I have been trying to make up for my mistake...being a good wife, and mother but he would not give me a chance and he wouldn't want to let go. Sometime,he would pull my hair, slap me when he's angry ( not infront of the children). However, my son heard a slap one time and came to the room...he started crying and asked if Daddy hit Mommy, i told him no, i fell and hit my face...What should i do? Should i ask for a divorce? It hurts me just to think of splitting this family up. Our children love both of us...it would be so painful to tell them...If i could turn back time...but i couldnt, no body could... we both made mistakes, why doesnt he want to start over? I am so helpless, i have no one to turn to because he doesnt want anyone to know our problem. What should i do?
2007-03-06 02:39:44 · 25 answers · asked by Annie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This happened to me with my ex... it will never get better. Soon he will be doing it in front of the kids, then TO the kids, and it will never stop until you get out of there. I stayed TOO long because of the kids and never told anyone about it. By the time I left him and took the kids, everyone thought he was this perfect person because I did not want anyone to know how horrible my life was. I was ashamed of my marriage so I tried to make it look normal. That was when he started telling everyone lies about me and tried to get my kids taken from me. Even my own grandmother told me "oh, he would never hurt anybody." I never pressed charges on him although I did manage to call the police a couple of times (because of my mother, the only one who believed me). Two years later he remarried and 6 months after that he almost killed his new wife (held a knife to her throat for 2 hours and beat her up bad.)
It will never stop. People like that do not change, they only get a sense of power and control because you love your children. You are not doing your children any favors by staying with this man. If I would have pressed charges on my ex, he would be in prison right now. Because I didn't, he only got 6 months probation for what he did to his new wife. You need to talk to someone and let them know what is going on. You can't do this alone.
2007-03-06 04:43:41 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get out. Go to family or womens shelter. File for divorce and restraining order. What mistake warrants being hit by the man that you love. Sorry that is not love that is abuse, plain and simple. there is a lot of help....church groups are good, Take the children and run....and best of luck.
PS once you leave he will apologize make promises it will never happen again, and for a bit if you go back it will be wonderful, then it will take you into a living h#ll. Better to leave on your own 2 feet than in a body bag my dear those kids need a mother.
2007-03-06 02:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You simply cannot stay with this guy. If you're only staying because of the kids then please listen...the best thing you can do for your kids right now is immediately take them out of that violent environment. You say that he never hits you in front of the kids...if you think that they don't know already and are living in fear then you are sadly wrong. Children are smart, and very observant. Unfortunately, it sounds like there may already be some psychological harm done to the children but the sooner you remove them from that environment...the sooner they can start to heal. Maybe seek out an intervention order in the meantime while you get yourself together...but you have to be strong...for ur children. I send you this advice from experience, as i have been in the same situation.
2007-03-06 02:51:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't say what your mistake is. What was he like before the "mistake"? You need help if you want this relationship to work. Certainly, slapping you andhitting you is unacceptable. I'd lay charges. Don't bother lying.
Toughif he doesn't want people to know of your problem. He is unable to deal with it properly and when it comes to violence, you need help. Sit him down and tell him that next time he hits you, you WILL call the police, tell the neighbours, tell his mother, everyone.
It takes two people to make a marriage. We all make mistakes and sometimes, we need to be forgiven. If he can't forgive, then it is best to move on. Which is a pity, because I think with help, you would be able to save your marriage.
2007-03-06 02:55:06 · answer #4 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all "he won't let you" is just not a viable factor in this whole problem. You are a grown woman with children, the only time "he won't let me" count is when you are a child and your father will not let you do something.
Grow up and get away from this abuse, before he turns his anger and immaturity on the children.
Do not for one second believe that your children do not know what is going on, of course they do and in their minds, it is their fault. When your son came into the room asking if "Daddy hit Mommy?" where do you think he was coming up with that conclusion?????
Get out now, before it gets worse. These are the types of cases where you can end up getting your children taken away from you because you did not protect them from their abusive father.
Best of luck to you and your children.
2007-03-06 02:58:22 · answer #5 · answered by Sue F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Annie, if he is hitting you then you need to get out of there quick as possible. You may love your man but you should not have to take abuse like that. No matter what you did. If you made a mistake and he isn't able to forgive you then nothing you do will make it up to him. Get out before he hurts you. Now you are not splitting up the family. He is by laying his hands on you.
2007-03-06 03:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids know more than you think so hiding it from them is a non issue. I assume you did something pretty bad to hurt your husband and that he can't get past it. He must immediately make a decision as to moving on with both starting fresh or to end it. You must insist that the physical retaliation stop immediately. If both of you can forgive and as much as possible forget the past then you may still have a chance of maintaining the relationship. There is no excuse for physical violence in a relationship. Cheating of course is at least as bad as the pain goes much deeper. What's done is done and can't be changed, start fresh or end it! (both of you)
2007-03-06 02:55:12 · answer #7 · answered by dano 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not a family when abuse is being commited.
Kick his butt out, and file for divorce. Not only you, but your children will have a better life.
Dad will still get visitation, so sometimes it's exciting for the kids to know they get to go to dads on weekends or vacation.
Life will be better for all.
IF you don't think he will leave, pack the kids up and get yourselves to a Domestic Violance shelter. From there you can get help with houseing, assistance and a chance to start fresh.
2007-03-06 02:47:55 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a very, very similar situation like yours. Like you, i don't know where to go from here, especially whenever i thought of what would happen to my children. But one thing i am sure, I CANT TAKE IT ANY LONGER! I am thinking about the D-word and ways to talk to the children about the whole situation so it would minimize the damage to them. They are my life, my priority, i will do everything i could to prevent them from harm. I know it's always easier to be said then done, but my advice is to talk to him, give him the very last chance,if it doesn't work out... get a divorce because no body should be treated this way, no matter what crime they committed!!! Good Luck to both of us.
2007-03-06 02:58:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's hitting you and that's not a good thing. Pack the kids up and leave, even if it's just for a short time. Make him see what it's like without his wife and children.
Whatever it is you did, you are clearly remorseful for it and yet, he continues to punish you for it.
Don't let this man break your spirits. By the way, children are not stupid, they will find out sooner or later what is going on, even if they don't see it.
Hopefully you have family members you can go stay with for a little while until you sort yourself out....you are in a bad situation, get out before it gets worse.
2007-03-06 02:47:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋