I have been seeing my fiance' for two years. He is serving 4 months in jail for drunk driving. He gets out for work 6 days out of the week and I have to drive him back & forth because he has no driver's license. Every day I get up at 4 a.m., pack his lunch, wake my 8 & 10 year-old kids up and drive 35 miles to the jail to pick him up. I then bring him to work, which is another 6 miles out of my way. Then, I drive home again, make breakfast for the kids, get them ready for school, drive 13 miles to the school, drop them off & go back home. It all starts over again in the afternoon. We don't get home until 7 pm, (unless it's girl scouts, boy scouts or junior bowling league) or later. My kids go to school from 8 am until 4 pm Tues-Friday. They have special needs & have appointments throughout the week that I try to schedule around everything else. I'm so burned out & it's only been a month! My fiance never tells me he loves me & treats me like a taxi driver. There's much more to this.....
2007-03-06 04:24:41 · 12 answers · asked by sneaky squirrel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are not stupid. He's just serving 4 months in jail... When a man falls, he expects his partner to contribute, not to leave him... Yes, you have been doing a lot for him, which he should show appreciation... He's in jail, so are other people for other reasons, so there's nothing strange and unusual about him being in jail... We get drunk on special occasions and we fail in life unconsciously... You are certainly not being stupid but rather supportive... I wish I had a woman like you... The kids will have to understand. It will be only 3 more months to go. Stay with your man and be a supportive woman. That's what love made of...
2007-03-06 05:10:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not fair to the kids and to yourself, if you want to continue to do this then find someone to help with the kids, have someone stay the night or come early in the morning to watch them while you do the running. Doesn't your fiance have family that can help out maybe 1/2 of the week either to watch the kids or do the pick up or drop off of your fiance?
2007-03-06 12:33:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand you loving your fiance and trying to be there for him, but you have to put yourself and your kids first.
If you are so burnt out think about a 8 & 10 year old getting up at 4a.m everyday and not getting home until 7p.m, then there's homework, chores and all that. I don't know enough to judge this man but its unlikely that he would be in jail for a 1st offence. You need to decide if this is a pattern you can live with for the rest of your life.
Where is everyone else in his life? Brothers? Family?
Maybe you could continue visiting him in jail, twice or so per week but have a talk with him. TELL HIM he needs to arrange to pay someone to drive him to and from work, or have other family memebers alternate it, just let him know you can't keep up.
I hate to say this but if he loves you now will be the time for him to show it. Now would be the time for him to show that he understand that you have your children's needs to think of and their well being, plus you are already dealing with the stress of his being in jail.
Maybe your kids are already feeling like they come 2nd to your man because you are putting them through all this to be there for him, over something STUPID that he did.
Stupid is not the word I would use for you, although you really are extending yourself too much. If you have a nervous breakdown, what will happen to your kids? Think about your kids and yourself first, then work out something else to show your boyfriend you want to be there for him, but driving him around is too much since its so far out of your daily routine.
Some people don't express love in words easily, but you need to judge his actions to see of he loves you. Does he treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated(under the circumstances saying it, or at least thank may be the best he could do).
Support him anyway you can, without stressing out yourself or your kids.
2007-03-06 12:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by ayanagin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have answered your own question you know. You started off by asking if you were stupid. No one ever asks this question unless they have some serious doubt about themselves and what they are doing. You probably love him, but does he love you? You already know the answer to that too. if he did, you would have never had the chance to say all these things. Don't let your kids see you being pushed around and used. They'll either do it when they're older or they'll let someone else do it to them.
2007-03-06 12:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by crystalglass_33 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well he sound like a waste of time to me, and he should be down on his knees kissing your *** for doing a whole bunch of **** that you really don't have to do! I can tell that you love him, and because of this love you have for him, he should appreciate everything you do! You have 2 children who needs your time devoted to them as well, and he is basically using you, so I would say sit back and re-evaluate all the facts, and then you can determine if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with!! Good Luck!!
2007-03-06 12:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by kay-kay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No convict is worth that amount of effort. And he's not in jail for 1 drunk driving infraction, either. so something happened while he was drunk driving, or he's been caught more than once which makes him a stone moron. You'll really going through hell for someone like that?
2007-03-06 12:29:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are being stupid (sorry, but you asked!) You should stop putting your boyfriends needs ahead of your kids' and your own. Your kids have only you to take care of them, he is a grown man and can take care of himself, and needs to suffer the consequences of his own actions. He is a unappreciative jerk, and if he was any kind of MAN he would not expect you to do all of this for him. If it is this bad now, what kind of future do you think you will have with him? DUMP HIM before things get worse for you, and they will, as soon as he gets out of jail.
2007-03-06 12:54:33 · answer #7 · answered by Susan H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In my opinion I think are being kinda stupid because that is WAYYYYY too much to be doing for someone who for 1 made a dumb chioce to drive drink and then isn't grateful for what you do for him. So I think you need to find yourself another fiance. You also need to think about your sanity a nd health and your childrens well-being. What if they were in that car with him when he was driving drunk and it ended up worse than him just going to jail. I say drop him ASAP!!!!!
2007-03-06 12:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by Vonne W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you'd have your hands full with just your kids let alone if they've special needs. Yea, I think the last thing you need is another project, your "fiance'". Make a choice...your kids' best interest or coddle your fear of being alone. I vote for the younguns.
2007-03-06 12:34:55 · answer #9 · answered by lawolifer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start living life with your kids....and meet a nice guy who is not in jail and possibly has his own car.
You're doing way too much for someone who is, in my opinion, using you.
Are you being stupid? Probably, but that's not for me to say.
2007-03-06 12:44:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋