Have you ever loved somebody so much that if they die, you would rather be dead too?

Question

I recently lost my wife to cancer and am so lost now, I don't really feel like living anymore. I know this is a womens study forum but need a woman's perspective on how to go on without her? I was with her 16 years. We had no children so she was all I had. Please help me. Thank you.

Answer 1

"Sam Baldwin: Well, I'm going to get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?

Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic. "
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Honestly, I only lost my Daddy; and cannot imagine the grief you are undergoing ... breathing was my big thing. Religion seemed to help me the most. Although I admit I only went there so I could enjoy my sabbatical to Italy. None the less, it was the comfort that I needed.

Many find wearing "Black" is an award expression to the world of your grief. I found this very helpful; although in today's culture, they just didn't get it. The many books I read about "Grief" taught me that it is normal to be in excruciating pain for a year. In my mind, I linked this 'Spiritual' pain to body pain. I don't remember when I was 'teething' but I see babies around, and they cry & cry. I think our spirit has to grow and during times of growth for our spirit [living without our deceased loved one] well, it hurts just as our bodies did.

The Bible says, "Those who grieve will be comforted" [Beatitudes] and I assure you --- you will receive this when you are ready for it.

Answer 2

I can't imagine what this experience must feel like....it's one I pray I will never have to face....
My husband means the world to me and if he ever passed away before I did, I would definitely have a very hard time coping.....just the thought is disturbing...
Don't deny yourself the time to grieve and be thankful that you were blessed with years of a genuinely loving relationship....
Your wife may not be with you physically, but that doesn't mean she is no longer with you.....
My best advice is to surround yourself with people....the last thing you need is to be more alone than this experience has already left you.

All the best to you.

Answer 3

First, dont give up. Ask yourself if your beloved wife would like to see you so depressed and unmotivated. Get some books on coping with grief after the loss of a spouse. I could not imagine what you must be feeling. this is so cliquiest...........time does heal the spirit and the mind, but the heart takes longer for some reason.........dont rush your self on anything in your life.....take it easy until you are comfortable with yourself and how you are handling the emotions you are experiencing now....in say 3 months. On the average, the grieving process is one full year, if you cant resolve this on your own, then seek professional help. Be careful. People actually die from broken hearts......dont become on of those stats......stay strong and find a higher power in your life to help you cope and perhaps your faith will strengthen you and your road to recovery...I will pray for you.

Answer 4

My thoughts are with you.
What an awful loss you have endured.
I know that most people recite platitudes when facing a person in so much pain, but it's true that in time you will feel differently.
The pain will never go away completely, but it will become bearable. Try to give yourself as much time and latitude as you can to grieve, and don't let others' expectations restrict you from taking the time you need.
Blessings!

Answer 5

At the beginning the lost is very hard on you. past two weeks of grieving, you should start some activity you used yo like. You wont like it. buy have to try harder everyday to get into an activity. little by little, not in a month or two, you will start getting interested in anything. you have to hang on to something very hard and not let you fall. with time you will fill better.
its hard, but look around and see the widows, they get over it little by little, until it hurts every time less. good luck, and sorry

Answer 6

My dear friend,
I know what u r going through.My grandmother used to tell me souls become stars.May be your cute star is crying seeing your plight.live on.Thats wat we can do.We were born alone,we have to die alone.Do good deeds.Visit some orphanages and see kids who doesnt have even a ray of love to look up to.Live good..Till you meet her.Make her happy in heaven.Let her feel happy.Pray to God.He is with her.Bye

Answer 7

I told my wife, that if she goes first, I'm gonna bring a date to her funeral!