My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We've had ups & downs but 4 the most part we are cool. Towards the end of 2005 we broke up for about a 2 months. 2 weeks b4 my birthday we got back 2gether and he asked me 2 marry him. I never responded becaus I wasnt sure. 7 months later he told me during the time we were broken up he had sex with somebody else and the condom broke. He told me all this a month before the baby was born. After asking around the city about the girl I found out it was between him and 3 other dudes. He took a DNA test and it came out that the baby is his.The night he told he cried his heart out and it made me sad because I could feel that he was truely sorry and he was scared I was going 2 leave him.At first that was my exact thought.Then I started thinking about everything weve been through and how he supported me when I needed him the most. And now he asked me 2 marry him again.I luv him but I dont know how I could deal with the baby mama drama.
2007-03-06 04:56:02 · 27 answers · asked by l0V3D AND l0ST 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well you guys were technically "on a break" when he got the girl pregnant. So its not like he cheated on you. You must know that there will be issue with him now having a child that he brings to the marriage. You must think long and hard before you make this next step. Is he a good honest man? Will he stick with you when times get tough? Only you can answer those questions. Three years is a long time to be together without making a committment. Is he ready for marriage?
2007-03-06 05:03:02 · answer #1 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reality of the situation is that after five years of dating you still are not married and within that time, during the premarital point, he created a child with another woman (accident or not) and basically ruined that child's life.He has no business thinking about marrying anyone. His first priority is to that child and focusing on being a good father. You are merely a fifth wheel, my dear and you will not and should not ever come before that child. And if he is not man enough to take that position then he is not man enough to be a good husband and father to any future children you may have together. Why would you want to saddle yourself with all that baggage?
2007-03-06 13:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by conservamommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer whether or not you can deal with him and his "dramas". Consider that the child is here to stay, and will always be a part of your b/f's life. Is this something you're willing to accept? This baby aside, I'm guessing that if after all this time you're still "not sure" whether or not you want to marry him - something in this relationship doesn't feel right to you. Do yourself and him a favor: don't continue this relationship out of pity for him; do it only if you feel that he is the person you want to spend your life with. It seems to me, you both need to go out and get some more experience under your belt before you start pondering marriage; if you jump into marriage not knowing what you want, it might turn out in the future that this was not what you really wanted.
2007-03-06 13:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have yourself a tangled web there. The number one question is can you trust him again? If you can learn to trust him again, that he won't cheat again, then it's salvageable as we all make mistakes, and should practice some forgiveness with others. If you cannot, however, trust him again, and will always be wondering where he is, what he's doing, etc....then don't marry him. Also, keep in mind there IS a child involved now, that he will be responsible for. Can you accept that child into your life, and make him/her feel welcomed in your home? If you can look past how the child got here, then marry the man. If you cannot, that doesn' t make you a bad person, it just means what he did was a deal breaker for you, and it's his "life" lesson to learn that he cannot get away with that anymore, because he'll lose the "good things" he has. Good luck. Be true to YOU, and you'll be okay.
2007-03-06 13:01:35 · answer #4 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is in a state of panic. He is afraid to lose you, and his life will never be the same after having that baby with another girl. If i were you, and due to the fact that you have broken up and he ran into someone elses arms in a small time frame, and that you had some downs in 3 years, i would move on.
2007-03-06 13:05:10 · answer #5 · answered by hank 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you two can pull through. This kind of thing happens all the time and we all make mistakes. Like he did. What has he decided to do about the baby?
He should support the lady, even if he marries you so the two of you would have to support the baby.
If the two of them don't want anything to do with eachother then you should at least make a nice gesture towards her.
I personally think you should go for it.
2007-03-06 13:00:12 · answer #6 · answered by Kuminatano 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one my heart says for you to run the other way but at the same time I know how it is to be in love with a man like that but first ask yourself can you live with him having another baby with another woman I know I couldn't but if you can then try and work it out but have a long engagement to be sure that what you want.
2007-03-13 01:44:54 · answer #7 · answered by randrnorman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the child is his, and he's taking responsibility like he should, then u have to ask urself the question, can i deal w/what happened btwn him and another girl while we were broken up. if ur going to marry him, his choice is going to be a big part of ur life.i would look at his sincerity, personally. also, look at whether ur willing to support another woman's child emotionally and financially. if he's been there for u through it all, and he hasn't cheated since or before that time, then i'd say go w/ur heart, but do so after alot of thinking things through.
2007-03-06 13:03:19 · answer #8 · answered by kelleygaither2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give this some time. You need to sort out your feelings and let some of the baby mama drama play itself out. The bottom line as many have advised, if in doubt don't.
2007-03-11 00:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by Tip Top 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do say that ur boyfriend should not have indulged in sex.but what about the other 3 girls?why did they do it?just for fun?for the thrill or with some responsible emotion?If it is the former reason.adopt their child and get married to him.ask the other ladies to get lost.if the reason is latter,then stay out of this chap.if he can use the other 3 girls emotions he can use urs too.good luck and god bless u.:)
2007-03-11 23:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by gary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋