Can you help me with my problem?

Question

The problem is me and my husbands family ,we dont get a long there is no communication between me and them except my husband and they try to poison my life through him we fight all the time because of them and what they say about me .they have done enough damage to my life and marriage I cant even look at them or see them. and every time we fight about them he threatens that he will leave and he packs his stuff and leave somtimes he go to their house and somtimes to a hotel and after 2 or 3 days he comes back , I am sick and tired of this it is been going on for the last seven years . I am realy exausted now I have 2 children under the age of 5 I dont realy know what to do ,what is he doing now he fights with me then he sleeps in a diffrent room or watch porn on the net I found out through the internet history , or he looks at girls when me and the kids are with him , I dont know what he does behind my back , I am tired of what is going on we tried councilling it did not work .

Answer 1

if the situation is unsatisfactory for you---u may wish to consider divorce as an option

Answer 2

Girl, I've been through all of the above. The thing with his family is, they are NEVER going to go away. And apparently, he does not think enough of you to let them know that YOU are not going to go away, and that they should learn to tolerate you and at least be nice to you and have respect for you as the partner HE chose to spend his life with. He cannot turn his back on his family, however, as they ARE family. You would not want to turn your back on your family. All men look at porn, but if it's affecting your marriage, then you need to address it. It probably won't do a bit of good to address it, though, if he wants to do it anyway, he will.
If you honestly "don't know" what he's doing behind your back, and don't trust him, YOU need to decide if YOU can live with that looming over your head ALL the time. Yes, you have two young children, and they deserve a stable, loving home, whether that is with one parent in the house, or two. It's your job as a mother to see that they get that. If you are not happy, then you need to address that too, no matter how hard it is. If he's sleeping in a different room, he's trying to control the situation and punish you. It's that simple. My husband pulled that too. I found that the more I ignored it, and acted like I was happy in spite of him, and did my own thing, and made it known that it was not acceptable and I would not live like that forever....he changed that part. He still does porn, and I'm deciding if it's something I can live with or not, as he has a major problem in that area. It's really hard sometimes to take the step to do what you need to do for you, but you HAVE to. Life is too short to spend it wishing for something better. Make it happen! You deserve a loving partner that respects you, and stands up for you, and supports you. If he cannot fill the job, then put on your big girl panties and go find someone that will, OR make a life on your own with your kids, but whatever you do, listen to your inner voice.....and stop accepting garbage in your life, or you will never get more than that....garbage.

Answer 3

Councelling only works if both parties really want the marriage to work. The Bible says, "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
It sounds like he hasn't quite done that. Likewise, porn is a deadly poision to any relationship. Unfortunately, all you can do is change you, not him. It may seem impossible, but there is cause and effect. If you change a little, he may react possitively to it. I don't know what the issues are with his family, and they may be hurtful, but try to be the kind person. Show them up by showing patience and kindness even if you don't feel like being patient or kind. Also, pick your battles with your husband wisely and don't be a nag. It's natural for him to feel defensive of his family if/when you insult them. Instead, tell him simply how the action of his family (don't even mention the member's name) made you feel. If his family is all talk, ignore the talk. Prove them wrong. Don't underestimate the power of turning the other cheek.

Answer 4

It seems his family in interfering with your life. The only thing to suggest is moving away so they won't be near. If he watches porn and looks at girls, there is a big problem in your marriage. Divorce may be your only option and it could be the best thing under the circumstances. He has his priorities all screwed up because he has chosen them over you. I know from experience that counseling only works when the person or persons want it to work. Counselors aren't magicians. I'm sorry for your situation.

Answer 5

Ok well you married a jerk who chooses his family over you. You obviously had many clues to this BEFORE you married him and BEFORE you created little human beings with him. Now you have a mess of your own making and you are seeking to blame everyone but yourself. Now you have to make the best of the situtaion for your children. So unless his family is destructive or dangerous you have an obligation to make nice, be pleasant and put on a happy face-FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S SAKE. If you nag constantly and try to powerplay him in to what you want him to do his reaction is going to be just as you desribed-pulling away from you. Be sweet and loving to him, be a good mother, tolerate his family but focus on your own. Meet him at the door with a big hug and kiss every day, bake his favorite cookies, wear a sexy outfit and before you know it you will have him eating out of the palm of your hand and it won't matter what his family says and does he will love you and all will be well in your marriage. You have the power to do all that and it isn't going to happen if you harp on him, worry about what his family is doing and try to force your hand.

Answer 6

divorce him and get custody of your kid's and later on find a real man not some one who runs to his parents