Kids dont listen to us what should we do need help ages 2 and 3?

Question

my kids are 2 ane 3 and they do not listen weve tried everything from punishing are oldest to what ever people have told us to do but we dont spank them. i try to talk to them before anything.

Answer 1

These kids are 2 and 3 for goodness sake they are still learning to understand language..... spanking them for not understanding wont help them understand...

when dealing with young children do these things...

1) use really short and simple instructions
2) give one instruction at a time
3) break big activities down to the little steps
4) lead them to do the activity you want them to do by the hand.
5) speak in a gentle voice
6) Give lots of behaviour specific praise...... instead of saying "You are a good boy/girl!" which tells them nothing really... say... "You put your plate in the sink. That was great." "I saw you give some toys to ______ for them to play with. That was lovely sharing!" focus praise on behaviour because behaviour is what kids can change....

Decide which activities are volatile activities.... the ones that usually explode into a big deal... maybe bath time or bed time... or both...
when an activity is approaching you know they dont like give little warnings leading up to it...
five minutes to bed time...
three minutes to bed time
one minute to bedtime
It is now bedtime..
This helps them mentally prepare themselves for the inevitable.

One of my children was genuinely not tired at bedtime so he was allowed to have a favoured toy and book. The rule was bed time was bed time he could sit up on his bed and play on his bed but he could not jump on the bed or stand on the bed... and he had to stay on the bed.... he only ever slept between 11 pm and 5am from a very early age but his bedtime was 7:30pm...so he spent 2 and a half hours playing quietly on his bed...every night... I went to bed after his little eyes were finally closed.... and taught him to wake me up in the mornings so I was awake with him at 5 am... as a single parent I can tell you six hours sleep were never enough for me but the best I could hope for...and from about three onwards all he could manage...

Little kids need to be led by the hand to where you want them to be and assisted to do the things you want them to do.... while you give short clear instructions..

Make a full routine in the hour leading up to bedtime so they know once that routine starts it means bedtime is approaching... my routine was something like:
turn off the tv - collect pyjamas - bath - brush teeth - snuggles and cuddles - into bed - read a story - quiet time with a book - sleep

Yes it is inconvenient and yes this means you miss out on shows on tv you want to watch..... but that is what parenting is about focussing on the kids and teaching and guiding them to become independant people... and the path is a long slow one that takes a couple of decades...

Meal times are another area that are often problematic with small toddlers. here are the things I found helpful in mealtimes:
Turn off the television so you can have their undivided attention...
put small servings on their plates, you can always add more if they want more but the small serves mean they can have a chance of feeling successful at eating dinner...
dont sweat about silly stuff... if they don't eat peas give them beans... if they dont like carrots give them pumpkin... If they are not fond of vegies at all make stews and casseroles and blend the vegies in well.... at least sometimes..
2 or 3 or even more times a week make a platter of interesting foods that include things like celery sticks with peanut butter in them, carrot sticks, cheese, olives, small pieces of cold meat, crackers, tomatoes, apple pieces, slices of pear, strawberries, orange segments ad what ever else you and they like... place the platter in the middle of the tables and allow the kids to take what they want when they want it throughout the meal...this takes the heat off everyone as the kids can eat as much or as little as they like of the foods they want to eat without feeling they are 'getting it wrong'
When you do serve meals on individual plates place the plate in front of each child and thirty minutes later remove the plate without comment and scrape their plates... This takes away the need to nag or punish the kids about mealtimes... they get used to the idea that dinner lasts for thirty minutes and if they dont eat it the consequence is that their meal will be scraped away... Do not feed them between meals... but do remember that five small meal/snacks a day is easier on little tummies...
breakfast - morning tea - lunch - afternoon tea - dinner

children will die of starvation if they play throughout a meal instead of eating.... but they will learn next time that you are not going to argue, nag or pay them attention about not eating... the only consequence of not eating... is not eating...

ensure morning and afternoon tea is plain simple food. a piece of fruit, this does not mean a whole apple or orange for little kids that is too much food for them. just a piece of apple or orange..
biscuits and cakes, muesli bars, chips and other snakc foods are not a necessary food item at all and are loaded with either sugar or salt or both... feed these items once a fortnight or once a week at most...

Avoid feeding them cordials, soft drinks (sodas), lollies as these things are full of colorants, preservatives, sugar and other things that react badly in the system of little ones... and often causes them to lose control of their behaviour

Avoid breakfast cereals that are high in sugar.... plain rice bubbles, corn flakes, and wheat biscuits are much better choices...

If your kids are very resistant to eating vegetables you can get them involved in growing some vegetables... I have never known a kid to not eat the vegies they grow... they can each have a small garden plot or if you dont have a yard give them a reasonable sized trough planter each and help them to plant water and watch their vegies grow.... growing vegies is easy but do ask at the nursery for advice on what grows easily in your area...and without too much fuss...

parenting is a full time job when done properly....

best of luck....

PS: the ROD of correction mentioned in the Bible was not mentioned by Jesus at all.... and I doubt He would have smacked a child at all...... and we do not know what the ROD of correction actually was meant to be..... it might have meant the HUG of correction..... who knows...?

Answer 2

Consistency is key. Your children are still young and may need to be reminded several times in order to grasp what you want. You need to lay down ground rules and give them immediate consequences for their actions. My son (nearly three) usually knows if he doesn't listen or does something he is not allowed to do then he will be in trouble.

When they disobey give them a fair warning of what you are going to do, if they disobey again then follow through with the consequence immediately. Also, I rarely yell so when I do raise my voice my son listens right away. Where as I have friends that yell all the time and her children no longer react. I prefer to catch him when he is being well behaved and give him tons of praise to encourage his bad behaviour. In addition I use time outs and talk to my child. Redirection is also really great, if I have a feeling he is going to do something I try to avoid it by getting his mind focused on something else. Use appropriate discipline for each action. A time out is not suitable for everything, sometimes taking a toy away, removing them or the cause of the situation or a firm but gentle swat on the bottom is more effective. Spanking is not usually neccessary and I think it should only be used as a last resort, when you are calm, and for children between 2 and 5.

I know I wrote a short novel here but another thing I do is when we see another child around the same age either on t.v. or out in public that is displaying bad behaviours we have a talk about it and discuss what might have have been a better choice for that child to make instead of hitting, throwing tantrums etc. (Obviously we use discretion to not be offensive to the parents). And we also point it out when we see other children behaving or displaying positive behaviours. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

As much as todays society tells you not to spank your children, they do need it once in awhile. They learn that when they are told no and do not listen, there is a consequence. Spanking is not beating a child. A little slap on the butt when they do not listen tells them that there is a consequence to their bad behavior. If you don't stop it now, while they are this age, they will be worse as they get older. You have to follow through with whatever you tell them will happen if they don't listen. If you don't, they know that nothing will happen and they will do as they please. At their ages, what kind of punishment can you give them that they will understand why you are doing it. For thousands of years children have been spanked (including me and my kids) and there is nothing wrong with it. You cannot always reason with children this young.

Answer 4

Somewhere along the line you were catering to everything they want. Its a simple mistake that just about everyone makes, even myself. Somehow they have gotten the idea into their heads that they can get away with anything they want. Talking to them first won't work. Punishment first, talking second. Keep on them and be consistent. Put them on a naughty chair(or spot, or step) and time them one minute for each year of age. Then talk to them when their time is up and demand an apology. If they get off the chair before the time is up, don't say anything, just pick them up and put them back and start the time over.
Also, try a reward system for good behavior too. You can use tv or movie time, healthy treats they like, or fun activities to motivate them for good behavior. I think a common mistake we make with dicipline is that we forget to praise them when they behave nicely too.
It's important that no matter what you are doing, if they act up, you drop everything and discipline right at the moment it happens, or it will have no effect.
I hope this helps.

Answer 5

Spanking may be the last resort. I use to take away my son's toys and that would work but all kids are different. We rarely ever have to spank him. I don't thinkl there's anything wrong with spanking. At 2 and 3 they have an understanding of what listening and not listening is. They need to know you are the parents and they are the children. They need to listen.. Sometimes you have to exercise tough love. I know it's hard to spank your kid but you don't want them to walk all over you. You need to make them realize who the authority is in the house.

Answer 6

Been there done that. Wow I feel ya.

Consistancy, it don't seem like its working, but it will sink in. Consequences. I had put my daughter in the corner so many times. She was horrible, pulled the wall paper right off while in the corner, I put her in the corner with the dog, I put her in a chair to eat diner facing the corner.

Everyday, everynight. Finally at the age of 6 she listens. and is a very good child. It was hard getting there though. It is hard, and when the kids are headstrong like mine and seem to be yours, it is very difficult.

As a parent try taking turns so you don't get worn out, I am a single mom thank goodness I had only one headstrong child, my oldest was an angel.

I wish you the best of luck. But remember remain consistant, if they get their way even 1 time, you have to start all over again.

Answer 7

Watch Nanny911 or Supernanny on TV. They have lots of great ideas for dealing with kids of different ages (without the spanking, if that's your major concern) and you get to see firsthand what kinds of similar parenting problems other parents have and you learn that you are not alone! I don't have kids of my own but I've learned alot from the two shows. You have to find out what the currency of each kid is (what means a lot to them if taken away). Hmmm... maybe you might want to be the next family on the show to be helped? *hint* *hint* :o) I'll be watching! Hope this helps!

Answer 8

Tell them if they do whatever it is you want them to... like pick up the toys or whatever... then you will give them a sticker... theres only so much you can get a 2 and 3 year old to do... so dont over do it.. when they get older they will listen... i have a 4 year old, 3 year old and a 1 year old... and i noticed that when the 4 year old got older she wanted to do more things... have more responsibilities, like feeding the cats, putting clothes in the laundry basket, picking up toys, putting her dishes in the sink... make a game out of what you want them to do.. MAKE IT FUN!! Stickers always help with rewarding them... i made a chart for my 4 year old that consists of simple things and when she does the "chore" then i give her a sticker,... if she gets 30 stickers then she gets to go somewhere special.. to mc donalds or to a place like chuckee cheese... They also have tunnel towns that are specially made for children under 6 =) So have fun with them, they are only young once!! =)

Answer 9

Set the rules and stick by them. Kids that don't listen know that they don't have to listen. They know if they whine and complain and cry loud enough and long enough that their parents will give in and do exactly what they said they wouldn't do. They know that their parents will threaten to punish but won't carry it out.

Grow some courage and tenacity. Be their parents, not their friends. Do this right away. Otherwise, you are raising little monsters to unleash on the world.

Answer 10

You already posted the answer...

...you said you don't spank them!

Your kids are not in fear of you in any way. You should spank them. At least have a little rubber ruler or something to show them you mean business.

Spanking is so not child abuse. I wish people would get that through their heads. It worked then, it'll work now!!! ♥

Answer 11

Ok, the best pattern to start and stick with is consistancy. My friends have the exact same problems with their kids and they're all different ages/but in grade school. When punishing them, stay consistant. Seriously. Plus, now this sounds funny but I've seen it on SuperNanny, is a naughty chair,mat, step; anything that puts them in time out...you probably already know this, but from what I've read and learned and seen with my friends is lack of consistancy in the house and I've read this is the place to start.