Should a 52 year old woman remain married to a fat, ugly man who seldom talks to her, avoids her and offers no

Question

intimacy. Yet he does give her money, althought in minute amounts and is considered to be one of the living. All her life she struck out with normal men and could only get losers. In the beginning of the marriage he did act nice to her. Should she stay with him or be alone? Now she is mainly alone, but he does come home, usually when she's already asleep.

Answer 1

this is so sad... i think you should leave him... well tell him your feelings first... and if he is un responsive ... leave. join clubs! book clubs and so on... make new friends, find a man who will treat you right. It's never to late for love!

Answer 2

Hi, Tulip. This is a difficult question and one that only this 52 year old woman, who I'm going to assume is you, can really answer. you've told us a little bit about the situation, but I suspect that there's a lot more going on here.

How long have you two been together? Do you have children and are they grown now? How well do you keep yourself up and your home? Are you financially able to strike out on your own? From the sounds of things you're unhappy with the status quo, but will you be happier alone? Does he know how you feel? What's his reaction to your feelings?

No one here can answer your question but you.

I'd suggest that you get some professional help, a marriage counselor or therapist, and see if the chubby hubby will go with you. If not, go on your own.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sometimes people become lacadaisical about their relationships and don't mean to. Have you talked to your husband about the way things have become? If he provides you with a good home and takes care of the basic needs and doesn't want to do anything to change the situation, why don't you try to get involved with volunteer activities and community activities which would keep you busy and take up some of the time you spend waiting for him to act the way you want him to. Has he always been this way or changed recently? If it is a recent change, has he been to his family physician for a check-up lately? Could he be depressed? If it could be depression or a medical condition you could talk to the doctor and find out what could be done. It sounds as if you need to step back and look at the big picture and then decide what needs to be done. Make sure you talk to a good therapist or counselor, even your local church pastor before making any life changing decisions. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Well ,,,,If he has no interest in seeing to her needs as well as his own then it's obvious that he's lost interest in her other than maybe just having someone around to take care of him ,,,, It doesn't sound like he's still the same person he was when she married him ,,,, I can't see the profit in her staying especially if she already has an income seperate from his ,,,, Either way it appears that she's alone no matter which way she goes now ,,,, He's lost interest ,,,, So why not try or explore new avenues ,,,, If she hasn't got a job then she should find something that interests her and once she's got a steady income then leave the nest so to speak and make her own minus that dead beat ,,,, She shouldn't have to break her back trying to see to his needs as well as her own ,,,, She can see to herself better if she doesn't have any dead weight ,,,, You can't be good for anyone else until you are good for yourself first ,,,, Once she's out of that sitution then things will start looking up for her ,,,, I think leaving her present situation would be a defininte possitive move ,,,, Just don't do it until you're able to support yourself is all ,,,, As you've explained it you are already alone so you won't be any more alone living by yourself and have less to see to in the bargain ,,,, He takes you for granted and it's most likely that he doesn't even realize what he has in you but he will when you aren't around any longer to fix his meals or clean his house or have a warm body to help keep him warm ,,,, It's time to look to yourself ,,,, You have needs too and you can't be expected to do with out them and you certainly aren't getting your needs fulfilled where you are at now so you aren't losing anything ,,,, With allot of men it's I do until they don't want to anymore and this guy sounds so lazy that he hasn't even got the gumption to get up and look for some one that interest him more ,,,, Now that's lazy ,,,, Once you are on your own you are going to be suprised at the freedom you've gained for yourself ,,,, There are singles clubs you can join with all kinds of people your age that you can meet ,,,, So get shed of this guy and your (marriage?) ,,,, Just be more cautious and selective from now on and keep an eye out for potential dead beats ,,,, Believe it or not there are men out there that enjoy enjoying life ,,,, Marriage is a state of mind not necessarily a fact of law and I think in his mind you've been devorced a long time ,,,, In his mind his marriage no longer exists so I see no benefit for you if you stay ,,,, And don't let him talk you out of it either ,,,, Men are good actors too ,,,, up to and even including tears so don't let him fool you ,,,, He might say he'll change and he even might ,,,,,, for a while ,,,,,, but he will eventually lapse right back into the old habbit's he's got right now ,,,, Time to move on girl ,,,, He's the only one that will wind up sorry ,,,,, Good luck and give it a shot ,,,, You can't lose anything by trying ,,,,And by the way this guy that calls himself MR X is probably a spitting image of your husband ,,,, He's got the same attitude I think your husband has ,,,,, Yoda told you this ,,,,

Answer 5

So after years of marriage, which you willingly got yourself in to, you are looking for affirmation to leave someone who makes you unhappy? Why did you wait so long? Why do you need other's approval to live your life? If your husband is abusive or destructive you have no moral obligation to stay with him and stick it out. You know what you have to do-why do you need other people to tell you? If there are children involved and your husband is not abusive or destructive then you have a moral obligation to repair the mess you have made of your marriage and thagt begins with changing YOURSELF-stop worrying about how fat and ugly and distant your husband is. Take a good look at yourself and see how you can change the way you approach him or behave. Women have the power to change their marriage an their husband's response to them and if you really sit back and analyze the situation I am sure you can come up with a few ways to make your marriage a happier place to be.

Answer 6

That's a tough situation to be in.
If there is nothing left to the relationship and you don't feel like you are getting what you deserve I'd totally just take time away for myself to really determine what it is I want in a mate, give yourself some time to really determine - can I put up with this for the rest of my life or do I feel like something is missing. I believe a relationship should consist of conversation, companionship and love (among other things, those are just a few key things).
No one can tell you exactly what to do but you can sure take time to really figure out what you want. Talking about it with him may help, if he's not responsive then I think you're decision is clear.

Answer 7

your 52...now this may sound wrong so i'm not telling you to do this but here's what you can do... it starts with an A and ends with an R... that's right have an affair!!! he is all out of life which doesn't mean that you have to be... yet you are (no offense) kinda old yourself...so it might not be the best idea to just up and leave... wait until you have a safety net.(a significant other, other lol) then let him down easy.

Answer 8

I don't think a 52 year old woman who really wants to live life to the fullest should remain marriedto a SKINNY, handsome man if he seldom talks to her, avoids her, or doesn't supply the basic needs any human being needs emotionally.

I think it's time to think of you, and what you really want...instead of accepting the crumbs that fall from the table.

Answer 9

If she would love to live a happy relationship, have intimate moments and participate in activies with him, then in this case she should not stay with him, she is 52 and life is short. Unless she wants to be left alone and given money, and be bored all the time.... well then i suggest she stays with him.

Answer 10

This can all be fixed, but you must be a willing participant. Getting your answers here is probably not the best way to pursue getting on the right track. You need professional help with this set of circumstances. Seek some counseling. If he won't go with you - go by yourself. I hope that helps.

Answer 11

living with a man like that must be very hard on her, but what abut love ,is there any or does life just go bye without the smallest amount of affection from him.
See I live pretty much like her but have been with my guy for 18 years and he does give some affection but I would like more,but in my heart I love him and would be lost without him.
She has to look deep within her own heart and see what is theire If she finds that love doesn't matter and there is nothing ther she should leave.