What're good ways to ask people if they'd like your kid(s) if you die?

Question

We have a first child on the way, and are chatting about wills and the like.

There's family -- and friends -- we'd trust with our kid if we both perished in a fiery wreck, etc -- but none are really in _ideal_ situations to adopt. One generation is just finishing with child-rearing; the next is too young to've started. It's a big commitment to ask of somebody, flattering and unlikely as it may be.

Any ideas for ways to phrase "Hey, would you like to play parent if I perish? You can, like, totally say no, though. I won't be offended?"

My family doesn't normally have godparents per se; we have "people in wills who will assume guardianship if one's parents die." Heathens, all of us...

The _emotional_ relationship is the same; the religious one, rather non-existent.

To each their own...

Answer 1

You know, as difficult as it is to even thing of such a thing, it is something all of us parents think about at one point in time. And since, every parent has thought of it -- it won't really sound off kilt if you are asking someone who has kids.

We asked my brother and his wife. We basically asked them over a casual dinner one evening. As we started chatting I told him that my husband and I were thinking of our wills and the like and want you to know that if something happens to us that you are top on our list to take care of the kids. We trust him. We know he takes good care of his children. They are financially stable. .......and do you know what my brother said??? "Well, duh! Of course I would take care of the kids, and I'm flattered that you would even consider me, expected but flattered!"

So my point is, people know it's coming. If you're thoughts are on someone who you aren't sure what they'd respond, then you ASK them. Ask them if it would be okay to put their names as guardians in your will or if they'd rather pass. And be sure to let them know it's okay to pass!!! If they do decide to pass then you just let them know you'd really still like them to play a positive role in their lives. I'm certain they wouldn't deny you that.

Good luck with all of this. It's a hard thing to even have to consider but a VERY important decision to have settled before something happens. Get those i's dotted and those t's crossed! Our babies welfare is the important thing to us parents, whether we're here on earth with them or up in heaven watching over.



(I just read some of the responses and wanted you to know IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THE GODPARENTS. As a pretty religious person, I understand that the godparents are there to show your children the way of the church! Not to have to take care of them if something were to happen to you.)

Answer 2

We've been discussing this too. It's hard to find someone, because neither of our siblings are mature enough or financially in a situation where they could do it, and our parents are older and done with babies.

When you do decide on someone, just be straight with them. Tell them that you know it is unlikely, but you want to be prepared so that your child will be taken care of if something were to happen to you. Let them know the reasons you are asking them, and tell them that you understand it is a big responsibility and would like for them to take as long as they need to consider it. Most people will be flattered, and if the person says no, you wouldn't want them raising your child anyway!

Good luck with all of that. You reminded me that we really need to get the same thing dealt with soon, too.

Answer 3

Would you like to be the godfather? godmother? That's how my cousin asked me and I said sure. But she had to throw a baptism for that to happen. If you are not religious then just sit down and have a talk with them. If they are people you would trust to take your kids in the event that you die then there should be no problem having an open conversation.

Just say something like,
"I've been doing a lot of thinking about life and death and all that. And I know that there are no guarantees in life. Now that I am a parent I have responsibilities to my kids. And if I were to pass away, I just want to make sure my kids will be okay and that they will have someone to take care of them. I really trust you and I know that this is a big thing to ask, but do you think that you would be interested in being the guardian if I were to pass away? Please don't answer now, really think about it. Maybe I don't die but if I do it would mean my kids would be going to be living with you. So please just think about it and let me know. I just don't want them going to a foster home or being split up and would just feel better knowing that they will be taken care of. I think it is important to prepare just in case."

I would say something like that. :)

Answer 4

Ask if they'd like to be your child's god parents. If they ask exactly what you mean (some people think it's just a fancy term, but most religions view it as the people who will care for your child(ren) in case of your death), tell them exactly what you mean by it. And I'd try my hardest to have the child go with family. Even though the older generation is old, you can have them take on the responsibility till the younger generation gets old enough for you to give the kids to them.
What we did was name my parents executor of our will. This means that my parents will decide who gets the kids. So I know we have someone responsible and people who will genuinely care where the kids go. Because we want my sister to have them, but she might not be able too at the time of death, so instead of the kids going someplace unfit, my parents will decide where.

Answer 5

My oldest sister asked me to be the legal guardian to her 3 children, and while I'm only 23, I was incredibly happy about it. She simply came over and asked, "Would you like to be their legal guardians?" I said yes before she even proceeded to tell me the details, like how much money she's set aside for her children and whatnot. I say that you should just ask them outright and to have also do it in a professional manner, meaning that you should have answers to all the questions they'll be asking. My biggest worry would be how I would raise 3 children financially, but my sister made it incredibly clear and saying no didn't even enter my head! Good luck!

Answer 6

I would start into the topic similar to how you did here. With your first child on the way it has gotten you thinking about wills and you wanted to talk with them about their feelings. Ask them how they would feel if they were asked without actually asking them yet. If they have children maybe ask them if they made plans and with whom. See how they react and then proceed if it feels like they are open to the idea. Good Luck!

Answer 7

My mom and I had this conversation. She said she would find someone to take them but that she couldn't handle all (4) of my kids. So I was telling my sisters about what my mom said and they both volunteered to take them all. So.. that settled that. When speaking with my mom I said "hey, hubby and I were talking and we wanted to know how you would feel about taking our 4 kids if we died". She said "I would find someone else to take them where I could still see them." Be honest and open. Then whoever you are talking to will feel like they can be too! Good luck

Answer 8

I put it this way,

"I have something I want to ask you and Phil, and it's big, so I want you to think about it for a few days before you even answer. If something were to happen to Ben and I, we really think you'd be great for raising Katie. We just want you to think about it, and we want it to work for EVERYONE involved. So, if you really don't think you could, that's fine, and we appreciate your honesty."

Just like that.

Answer 9

Well ususally it would be the god-parents. Whom ever you chose to be god-parents would take care of your children if you and hubby were gone. So jsut ask would you like to be God-parents, and if they answer too quickly then you must let them know waht it entails. and give them a few days to think it over.

Answer 10

they are called godparnets ask if they want to be your children godparents then explain to them what a godparents is if they dotn already know, both my children have godparents my youngest daughter godparents are my husbands sister and her husband, and then my 3 yr god parents are my sister and my husband brother.