marriage help?

Question

my boyfriend and I got married in Dec. 27 of last year. We know got are own apartment In vista, Im 20 and his 20, but when we got married he was only 19 years old. Everyone kept telling us that we needed more time and that we were to young. Know that a month has gone by. Him being in the military and I having a job. I feel like with us both working we bring are stress at home and take things out on each other. We have been fighting over stupid things and we used to be best friends but I feel like Im losing him.
He says he doesnt regreat me but he regreats the time of getting married so fast. that he wished that we were still dating or just living together with out being married. He says he wished thing were the same when we were dating. I feel like he has been so stressed out cause he misses his friends and being a normal 20 year old kid. that He has looked to much into this marriage and things that since were married that we cant live and have fun anymore. We hardly talk anymore

We just come home he goes on the computer and I make dinner and then go to bed. I feel like all we do is stay in this small apartment and were not getting out and thats whats making us fight and going are own ways. I have told him we need to get out and do things like we did when we were dating. I think being married is hard but I dont think it should change are relationship with each other.
do you have any advice of things we could do so we can talk more and be best friends again. Places to go and fun things to do so he doenst have to stress out about being married and just worrie about having fun

Answer 1

You are right, marriage is work. If all you do is work come home and go to sleep then you will be unhappy. Convince your husband to go out with you. Do things like you used to when you were dating. Also, you may suggest that he go out with his friend once or twice a week and you do the same. Just because you two are married doesn't mean you can't have your own friend. A day or two to hang with the "boys" (or "girls") may be what you need so that you don't feel soffocated. Good luck. I hope it works out. I married young ( I was 21 and she was 19) and we are doing fine 12 years later.

Answer 2

I am one of the many, I'm sure, to say I know what you're going through. I got married at the age of 20. Marriage is a very different ballpark than dating. We had been together a total of 2 years and married for 6 months when I thought we'd never make it. Between 6 months to 3 years the euphoric part of love wears off and the hard work begins. You both need to really try at the love now. I had your husband's problem. I didn't want to give up being a normal college student. The thing is, if you choose to be married, it must be given up. Unfortunately, all you can go is change you. Write down very specific goals for your marriage. Answer the following question: If we had a healthy relationship that I was happy in, we'd... or I'd... or he'd... Don't be general. Don't say, I'd be respected. What does that mean? He may think he's respecting you with his actions, when they aren't what you'll looking for. Here's an example of a good answer. If we had a healthy marriage that I was happy in, we'd take two walks a week and talk. Ask him to do the same and then truly commit to fulfilling each other's needs. Be honest with yourselves. Marriage is work, not easy and not always cloud nine.
Most importantly, if you are at all religious, give your marriage to Christ. He's honestly the only one that can fix it.

Answer 3

Yes, he wants the milk but regrets buying the cow and that is one of the stupidest things I have heard, no offense to you or your husband, but he chose to marry you, and he chose to for a reason, getting married does not change that much.

You and him need to get out of the apartment and stop bringing all that stress home, to both of you. I am married to a military man, I am a full time student and we don't fight, it is about priorities and you need to make your relationship a priority. Can he not hang out with his friends now that you are married?? What does a normal 20 year old do? I would suggest with him being in the military you get the free marriage counseling that is available. They can help you immensely. Good Luck hun, and don't worry it will get better if you both communicate, let him go out, have fun with friends, there might be more than being with you going on.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear about your relationship after getting married. Yes you two are rather young and maybe you did rush things. All I know is that, if you love that special person being married should of strengthened it. I guess now you two better make the best of it. Time will only tell what happens to your marriage. Keep it alive if you both feel strong feelings for each other. Do what you use to do when you dated. Keeping a marriage healthy is fulfilling each other needs and loving them 24\7. "Step up to the plate and be responsible" Cocoa

Answer 5

That's a tough one. When my first wife and I got married, I was 19 and she was 17. Nothing really changed in our lives though, we still went out and partied with our friends just like we did before we got married. You two need to get out and do things together as a couple or you will end up divorced.

By the way, my first marriage lasted 16-years. So it can be done.

Answer 6

Welcome to THE REALITY of marriage this is Happily ever after haha.
Don't be so quick to think you made a mistake! It's all about working through the marriage and relationship. You both have to make an effort to want to be in a happy marriage. Nothing has changed but you need to communicate more. There is life after marriage FOR BOTH OF YOU! what fun are you missing? Why can't he see his friends? and why don't you all go out on a date and enjoy your selves? did you not enjoy each others company before? Now would be a good time to see a counselor.

Answer 7

A 20 year old who doesn't want the committment and responsibility of marriage! Big surprise! What is the world coming to?!

Now you are stuck. Just don't get pregnant and bring a child in to this pathetic situation! No need to ruin yet another life with your immaturity and impetuousness. You have 2 options-counseling and divorce. Since there are no children involved I would opt for divorce. Give the boy back his freedom and chalk this up as a learning experience. You aren't going to change him and he isn't going to magically grow up overnight. Be a realist and stop being a naive little girl. You made a mistake, he made a mistake, neither of you are emotionally ready for the demands of marriage and certainly not ready to have children which often accompanies marriage.

Chalk this up as a loss. Move on. Give yourself some time to mature and grow and someday you will find the right MAN at the right TIME and a marriage that is as it should be: two adults living in relative harmony.

Answer 8

YOu need to get out of your apt. even if you don't have a lot of money to spend, find things that are free to do. My husband and I have been married 4 years, and sometimes we feel like that too, it;s normal. All marriages go through down times. And it's always worse, when you're both stuck in the house together, all the time. You start to get "Cabin Fever"! Fighting for no good reason!
Good Luck

Answer 9

Now's a fine time for him to tell you he regrets getting married. He's got 2 choices, either he can suck it up and be a man about it or he can keep acting like a 20 year old kid. Without giving 100-100, this marriage isn't going to work.

Answer 10

You guys got nothing else but you two it seems...I mean no kids right? why not go out more...movies, clubs, etc. whatever you use to do...Marriage shouldn't be the ending of a relationship just cause of a piece of paper and ring it should be the meaning of a life together! Take a vacation, give each other night out with the boys/girls, hell go out together with his boys or your girls. Definitely don't stop talking to each other.