we've been together 20 yrs married 8 2 kids together.He has never done anything special for me no gifts ever. hes got me 2 things in all 20 yrs. Is this normal?
2007-03-06 02:31:35 · 34 answers · asked by sandygrl37 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would have asked that question a long time ago.
Not normal to me. & definately not very considerate.
& to those other rude men who answered your question with insults....... it's not the material items that matter, it's the thought & consideration. It's a wonderful thing to take time to show someone that you think they are special. Everyone deserves that.
Being a mother myself, I can understand how hard it is to raise children & maintain a household. When my husband shows his appreciation for my hard work it makes me feel like my effort is not un-noticed, & I can tell he loves & cares about me & my feelings. Otherwise it would not be much of a marriage, but only a co-existance.
Now, what is the point of being married if you don't feel loved & appreciated?
2007-03-06 02:36:07 · answer #1 · answered by mrauscher74 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is not the romantic type. It doesn't make it any easier to take. Do you do romantic things for him? Can you count those on one hand also? Its a two way street. Have you ever told him that you like a little romance? What did he say? Listen with an open mind and you may hear the answer. Does he do other things like hold your hand when walking, cuddle you when sitting watching a movie. Give you unexpected hugs and tell you that your beautiful? Not every gift is in monetary form. If he acts like your not alive that may be a problem. Sit down and talk to him. That's the only way to solve the problem. Maybe the two kids are taking up all your time together. Get a babysitter and go away for a weekend or at least a few hours to enjoy being together. Just remember communication is the key. If he doesn't know its broke he can't fix it. Good Luck
2007-03-06 03:31:20 · answer #2 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the twenty years you have had to give him a message that this was ok for you. You have had tostart early in the relationship
being the giver and he has settled into being the taker. Once those roles are established they are very and i mean very hard to change. I feel that you must love him very much and you settled into this because the love you have for him. But now after time has passed you feel like YOU deserve some special things. Special attention. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS. They are usually looking for something they need and are not receiving in their marriages. I am not telling you to have an affair. I would not do that. I would talk to him and tell him you are feeling different, that you feel you are special and deserve things.DO not come on like a brat just open and honest. If he does not try to change try counseling and if after that if you do not feel special then you need to talk to yourself and really decide if you are happy or not. YOu will either stay and continue in the relationship as it is or you will move on to where you are treated like you want and need to be.
2007-03-06 02:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by stayin alive 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to be honest every person shows their love and appreciation differently. Does he buy gifts for family or friends often? My husband has never gotten me anything that I would jump through hoops for, our first Christmas in our first place together...he got me a fish tank ornament. LOL! But I know that he buys things spontaneously and does not mean anything by it. Have you tried asking him why he has never surprised you with a gift from the heart? Does he show compassion and love for you in other ways everyday? I will tell you something else that is funny, my father in law bought his wife a scooter...now she does not even look like a person that would ride a bike let a lone a scooter. But he bought it and said it was a gift for her....but he is the one that rides it all the time (well not to work or anything, they have a camp and a boat so he drives it around the grounds). As I said every person shows things differently, but knowing that this is bugging you...you should ask him why. Good Luck!
2007-03-06 02:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by Ladybug 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Normal? Maybe not. A reflection that he doesn’t care about you? Not necessarily.
I’ve been married 17 years. My hubby doesn’t shower me with gifts (although he’s done better than 2 gifts during the course of the marriage), but I don’t expect him to. I don’t care about gifts. I care that he’s a loving husband and a good father. That’s all that matters to me.
If it bothers you, then have you tried *talking* to him about it?
2007-03-06 02:39:39 · answer #5 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not a "Man thing", but it is probably just the way he was raised. Try talking to him and letting him know that you would appreciate it if he were to do something for you / take you someplace special once in awhile, even if there's no special reason. Men are NOT mind-readers sweetie - sometimes they need a gentle push in the right direction!
2007-03-06 02:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say what is normal. Besides gift giving, you need to consider how he is treating you and the kids. Is he a good father or husband in other ways?
2007-03-06 02:36:32 · answer #7 · answered by Kimora Miranda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is not normal, unless you have not given him anything either?
I read some of the other posts, i honestly have to say that with men saying "I love you" to their women is their way (usually) of showing they care. Women want actions, moreso than words... some men just do not know that. Maybe you should tell him, or get him something to show him.
2007-03-06 02:39:50 · answer #8 · answered by Vita 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, he should give you gifts occasionally, and compliments or something if it's ''proper''. I mean, he just HAS to give you a birthday present or something nice for Christmas. I know that materialism is not the most important thing in the world, but you can make people with it from time to time.
Try to convince him so he eventually gives something to you.
Good luck.
2007-03-06 02:36:00 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ Chelsea Blue ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not normal at all. He must be very insensitive. Anyone who makes above the poverty level should be able to afford to appreciate their mate by gifts occasionally.
2007-03-06 03:00:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋