I started dating my fiancé in 2003, but we wont be getting married till 2009. We are going through one of the long distance parts of the relationship and it's rough. I currently have no way of contacting him and his controlling condescending parents are once again taking a toll on my sanity and question if the relationship is worth it. When I try to recall why I love him I get frustrated with memories of his family interfering. But when I'm not focusing on it, happy memories slowly drift into my mind. I don't want to give up on him because deep down I still love him, so how do I bring up the memories in my time of need and not be frustrated that I feel like he is married to his family and merely having an affair with me?
2007-03-06 03:41:43 · 8 answers · asked by Jessica T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The nice calming memories are concrete, they are not imaginative. Back when he lived in a place of his own, and I could visit any time I wished is the happiest year I've had. He is military now and even when he is stateside we have no place of our own. No place for us to chill, no place to be us. My dorm and his barracks have rules and hours that rival each other. So when he comes to visit me he has to stay at his parents house because we woule rather save that motel/hotel money for house of our own when we get married.
2007-03-06 04:04:14 · update #1
I'm in college and my parents will continue paying for me tuition (one of the highest in the nation) as long was i put off getting married. He is in Iraq and during the first half of his year tour he had phone/e-mail/snail mail communitcation. But he has seen been moved to an unknown location where he can occasional get letters in but rarely get anything out.
2007-03-06 04:08:50 · update #2
6 wasted years??? No way! Move on. If it's meant to be , it will happen. If not, why waste 2 more years?
2007-03-06 03:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, family aside - a long-distace arrangement is not good for any relationship. I'm not sure what your situation is - why are you not together? How long is the long-distance thing going to last? Why are you waiting so long to get married? The best way to solve this is to try and work out a way to actually be together. Other than that - perhaps something as simple as getting more of a life of your own and keeping busy might help you get through your separation. It's always better to be keep your mind and body occupied; when you're idle, you're a prime target to negative thoughts. Another thing to consider is starting a journal (if you aren't already keeping one). I found it an excellent way to sort out my feelings, to get more insight into my situation, and, if all else fails, to simply vent.
Apart from this - are you sure that the negatives in this relationship do not outweigh the positives? Maybe the reason why it is so difficult to focus on the positives is because the negatives are just too much? Don't discount this possibility. Sometimes we're so focused on making things "work", we fail to see that this isn't the kind of relationship we really want to be with - until it's too late, and we've invested years in an unhappy relationship.
2007-03-06 12:03:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jessica,
I'm not understanding why you can't communicate with him via the computer or by mail. Sounds to me like, he is putting distance between the two of you because he doesn't want a relationship. If he really wanted a relationship, then he should tell his parents to work with you. It all sounds so one sided to me. Are you sure that he loves you? Are you stalking him? My in-laws love me and I can talk to them any time I want. I just think that if he Loved you he could figure out a way to communicate with you. Sorry, sometimes the truth hurts. If he really loves you and his parents don't approve, then I would never speak to them again for trying to drive a wedge between the two of you.
2007-03-06 12:00:40 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to focus on the negativity, just the practicality. Two more years to go and then his family burden becomes full time. . I am into investments, so far unfortunately, the burden outweighs the benefits (which you have said nothing concrete, just imagination). A total of 6 years will be invested with nothing promising in return
2007-03-06 11:49:13 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all CHOOSE our thoughts, contrary to popular belief. You have to CHOOSE to focus on the good things.
Also, no matter how much you love him, if he is not willing to stand up to his family before you get married, it won't happen AFTER you get married. "A man shall LEAVE his mother, and a woman LEAVE her home, and they shall CLEAVE unto each other and become one." He will NOT be his mommy's little boy - he will be YOUR husband, and unless he is willing to accept your marriage as his FIRST responsibility, DON'T MARRY HIM. From the sounds of it, he needs to start taking a stand NOW.
2007-03-06 11:58:59 · answer #5 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a new guy to have on the side for the time being, guys do it all the time. You think he ain't got a sweetie? Surely, you're not that naive.
2007-03-06 11:46:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you think his family is intrusive now, wait until your married. It's all down hill from there.
2007-03-06 11:53:36 · answer #7 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would busy myself planning a life with him FAR FAR away from his family!!!!
2007-03-06 11:52:02 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋