Please don't suggest to talk with eachother or a councelor as he hates talking.
When I want, he says no, when he wants I say no. I've tried saying yes for 2 years, when he wanted it, but he never said yes when I wanted sex. I've discussed it with him, he doesn't know why he says no when I want it. I feel like he hates it when a woman wants sex. He wants to be the one to ask always, but I'm just so loving it, so can't wait until he comes to me. What should I do? I can't pretend I don't want sex to turn him on. He knows how much I like it. Only time we have it, is when I am angry with him, or not in the mood. However even at those moments, I knew it's the only chance, so I tried to push myself in the mood. But as I know that he refused it when I ask, I just can't be motivated enough. Just to say he hates talking, so what kind of action do you think would make him in a better mood to ask for sex? and maybe at the same time, without talking, could make me feel good to accept it.
2007-03-06 04:38:07 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Like, last night, I asked him to give me a hug, and when I was lying in his shoulders I touched his "area", And he said, it's the last time I am giving you a hug. And he wasn't kidding.
2007-03-06 04:59:50 · update #1
it sound like he like angry sex . What i mean he need you to be mad in order for him to be turn on. i no it sound funny but some guys like it this way you may call it ruff sex. so what you might need to do is when your in the mood you slap his but and make him mad then look in his eyes and take him hard and ruff. hope this can help.
2007-03-06 04:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex sounds like a control issue for both of you. That is not a healthy way to look at sex.
Hmmm....non-verbal ways to induce the mood? Well.... hmmm... okay how 'bout this:
When your in the mood, get dolled up (makeup/hair/perfume/etc.) and put on your best lingerie. He will assume this is for him and tell you he is not in the mood. Say(breathy and lower than normal speach), "Sorry Baby, this isn't for you. This is for me." His curiosity should at least be tingling by now. Go in front of a full length mirror and begin the acts of self arousal. If he isn't in the room watching yet...start making "those" sounds. (Keep all doors open so he can be a peeping tom if he wishes. Which is what we are hoping for) When you know he is watching take your act to the bed and continue. At some point, (hopefully) he will want to join in and help. Let him, and he will think that he initiated it the sex, but really he just got seduced.
2007-03-06 04:59:46 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a controller and manipulator. That's why he says no, and "doesn't know why" he says no. He feels like he has "the power". The more you act like you want it...the more he'll turn you down. I'm going through the same thing. Try to satisfy yourself some, and TOTALLY ignore him and don't ask. That'll sure throw him off. He'll wonder if you're getting it someplace else. Sex is not everything, but hey, women are human beings with needs too! So, if he won't compromise, then maybe you should start thinking about what really makes YOU happy, and if he can't or won't provide it, it may be time to move on. If he won't talk, he's already shut one door in your face. Cutting you off, second door slammed. I say "three strikes and you're out, Dude."
2007-03-06 04:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Gosh it really sounds as if your husband has issues. For him to get upset with you for touching him is so unlike any normal man! Yet you say he does not like to talk and therefore will not even agree to go for counselling. Look for reading material on this. Even if he does not read it, at least by you reading it you can get some insight and ideas on how to work out this problem of his. Seems as if you married an very introverted, unapproachable man. Since you say he is turned off by a woman asking for sex, I feel there is no other option but for you to say yes when he wants it. You leave no other options to your problems. Best of luck to you!
2007-03-06 05:18:29 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not willing to talk, that's a deeper problem than just the sex, so for anything long term, you're going to have to fix that first. But sometimes short term solutions can be important to making the long term worth getting to.
Short term solutions are going to depend on exactly what it is that he doesn't like about you initiating. I mean, sometimes the easy solution is the best: if he likes feeling in control, let him tie you down or handcuff you. If my wife walked into the room naked with her hands cuffed behind her back, and needed me to scratch her nose... anyway, that's a little more than you needed out of that I think. Or it could be that he wants to feel like he's conquered you. In that case, start to kiss him, then when you feel him start to kiss back, push him away and say something like, "Knock that off... not now." Then when he starts to look like he's cooling off, start again. Every time, when he starts to get into it, push him away, until he won't be pushed away.
2007-03-06 05:01:03 · answer #5 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe he is using it asa punishment. He knows you want it, but wont give it up. I have the same problem. You want it all the time but when you ask he "isn't in the mood" but when he wants it you better be in the mood. And its hard to say "no" to your husband because you are there to please him. What I do is just wait and if I cant wait do it myself. He will get the hint when you stop pushing the subject of sex.
2007-03-06 04:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh so your trying to break him? of his little habit. Because you want to prove to him that it's not right? is that it?
He OBVIOUSLY has some issues. Especially since he can't TALK ABOUT IT! Ya well there isn't much you are willing to do either is their? I mean your letting him get his way regardless....he doesn't talk and he doesn't want you to get your way. Wonder what that is all about? I say if your going to stay with him just do what you area doing. Do it his way...but eventually the resentment will kick in! so you really gotta make a decision. Fix this the right way. With COMMUNICATION and UNDERSTANDING meaning he has to understand YOUR side as well. I mean you are married and marriage is a TWO WAY STREET isn't it?
Good luck
2007-03-06 04:45:39 · answer #7 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U R stuck with your problem if your husband won't talk. He is a control guy and has found a way to push your buttons - he may also have some sort of psychological problem about women and sex. You've probably got some contro issues too. You might try couseling by yourself to understand yours and your mans's problem better
2007-03-06 04:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I knew. My husband and I are in the same predicament. When I want it he's too tired, when he wants it I'm not feeling like it. Most of the time I just do it to make him stop whining about it. In fact, lately I've taken to crying quietly while we're doing it. So now, we just don't do it at all. If I try talking to him he gets upset and says I'm not happy with him and our sex life. I don't know the answer to that either. I'm sorry, just hang in there.
2007-03-06 05:02:56 · answer #9 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you need a frank talk. One of the very first questions a therapists asks when a couple comes in with marriage problems is, "How's the sex?"
This needs to be fixed. If he's not willing to try to fix it, then that says something about his commitment to the marriage.
2007-03-06 04:47:36 · answer #10 · answered by jplrvflyer 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋