How can I get my son to talk to me again?

Question

I am a non Custodial legal father of a 17 year old son.
He has stopped all communications with me in the last 12 Months.
I do pay my child support obligations on time.
Can anyone help me re-establish communications with him?
Any creative ideas. I miss him so much
Thanks.
Broken heart Dad

Answer 1

There has to be a reason why he has cut you out of his life. It may stem from what he knows about the cause of the divorce. All you can do is continue to let him know that you love him, miss him and really want to be a part of his life. Mybe the Mother is feeding him details either true or false.

Answer 2

There are several possibilities for a 17 year old. He could be in trouble with girls, substances, or grades and doesn't want anybody to nag him. The other possibility is your wife could be pumping him with wrong info or she couldn't deal with him either but not want to tell you. Or he has somehow formed an opinion that he needed to be alone.

You can do some investigation such as going to the school and find out his grades (you have the right as a parent). How he does at school gives you a lot of hints to what's next.

You were 17 once. How did you want to be talked to? Definitely not as a kid any more. That doesn't mean you should take him to a bar drinking either. If he is into sports, take him to a game. Lots of questions DON'T work. You want some initial icebreakers and that's it. But you have to keep the commitment going.

My son is only 13 and he reminds me of myself so much. My father was great but he spent all his time supporting the family so he didn't talk to me that much. I hold no grudge on him. But that's doesn't mean I want the same thing to repeat. Having a son that is a mirror image of me helps me understand his mind and figure out the best approach to deal with him.

Answer 3

First of all let me just say that I feel for you. I don't know how it feels when someone that I love will not even talk to me. For every divorce parents, it always the kids that suffers. Have you ever thought that before the divorce,your son probably look up to you as his mentor?? Father and son has a very deep bond and when this bond get broken,one will be hurt and it's your son that was paying for it.
See if you can see him face to face while his at the school, or call him to meet you for lunch even, then if he did show up talk to him, dont bring up the cost of the divorce. treat him as a big man and at the same time show your affection to him, this will all come out because you love him. Follow your heart and tell him how hurt you are because your loosing the only son that you have. He might resist you at first but if you keep on trying then he will know that you meant what you are talking about..........good luck to you!!

p.s.
17 years old is the age where teenagers are learning what they want in life,so be there for him....

Answer 4

Good for you on the child support. Teenagers are tough, don't know what baggage he is carrying from all of this. He may have misunderstandings of what he has seen or heard. 1) Don't talk bad about his mom even if she deserves it, it is not his place to take sides, (who wants to be tug toy in the middle of two people you love?). 2) If you have done so in the past apologize and tell him that you were wrong and you were just hurt and angry at her. 3) Write down how you feel in a letter, then request a few minutes of his time so he can read it with you or you read it to him. This will help avoid the emotional sidetracking that sometimes occurs in a conversation. If you send it to him you don't know if he read it. 4) Ask for your ex's help to get him to meet with you Remember your goal, getting your son back......How far are you willing to go. Be honest and real above all else, he may feel you abandoned him. You may not get immediate results so don't push, just don't quit trying so he knows your seriously going to be there for him. Do not try to buy his love, it cheapens the whole thing and makes you come across as shallow and unreal.

Answer 5

Is your ex saying things to your son that would make him angry with you? So many divorced parents use the kids as tools against their ex. My parents divorced when I was a toddler and my dad lived about a half hour or so from my sister and I, but yet he didn't really show much interest in us. I consider my step dad my real dad now. My real dad doesn't even send me birthday cards. Sit down with your son and ask him straight out if you did something to hurt him. Then talk to your ex to see if there is a problem. Don't give up and hopefully your son will eventually come around. He's at that age where he doesn't want his parents around and just wants to be with his friends. Don't take it personally, it's just the way kids are. Good luck.

Answer 6

In my experience, 17 year old children don't spend a whole lot of time talking to their parents. The key is to continue trying to communicate with him, in a non-threatening, low-pressure way. An occasional note, phone call, invitation to lunch or dinner, etc., would be appropriate, as long as you can handle the rejection if he says no and just let it go. Could he be getting pressure at from his other parent to not communicate? Would the other parent intervene on your behalf? Be patient, he will likely eventually come around, and when he does, it will be worth the wait. Don't give up!

Answer 7

I was in the same situation with my daughter.We did not communicate for 4 months. About 2 weaks ago I decided to swallow my pride and give her a call. I even blocked my number just in case she decides not to answer the phone. Anyway she answer the phone and all I could say was " I still love you and I miss you." (she heard my crying.) She asked, what was wrong? I said these are happy tears...cause I'm just happy to hear your voice. She said I,m comming over Mom. And she came over within an hour and we have been speaking since. Those 4 months was a waste of time. We missed Thanksgiving, Christmas,New Years and her birthday. And forbid that something would of happend to her I could of never forgive myself for not trying to get her back in my life. So don't give up and follow your heart...Good Luck.

Answer 8

There is obviously a reason that he is acting this way whether you did something that really hurt him or maybe he just misses you being there and has decided to take his frustrations out on you, you know push you away so he doesn't have feel the pain, only the anger. You know the types of things he likes to do? If not try and find out without him knowing and plan a day that you two can do something on his list of favorites, Is there a band he really likes that might be coming to town soon that you could surprise him and get tickets for the both of you and go to dinner or something and then the concert together? Something simple but something that he likes that you can do together that will show him that you want to be there for him and you care enough about him to go out of your way to do something he enjoys. I hope everything works out and hopefully he will come to his senses.

Answer 9

Find out what he likes to do. As the mother of a 20 year old,

and a 23 year old; I would say, high school age is the worst

rebellious age. Hopefully, he will come around and be nice in

a year or so. I wish parents wouldn't coddle their kids; and I

wish divorced spouses wouldn't downtalk their former spouse.

Now my kids and I have a pretty good relationship; except they

want to be with their boyfriend or friends all the time (too much.)

Answer 10

Ok coming from the standpoint of a daughter who didn't want anything to do with her father because he treated me badly as a child hear me out.

No matter how much you want to establish a relationship with your son, if he is not ready to make that leap of faith you CANNOT force him. If you keep on trying to be involved it will only frustrate, anger and alienate him.

What you truly need to do is give the child some space. Give it time, and accept the possibility that you may never be close in the future.