I have been married almost 5 years. My husband has always had a little weight problem, but about 3 years ago he let himself go. I have tried talking to him about it and suggesting exercises or diets but he tells me he just doesn't know how to lose weight and keep it off. It just doesn't seem to be important to him. I have tried talking to him about his health, his clothes not fitting, even how I have lost the desire to make love to him. He becomes very defensive and throughs things and stomps off. He sits at the computer and plays games 80% of the time he is home. You know the saying "why keep running when you catch the bus" that is how I feel he thinks. Any ideas or am I just out of luck?
2007-03-06 05:14:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
True love is unconditional. If you truly loved your husband, you would not judge him for the way he looks. I'm sure there are times you don't look so hot yourself.
2007-03-06 05:20:00 · answer #1 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You married the man even when he had a "little weight problem" and now it has become too large (pardon the pun) of a weight problem and you are unhappy. I personally think men and women have an obligation to keep themselves presentable and attractive to their spouse and when one or the other has truly let themselves go they should be called out on it. But there is a right way and a wrong way to do that. Instead of making this all about "him" and "his problem", approach it this way: the next time he is huddled in front of the computer come up from behind him and give him a big hug and tell him you love him and give him some affection and intimacy and afterwards, when he is softened up, tell him you know he probably feels bad about the way he looks and you also feel you have let yourself go a little and your idea is to work out together, for eachother, a team effort and you can both get in shape for your health-so you have lots of years to spend together! Don't nag and preach and harp and single him out-it will only have the opposite effect.
2007-03-06 05:40:25 · answer #2 · answered by conservamommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is probably really embaressed by his weight and just feels even worse when people talk to him about it. Try and get out and do more stuff as a family. Like subtley get him to excercise with you by going out for a walk every night or organizing a game of football with some friends or something. This way you can still be romantic but help him start getting fit at the same time. Also, start buying healthy groceries, so that no matter what you guys eat it's never something that will do his body more harm. Once he sees that the pressure has been taken off him and that he may be losing weight just from having fun with his family, it may inspire him to go the extra step and start working out on his own.
2007-03-06 05:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by Leah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He already knows that his own wife is not attracted to him anymore. Wouldn't it hurt your self esteem if you knew he wasn't attracted to you? The first thing you need to do is work on your relationship with each other and find the love again. You're focusing too much on everything else rather than the fact you married a man you were in love with and wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Seek marital counseling because it is obvious that there are issues that run deeply within your marriage. Worry about that first, then when your husband feels more comfortable with his role as your husband, he will feel motivated to lose weight and be healthier.
If you always nag him about his weight, he will never want to lose it. To him, that's just you saying you don't like the way he looks. If you were to tell him that you fear for his health and would be devastated to lose him because you love him so much, he might take that differently.
2007-03-06 05:30:40 · answer #4 · answered by starlight_940 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Losing weight is a personal choice. A lot of overweight people go through denial untill they hit the bottom or have a really bad health scare to start doing something. But you can push this decision a little bit. Why don't you try taking him for a walk after dinner? Start by walking around the block tonight, tell him you need the time to be with him, then slowly, make this walks a little longer. It takes 4 weeks to break a habit or to form one, so try it for 4 weeks and see what happens. You can also start cooking lighter and healthier, without giving him the choice for fatty foods. He can still have generous servings but of foods that are healthy for him.
2007-03-06 05:26:19 · answer #5 · answered by AMBER D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said, "My husband has always had a little weight problem, but about 3 years ago he let himself go." I don't think it's fair for you to impose that you have a "problem" with it now, when apparently you married him knowing he had a weight problem, and that it could potentially get worse.
Having said that, I don't think that means that you can't change your mind on what makes you happy as you go through life, and if you sit him down and talk to him and let him know it bothers you and that you need a change, and he won't comply, then do what you need to do to find true happiness, because life is too short to spend it wishing for something else!
2007-03-06 05:19:09 · answer #6 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that you each have things that are important to you in a spouse. List the three most important things for you and ask him to list the three most important for him. Then agree to both work on them. I am positive sex will be on his list, and by that he doesnt' mean be willing, he'll want you to be passionate. Tell him you want to feel like that....to act out a porn movie with him (lets be honest thats what every man wants) but you really can't fake that desire and he has to do his part to get it....but of course when he does you have to follow through.
2007-03-06 05:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by Heidi F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's playing games because you are either ugly or boring. He probably wishes he was single again and gaining weight is his way of telling your high maintenanced *** to get out. I can tell by this post you are a self centered little skankbitch. I bet you have no problems spending his money. It would have been better if you posted you were worried about his health instead of his looks. My advice to you is to suck your head up your dumb *** until you implode.
2007-03-06 05:51:17 · answer #8 · answered by thigpen82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well get him doing things outside yard work and start going for walks with him and pick up the pace if he tries a little he will get into the routine so you should go with him on walks and go to parks and walk..Get some ankle weights and have him put them on around his ankles he will lose weight.
2007-03-06 05:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by Denny O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In light of the fact he doesn't want to put a lot of thought into what you're trying to do for him, I think that is most inconsiderate of him. If he doesn't want to take better care of himself for your sake, then maybe you should put some serious consideration into leaving him.
2007-03-06 05:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by Mike M. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
walk out on him for a while an he will be willing to loose the weight if he really do loves u
2007-03-06 05:20:31 · answer #11 · answered by Chocolit B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋