Help on paper, Does this make sense to you?

Question

Im writing a topic overview about Cathay Pacific's IT strategy to cut costs. Does this make sense to you, all Im looking for are comments on grammar, and sentence structure. Please Critique it for me! thanks!
Overview :
Anthony Yueng, the acting general manager of information management (IM), was facing difficult choices. Cathay Pacific’s cost reduction initiative made choosing which additional IT functions were better outsourced or retained in-house a challenge. More than sixty percent of his operating budget was already earmarked for outsourced key IT functions. Moreover, the “doing more with less” mandate was a balancing act, citing the relationship between cost and quality.
Yueng’s application of “smartsourcing” was a breakthrough. “Smartsourcing” a term dubbed by internal management is a calculated approach to outsourcing. Smartsourcing made cost reduction and upgrade on quality possible---it was the “doing more with less” solution.

Answer 1

I think I would capitalize Anthony Yueng's position: General Manager of Information Management. Also, insert a comma in this sentence where I put them for you: ""Smartsourcing”, a term dubbed by internal management, is a calculated....". Finally, the last sentence should say: "Smartsourcing made cost reductions and upgrades on quality possible---it was the “doing more with less” solution." Notice the plurals. Just sounds better. In all, it looks like a very good start.

Answer 2

it sound too narrative for a overview... like it was cut from a section of the story, or essay, or paper... you need to put in more facts about the topic, so that we know more than just how Yueng used "smartsourcing", thats an examaple of something... but does't really outline anything, in outlining use lists, and discribe one, show what else they could have done, then breifly describe what they did...describe more of the different problems they faced...what other peoples solutions were, and why Yueng was picked... who picked him...more details and facts to give us a full view of the event, not a story, dig into it expose everything that went into this event...
and most of all GOOD LUCK!!!!
-Todd

Answer 3

As a business man i understood everything and i would give you an "A",
The name of the company should remain moot. after being mentioned once.

If i had any concern it would be with the amount of times you mentioned the words,
smart sourcing vs. outsourcing,
if in your preface you would have stated the the meat of the presentation ,and used abbreviation to outs cs. verses Smarts cs. would have brought the reader into the centre. allowing the reader to understand the subject rather than the name of the company, Other than that you could work for us anytime.
This formulae applies to all business.

Answer 4

Yes. It means that outsourcing the IT made the costs decrease. It looks ok to me.