i want to move in, but i`ve not met her children.?

Question

i am deeply in love with my partner i`m 48 shes 46, she is madly in love with me, she is waiting for her divorce to come through, we have known each other for 2 years as friends and started courting last xmas,we want to move in together,we want to get married eventually. however i`ve not met her kids aged 11+14 and her ex does`nt know about me, should i move in or stay put, i live on my own and its awful without her.

Answer 1

Don't be so selfish and think of her children first. Do you seriously expect them to be ok with their mother moving a man in that they've never even met?!

Answer 2

I so glad that you have both found happiness with each other, but don't rush in just yet! Get to know the kids in their own right, spend some time with them before you move in. From my own experience, kids can make or break a relationship no matter how much in love you think you are. Getting your Children Through Divorce by Anne Hooper is a very good book and helps you to see the situation from their point of view as well as yours. Just remember that if problems do arise, Mum will have no choice but defend her children, even if they are in the wrong, and that's when resentment and anger will start to appear. It'll be worth waiting for a while so that you can all be happy together for a lifetime. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I know you're frustrated, but you've got to know that moving in now is NOT a good idea. It couldn't enhance your partner's position in her divorce proceedings. She may need some time after the divorce to rethink of herself as a single woman and mom. And her teenage children would certainly not be welcoming to a strange man coming into their lives and their mother's bed.

Slow down. Get the divorce behind you all. Give your partner a chance to get her own self image in a good place. Give her and her kids a chance to reestablish their own relationships in this new environment.

Then, and only then, you can start coming into the picture. Get to know the kids and give them a chance to know you. Give them reasons to like you. Court them, too. Give the kids a chance to see that you make their mother happy.

It won't be easy and it won't be fast. But you're going to have to make the sacrifice if you are really committed to a good and long lasting relationship with this entire family.

Answer 4

Can't believe you have been seeing this lady for a year. You would think if she's in love with you like she says she is, why haven't you met her children. This seems a little out of the ordinary not meeting them yet. Something isn't right here! If I were you I would speak with her about the children. You need to build a rap-our with them before thinking of moving in. You will want to see if the kids like you and they are willing to share you with their mom. Children can hold a lot of resentment towards the new person in a relationship. You need to feel excepted by them first. Your lady needs to step up too the plate and deal with this issue before anything else. Good Luck! Cocoa

Answer 5

It can be very difficult when children and ex partners are concerned, more so with the children. Explain gently to her that you would like to meet the children, maybe somewhere neutral, you could arrange a fun day out for them, somewhere where there is no pressure to be formal or anything, then gradually filter into their lives by offering to do little things for them like helping with homework, so they are clear that they don't see you as a threat. However be careful that you don't become too over the top with all the friendliness!! Good luck with it, and remember he is an ex partner for a reason!!

Answer 6

can i suggest you start to get knowing her kids?? You cant just land yourself on the doorstep - bags n all!!! Why dont you organise fun nights that the four of you can do together - bowling - the cinema that kind of that - kids that age love all that kinda stuff - make yourself be a friend to them - these things take time though - dont force the situation of you'll end up being hated by these kids. Having a new guy on the scene with their mum will be difficult enough - just have some consideration for them.
xx

Answer 7

Please do not move in yet. Get to know the children first, especially those ages you mentioned. It may be that they are really nice kids and would accept you but until you form a relationship with them you do not know what you are getting into. Also, in all fairness, your partner should have introduced you to her kids before inviting you to share their space.

I do not want to put a damper on your love but you would be surprised to know how quickly love can disappear when kids' problems arise. It would make more sense to ensure that this is really what you want. Remember you have only known your partner for two years.

Answer 8

I don't understand how you two could be courting since Christmas and have not met her children. Are they living with the father? Wait until the divorce is final. Spend some time with the kids. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. Take your time. You should not shove this relationship down their throats. They won't like it.

Answer 9

I don't think it's a good idea unless you met her kids. The kids play a big part of your life as well as her. Get to know the kids first see if you like them and see if you get along before moving to the next step. I know you love her but sometime it pay to be patient.

Answer 10

You need to put the children first no matter what. "It's awful without her" is kind of silly. You are a grown-up and you need to act like it. You should not be moving in for a long time. How could you have possible been friends with this woman for such a long time without knowing her children?

Answer 11

looks like everyone is telling you the same thing- YOU SHOULD WAIT!!
at 46 and 48 your both grown up. I know you must think its a wonderful thing to have found what you believe is true love and for that reason you must treat this relationship and all that goes with it (your children) with the utmost care and respect.