What is average day like for you stay at home moms with children not in school yet?

Question

I have kids 6, 2, and 11 months. Although there is tons of work to do in the home, I feel like the majority of the time is spent doing for them (dressing them, changing diapers, feeding and entertaining). I get frustrated trying to find activities that will include all 3, because usually it doesn't work. I don't want to become uncaring and just turn them over to the tv, video games, and computer, but it seems like they are happier doing that stuff. When I'm trying to do fun things and play with them , they seem so unappreciative... how can I enjoy them more and not feel so obligated to be this "supermom"? I'm blessed to have them and to be able to stay home, but some days I just want to scream (today being one of those days). I'd rather be cleaning the toilet than listening to the complaints and nonsense.....

Answer 1

Typically my day is stress full. I really try to get one day a week that I can do some thing for a couple of hours by myself. To keep my sanity. It makes a huge difference on my outlook for the rest of the week.

Answer 2

The one flaw in your plan that I don't see that anyone else has pointed out (though I didn't read all of the answers too carefully) is that, in most states, you only get a set amount of time to be on food stamps and public assistance, and it's not that long. Also during that time, you have to show you are actively trying to find work by submitting applications (several a week) and not refusing ANY work that is offered to you. The people that I know who are on public assistance often end up working just as hard to find a job as they would if they were actually working. Of course, there is also the issue that if you stay home to get your money back out of the system, then the taxes will go up for everyone else - including your husband, assuming he is working. On top of all that, you have to make very little money to qualify for assistance - in most states it is less than the federal poverty limit which this year is $18,310 a year. So, you figure you make $18k a year - you'll pay $4500 a year in taxes, leaving you with 13,500 a year take home - just over $1000 a month. Also, you can't have a car worth more than about $1000 and qualify for assistance, or have any money in the bank. So, you won't be able to save any money for an emergency on $1000 a month supporting 3 people, you will have a crappy car that could go at any moment and no way to get the money to fix it if it does. It's a recipe for disaster. And what do you get for all that? About $150 a month in food stamps and free health insurance. So, is it worth it? Not to mention if you leave your job and decide you can't make it on 1 income, it's really tough to find a new job in this economy..

Answer 3

I'm a stay at home mom, too. I hear ya. When my little angels complain I have no problem giving in and turning on Finding Nemo for the 100th time. You don't have to be supermom. When the airplane loses oxygen they say to put the mask on yourself then help your kids, right? So mama, are you doing that? Have you done anything to recharge your batteries? When is the last time you had a sitter at the house so you could go do something for you? When is the last time you left your husband at home with the kids so you could meet your girlfriends for coffee or *gasp* a glass of wine?

My kids know we have to do what mom needs to do before they get to play. If they whine at the Post Office & dry cleaners then they don't get to go to the park. I'm trying to teach them that it's not always about them and I pray it's sinking in.

You sound like a smart lady, so what have you done for yourself in the last month? Here's my test: I look at my toenails. Are they painted, glossy and pretty? If not, get a pedicure! It's just a bit of pampering, but it's vital to do something nice for yourself! I found a nail salon that's open 7 days a week, so anytime my husband can watch the kids for an hour I am outta here!

We love the site gocitykids.com. You enter your city and state and they provide you with a huge list of activities to do indoors outdoors and stuff that's just a day trip away.

Please delegate some of your work to the kids, your hubby and be sure to call in the sitter when things get too nutty!

Answer 4

Sounds like you need a well-deserved break! Is there a parent, friend, or neighbor that could take them for awhile so you can unwind and just relax?

As for things that all three could enjoy, do you have a family center or YMCA that has "open gym" play? There should be even a gross motor skill area, with mats, for your 11 month old there. It's a great way for kids to burn some of that energy and for other parents to interact as well. Does your library have story hour? Certainly the six and two year old could sit on the floor for that and your 11 month old on your lap? Is the weather nice where you live? Take the stroller or wagon and let the kids run!

Answer 5

My wife is a stay at home mom with 3 year old twin boys. Anytime I am left alone with them for an extended period of time, I feel the same way. Allowing them to help with daily chores helps, although it was VERY frustrating at first. But now they know they are not allowed to get another toy out (cars, train tracks, etc) until everything else is clean. That way the house stays a little cleaner. Allow them to each have their own (alone) limited TV time, video game time, etc. This might allow you to spend time with the other two, not having to worry about the third. I have noticed that when we get our boys apart, things seem to run a little smoother for a while. Maybe dad could take one or two to the store or somewhere fun once in a while?

Answer 6

ha ha ha.. I feel like i'm not alone anymore. I have children ages 8, 4, and 1. I've been a SAHM for a bit now. I have had jobs and i would rather stay at home for now. I feel myself being their teacher during the day. What i just recently purchased was a few things from Oriental Trading .com GREAT PLACE for teacher supplies. Children get bored just as easily as we parents do. You'd be surprised , but i'm sure your children are getting restless of "mommy" comming up with stuff for them to do all the time. Try the School atmosphere. You'll be very surprised as to how they want to learn. I have a couple of site on the internet i grab things from. I even run a few sites for SAHM's like ourselves. Children LOVE to be told when they are doing good. They also love to see their name up in lights!! For your oldest one that is in school ( the 6 yr old ) try asking him/her what they do at school. Try copying the work that your child may bring home and INTRODUCE it to your 2 yr old. I know i know DIFFERENT age levels. it's not like your 2 year old will start writing, but if he/she picks up a pencil or crayon they'll feel like their JUST AS SMART as their older sibling. Try it out!
Try also making a daily Routine. Put them on a schedule. It'll take a good two week if you do it right. But put nap time into the routine, special times to eat and a time where you know you have at least ONE hour to do something the requires a lot of energy. Shoot.. my 4 year old helps with dishes and house works and we make it into a game!! ( that always works )

OH and if you can contact me on messenger--hvnsflnangel

Answer 7

Girl! I have 3 boys and it's a circus. You're going to have days like that. Nobody's perfect. You're also going to have times when you think you're not good enough or doing anything right. It's part of being a mother. The exhaustion from keeping up the house, feeding, bathing, making everyone happy, sick ones, laundry etc... It's hard and crazy work. I say as long as everybody is happy and nobody is crying it's all good.

Answer 8

That is quite an age gap to keep them all busy at once but it isn't impossible.

Cleaning and other chores around the house doesn't have to be horrible for anyone. You can start them at this age and the benefits are endless: they get time with you. They get life skills, they get to contribute, they get supervised.

Even your baby can be in on the action. Of course your kids aren't going to help much. But you can let them think they are. For the tinies, give them a small broom, or a plain dry rag, or whatever, and let them pretend to help you. For the 6 year old, if you make it fun enough, and talk up how much she is your big helper, she will be glad to help you.

For laundry, your bigger can help fold and sort, your 2 can help match sock colors and pick out towels to fold, and the baby can play in a pile of clean towels right there beside you. Make an assembly line and give them all something to do.

For kid friendly cleaning, keep time frames short because they have little attn spans. You also want to make sure you clean as much as possible with kid friendly products. Keep the phone OFF and stay with them.

When I was a nanny, the kids followed me around all day but we took turns between "have-to's" and "want-to's". So we would spend time together watching TV, and then we start dinner.Then we would do a game, then we would do baths. Making obligations fun and short got them to cooperate. Plus I kept my promises to do THEIR things with them, as reward for letting me do my thing. Out of the house, we would sprinkle "fun stops" every few stores, or they got to browse the candy or toy aisle for a few minutes if they behaved well while I needed to shop.

You can also plop your kids down with you for table time. With the baby in a high chair munching cheerios, the other kids can color while you figure bills.

You can include your children for exercise time. Try watching a wiggle tape with your kids and see what kind of adult friendly exercise routine you can come up with to their songs...seeing you get up and exercise will encourage them to do something active too. Or just dance around. You can use the baby for weightlifting by laying on your back and playing with him in the air.
Another very kid friendly (often) thing is MUSIC. I used to get sick of kiddie music all the time but some of it is awesome, and some of MY fav music for grownups is really fun for kids. I made a mix of grownup songs that were appropriate for children to play in the van. Anything you like is probably fine for kids, just watch the language and topics. Chances are ballads make good lullabies, and upbeat songs are universally good for kids. Some of my fav songs for kids:

Old Time Rock and Roll
We're an American Band
Takin Care of Business
Hard to Handle
Everybody Loves to ChaChaCha
ANYTHING from C+C Music Factory
Some Madonna...Holiday, Music (hey mr DJ put a record on I want to dance with my baby)
Anything by Van Morrison...try Bright Side of the Road.
Kids love 80's music, even pop metal by folks like Van Halen (JUMP) etc. Safety Dance, Wang Chung.
Crosby Stills and Nash is really good music, kids like it. Teach your Children Well.

This would be a welcome relief for you listening to Disney all day.

All this to say...you don't have to put yourself on your kids level all the day long. You can bring them into your world in a lot of ways.

Teaching basic manners and respect for boundaries will help a lot too. Making sure they know how to act when you are on the phone, or when the doorbell rings. Give them plenty of attn other times so when you need to excuse yourself from them, they won't crave your attn and act crazy to get it.

Related...make up a safe zone by getting about 9 of those foam pieces that fit together on the floor...NOTHING dangerous ever goes in that area and it contains a few fun items for any age to play with. The idea is that it is kind of like a timeout but not a punishment and not due to anything they did. You won't need to blockade the area if you make it fun to stay there, and teach your kids to respect that if you send them to the safe area, you need them to stay there and play safely and quietly with your 6 in charge and stay there, until you can get back to them. This will help for very short term amounts of time where you can't be right there with them.. If you have to deal with the phone, or if you are dealing with a hot pan in the kitchen, or if you are in the bathroom, etc, or if you just want a minute of your own. Use it frequently enough that they are familiar with the way it works, but not so often that they hate being there. Keep the area fresh by rotating out the items there to play with, maybe this is where new toys start their life with your kids.

And use your manners with them. Respect their level of attn span. Respect their need for fun, help them learn. Include them in the day's plan, let them make some decisions.

I would also say that you can make your 6 feel very very important indeed by putting her in charge of helping you with the tinies. Even baby toys are cool for her, if she is helping take care of the babies.