i married in 2001 when i was 19. i have always loved my husband but never been in love with him. things have never been easy for us and life has been very stressful. then last december i met someone else and feel that i am in love with him. i feel with him i have found what i always wanted but never thought existed. i have not cheated on my husband in a sexual way with this man though i do feel i am cheating on him emotionally. i guess my question is should i listen to my head, honour my commitment i made when i married and stay with my husband or listen to my heart and leave? we have no children.
2007-03-06 03:53:35 · 48 answers · asked by heidi n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I got married in 2000 when I was 18 and was in pretty much the same situation as you. If you love someone but you aren't in love with them then get out now because it can easily turn to hate, trust me I know.
I would suggest that you leave your husband and get a place on your own, see the guy you love and see what happens, otherwise it's like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
I left my husband three years ago now and it was extremely hard but it was also the best decision I ever made.
I lived on my own for a while and it was fantastic, you can learn a lot about yourself by living alone.
I am with someone else now and we live together, although it sounds harsh I am so glad I left otherwise I wouldn't be with the love of my life.
We must be the same age (24/25)?
Be true to yourself, you only get one life.
If you need any support email me babyjayney@yahoo.co.uk
2007-03-06 04:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by babyjayney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should weigh up this decision carefully. Is it lust you feel with the new man or love? The excitement of a new relationship can often be confused with love so try to make sure it is clear in your own head which this is.
You did make a committment to your current partner but the way I see it, you only get one chance at life. If you truly love this new man and it is mutual you should follow your heart because otherwie you will blame your husband for not being this other man, every day you are together.
This is probably one of the hardest decisions you will ever make so take some time to think it over and don't just go diving into the new relationship. Give it time to develop and get to know the new man better before making such a huge decision.
I hope this works out for you.
2007-03-06 04:03:40 · answer #2 · answered by Steven M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may only be a passing thing with this other man, but then again it may not. Life's too short too stay in a relationship that has run its course - even though you are married. You married very young and I think you have realised that this may have been a mistake. You have to be true to yourself and to your husband - he wouldn't want you to stay with him through duty because you are married. I think you have to listen to your heart and do what is right for you. You will resent your husband in the long run if you miss your chance of true happiness with this other man. You have no children so there are no complications there. As I already said life's too short I say you must always follow your heart. Good luck and I hope it all turns out okay.
2007-03-06 04:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by missieclass 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 19, you should be smart enough to be able to figure this one out on your own. But then again, you are probably surrounded by Godless and immoral liberals and may be one yourself. You will certainly get many of these types answering your question no doubt. You have probably always heard that you should follow your heart and you have a right to be happy. Too bad most people who say much of the above things never bother to really sit and think about the ramifications of what they say. They never think it through to the logical conclusion.
Plainly and simply, you got married, took your vows and made promises and commitments to God, your hubby and yourself. It was your choice to say yes or no to marriage, was it not? You made that choice and commited, right? Well, once you opted in, your mate, God and society have a right to expect you to do what you gave your word to do and to see it through.
No, the heart is not what should be followed in so many cases. Just how many times has your heart told you to choke the crap out of someone? Did you? Would following your heart have been good then? Look, your emotions can tell you and help you justify many things, to include doing many wrongs. You should already see and understand that.
Look, if you dont think that people should do what they commited to do, then you will have no right to be upset or hurt or mad when you are screwed over or taken advantage by others. For they are probably just following their hearts and own personal moral code.
2007-03-06 04:29:05 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you marry someone if you weren't in love? Marriage is never easy, and this other guy looks so good to you because you are in lust, not love. He is not the perfect man you are imagining he is, he has flaws and faults like everyone. Stay away from him and honour your marriage vows. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. If you put as much energy into your marriage as you do fantasizing about the other guy you might be surprised. Life is what you make it, so is marriage. Marriage is not something that should be entered into lightly, neither should it be tossed aside at your convenience.
2007-03-06 04:01:48 · answer #5 · answered by QT 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did take vows when you married your husband. I agree with you in that in a way you are cheating on him.
Honor is hard to come by these days, but so is true love. I don't know what I would do in your situation. I guess I'd pray a lot and ask the Creator for help in making this decision.
Good luck!
2007-03-06 04:02:23 · answer #6 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lyrics from a Roxette song, check it out at you tube, the chorus could be your answer!!!
I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.
Listen to your heart when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.
And there are voices that want to be heard.
So much to mention but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been when love was wilder than the wind.
2007-03-06 04:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
i say u should follow your heart and i say this because maybe
you got married to early and to the wrong person. iam not saying just jump up and leave your husband but talk to him and see
where he is coming from maybe he feels the same way about you and you just dont know it. if he agrees on you both spliting up
wheather you get a divorce or not then you go and be with this
other guy but i would advise you not to marry him to soon.
get to know him and spend more long periods of times with
him than you did with your husband before you married him
and dont rush marraige. there is nothing worst than staying
in a marriage that your not happy with you have only one life
to live and its all about being happy wheather your broke or
rich. your marraige is not going to work anyway if you
continue to stay in it unhappy you will end up cheating on your
husband. talk to him first and you two work something out. i know who you feel i married my husband may 25, 2006 and iam
32 years old. when i married him i did not love him either but
i cared for him. and now iam falling in love with my husband.
we have grew stronger and iam in love with him and i love
him to thats the difference. well hope it works out for you good luck.
2007-03-06 04:07:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By staying with your husband, you're really not benefiting him at all. It's insulting really to be settled for. You're only saving yourself from loneliness, but that's selfish. He'll get over the pain, and live again. Don't tell him you never loved him that way. Some things are better left unsaid. I must warn you though, the feelings you have for this other man may not last forever.
2007-03-06 03:59:41 · answer #9 · answered by Tink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cheat on your husband it will only make things worse. Pluck up the courage to talk to him about the way you feel, and try to spice up your marriage, (not just in the bedroom)
It would be so sad to lose the guy you chose back then because you can't rev things up a bit. Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do and it needs constant maintenance, and working at.
2007-03-06 04:40:42 · answer #10 · answered by isleofskye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋