My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. The first 6, my husband spent a lot of time in the basement with a music hobby. He regularly had innapproriate relations with other women. An emotional affair with a woman from his work. His ex-wife. Some obnoxious e-mails and pictures through myspace to 17 year old girls. And a continued friendship with an ex, where they joked about the sexy 17 yr old girls being 18 soon. A year and a half ago, I kissed a guy at the bar. I felt so crappy that I came home and told him. He has punished me ever since. He has controlled me and spied on me. He even calls the haircut place to see if I am there. I recently found spy software he loaded on my puter and he lied about it 6 times, that same night I made it out to hear his band play, he accused me of looking at a guy. He blames me for his insecurities. I have been angry and verbally abusive to him for quite awhile and I don't know how to stop. What to do?
2007-03-06 04:02:33 · 20 answers · asked by Me 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, we have a 3 year old son. And each have a daughter from a prior marriage. That's why divorce is not taken lightly!
2007-03-06 04:09:38 · update #1
Get some counseling. He is feeling insecure about your relationship because he knows he has done wrong.
2007-03-06 04:22:31 · answer #1 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry, but these children are better off in a home with ONE parent, feeling love, security, and safety, than in a home with two parents feeling the direct opposite. Sometimes divorce IS the answer! Obviously, you guys have no trust. He has no right to treat you this way, considering his behavior in the marriage. My best advice to you is to sit him down, you guys have a heart to heart. If you really want it to work, the manipulation, the controlling, all of that has to stop and stop now, and you need to focus on regaining trust in each other by EARNING it! If he won't talk, then put your big girl panties on and move on, and show your daughter that this kind of life is NOT normal, nor acceptable!
2007-03-06 04:12:58 · answer #2 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are all kinds of problems here that need to be addressed. There are trust issues that can only be repaired by seeking professional help. You both have been subject to bad behavior and are doing very little to keep your relationship on course. No one is working towards building a relationship its all destructive. A long sit down is long overdue. You both need to take stock in this relationship and first determine if its worth saving. If it is you must get into a therapist and start building the foundation which will enable you to move forward.
2007-03-06 04:10:37 · answer #3 · answered by Devdude 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
And you are still there because.....?????? Usually if someone starts accusing the other of infidelities it's because they are guilty of the same. If you want to make this work, then you two are probably going to have to go to counseling. I think you guys are past the point of trying to work it out on your own. Who knows. Sounds like a lot of mistrust is going on in this relationship. I would suggest trying to work on the relationship with a counselor before just giving up on it. If it still doesn't work out, then at least you will know that you tried to salvage this relationship.
2007-03-06 04:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when a marriage is truly bad, the children suffer less if the couple divorces. The tension in the home of a couple who've run their marriage in the ditch is not a healthy place for children.
2007-03-06 04:16:12 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to file the divorce papers. You don't have a marriage, you have a battle ground and whoever hurts the other the most wins (loses).
Time to sever the ties and both of you move on with your lives.
2007-03-06 04:09:13 · answer #6 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was where you were honey for 9 long years of being with a CONTROLLING A** like that. We have 3 from that marriage. It is better to Happy with the kids and you than to be with him and unhappy. Good luck to you.
2007-03-06 04:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you get to get out of that relationship, he is scum and he treats you horrible, that is crap, your daughter and your son need better role models then that, do you really want your son to act like that when he gets older? He cheated on you and that is when you should have said goodbye, but now you need to, he is controlling and he needs to realize that you aren't going to be there to take his crap forever. It is not your fault, he has insecurities because while he has cheated he always just assumed that you were sitting at home waiting on baited breath for him to come home.
2007-03-06 04:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some serious counseling is in order. Get a good one. Not one that takes sides. Also try ''The proper care and feeding of marriage'', there is achapter called to hell and back. read it. It can help
2007-03-06 04:45:08 · answer #9 · answered by megan261980 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it looks like he thinks you are him. He is the one who is looking around and he is the one cheating on you. he just sounds like he is scared that you would do the same to him as he did to you..
In a relationship you need to trust him, and he needs to trust you. He is not reliable (showed that many times by cheating on you!!)and eventhough you are reliable he doesnt trust you.
I just feel you can get yourself a better relationship than this.
If i felt that your husband valued you i would suggest speaking to him, but i feel he is just jelaous for his own sake and he doesnt value you as he should.
2007-03-06 04:09:28 · answer #10 · answered by chameleonGA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋