and decide what you want and what will be best for your baby to come. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Think about it this way. Pretend you are a mother with a daughter your age, and she has been seeing a man who is just like the one you're dating right now. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Is your little girl a happier person if she stays with this man?

2. Does this man deserve to be with your precious daughter for the rest of her life?

3. Does this man really respect and love your daughter if he's threatening to kill himself if she leaves him?

4. Did you raise your little girl to grow up with a man who wants her to stay home all day and not have any friends?

And finally,

5. If your daughter's boyfriend was EXACTLY like the man you are dating right now, would you want your daughter to marry this man?

If you answered NO to any of these questions, this man is not worth your time and effort. Just because you love him doesn't mean you have to stay with him. I love lots of people that I don't live with. You can't possibly be happy with somebody who holds suicide over your head to make you stay with them. That alone is a form of abuse. Abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional and psychologican abuse can be even worse sometimes.

Please get in touch with a counsellor or call an abuse hotline for help. You only have one life, don't live it for somebody else.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Oh hun get out of this relationship FAST! I mean ASAP!! Dont let a man run and ruin ur life. U can do better! Imo stay away from the datin scene and enjoy urself w/o a man. =) :edit 2 add: since ur pregnant think bout the baby. U dun want it to have a bad childhood..Get away from this guy! If u need 2 ever talk or sumthing feel free 2 email me :-)

Answer 7

I can not tell you to leave someone, that is your choice and yours alone, but you of all people would now that those situations get worse the longer you let it play out. I think that if you truly love that person and if he is really devoted to you that he should take some consoling.

I want you to keep in mind what will happen when you have children? Talking down constantly is a form of abuse as well

Answer 8

Sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship to me. Get away from him before he gets physically abusive! Calling you names and putting you down is not love! It should be a wake up call to you of what he may do next. Verbal abuse is usually followed by physical abuse!!! Find someone who will love you the right way, you deserve better than what he is giving you!! Nothing is forever, you can and should break up with him.

Answer 9

If you're in a relationship were your partner puts you down and calls you names, you need to end it with him. Just because you said yes to his proposal and you're pregnant does not mean you have to stay with him. He used those tears as a way for you to feel sorry for him and not end the relationship.He's playing you. You know it in your heart something is not right with him. End it before it's too late.Be safe and take care of yourself.Remember your happiness and well being is more important than anyone.Good Luck.

Answer 10

This man is abusive and manipulative!! Run as fast as you can!!

Just because you accepted his proposal doesn't mean you are stuck with him "forever." You have made no legal and binding vows to him. If he calls you names now, it will only get worse, it won't be long before he starts becoming physically abusive. Jealousy, blaming, name-calling and possessiveness are all classic signs of abusive men. Just because they don't hit you doesn't mean they are not abusive. Emotional and verbal abuse are just as bad, if not worse, than physical abuse.

For your own safety and emotional health, I urge you to end this relationship and seek counseling in order to figure out why you are attracted to abusive men. If he threatens you, get a restraining order. If he hits you, have him arrested. Don't continue to put up with a man that doesn't treat you right.