How to finally break free from a a phyisical and emotional abuser?

Question

Been with him for 6 yrs, h ave a 18mon old son. Over the course of years hes changed a lot, from emotional abusing me, always calling me names, putting me down, belittling me, critisizing the way i clean, always making me feel its never good enough to pushing me, throwing things at me, breaking my belongings, kicking me outta the house with no shoes, and lastly, hitting me in the face like 6times and kicking my ribs had to have him arrested and go to emerg for check up , was there 6 hrs. I was dead set it was over, then course he starts with the remorse and so begins the cycle of violence, with the honeymoon phase. I see myself down the road finally done with him but its so hard to get there, i know it seems crazy that i dont finally end it once and for all i cant seem to fully do it, i need advice, maybe i need a brick to fall on my head, lol, i dunno. Scared, uncertain, and desperately wanting a change....

Answer 1

So what happens to your son when this idiot finally kills you??????? Does he become the next victum????? You need to get a back bone for him and just leave! There are lots of places for abused woman to go with their children. Do it NOW!!! I'll pray for you and your little boy.....

Answer 2

When one has been in an abusive relationship, such as you, it's very difficult to leave because of the lack of self worth, self confidence, & self esteem. The loss of these is a direct result of what your husband has inflicted upon you. You know your husband is a sick man right? He'll never change unless he really wants to & the chances of that happening after six years of marriage are highly unlikely. First, you need to find a safe place for your son & you to go, even if it's only temporarily. Don't let your husband know of your plans to leave. When he's at work, you should pack up enough clothing, etc. to last you for a while, then move out. You have to be strong for your son as well as for yourself. Taking the first step is the hardest but it's the right thing to do. Hopefully, you have family & friends who can help you move out & give you shelter. Next, you need to see a lawyer & tell him/her what you have had to endure these past six years. Your lawyer also may advise you to get a restraining order against him also, for your protection. You can do it, just have faith & be strong.

Answer 3

From reading your question, I can tell a lot of people who were looking out for your best interest have tried unsuccessfully to get you to leave this abusive relationship. I have always been confused and amazed at why women like yourself stay and take the abuse over and over again. Complain, cry, call the police, and what happens? You go back to him, why, because you love him. Thinking about this, I cannot not help but feel you take it because your self esteem must be very low. A person who respects themselves would not remain in a situation such as yours. That is the bottom line, you do not think yourself worthy of respect. Your husband does not respect you and could care less about your well being and there is no real remorse. Funny, how these men claim excuses such as they lost control, they went crazy. But have you ever seen them lose control around women they respect such as his mom, his sisters, etc etc? :I bet not. Read that line over and over until the truth of it penetrates into your head. Leave this abusive relationship and get professional help. Love yourself enough to do this. Other wise stay and take it. Those are your two options. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

First of all, well done for getting on here and talking about it. Being the victim in an abusive relationship is not something people brag about. In fact, human nature being what it is, the victim in most cases goes out of their way to 'cover' for the abuser. ie. making excuses for bruises & suspicious marks they're carrying following an episode of violence.
Your self-esteem on the floor. You have a young baby, your body doesn't feel quite as young and sexy as it used to perhaps, you're also more vulnerable because you are now responsible for another life. Added to this is the constant put-downs you are listening to everyday. It's like brain-washing, when one person, especially one we are afraid of, is constantly telling us something over and over and over, eventually we start to believe it. An abuser can even make you feel that you are 'lucky' to have him/her - crazy but true!
Everyone knows that the best thing about arguing/fighting with a partner or spouse is the make-up sex. That is never more true than in an abusive relationship. More than just hurt pride, anger, jealousy, when you've been physically abused you are actually having your wounds kissed better. For someone who has been so violent to suddenly be so gentle, kind and sorry is incredible. Because you have been starved of this kind of love and affection for so long it feels amazing . You WANT to believe it because this is the person that your abuser USED to be and everytime this person appears there's hope.
There is no hope. There is only time and you need to use it very wisely. Once children are brought into an abusive relationship you, as the victim, are in an even more dangerous situation. And you, as his mother, have an obligation to do what is best for your child. NO CHILD on this earth has ever benefitted from seeing its Mother physically abused. Scenes such as the ones you describe above, stay with children for their entire lives. They have no choice and no means of escape. If you stay with this man you are knowingly ruining your son's life. You also need to consider that the ultimate pain is to witness your own child suffer. How are you going to live with yourself when your partner realises that and starts beating your beautiful baby boy just to hurt you. In the case of abused children, equally as guilty as the abuser is the parent that stood by and let it happen.
DON'T BE THAT PARENT - PLEASE

Answer 5

I know how you feel! I have been there and done that!

I was in that situation I did not know how bad it was until I remove myself completly from the relationship.

It is obvious that you know the cycle of abuse. The question now is what are you going to do about it? You know deep down inside it will not get better but it will get worse.

You need a plan. You need to find a safe place. If there are issues with him seeing his son you can do this through a State Agency such as Children Youth and Families. Seek agencies through your Domestic Voilence Center. They are a good resource. I attache a link for you to go to for resources.

You need to be strong for your son. Remember the more you son sees this, he too has a great chance of being an abuser himself. Look at how many children find there mothers killed by there fathers. Do you want your son to live with that?

Remember this is a family disease, everyone involved is sick.
I have no idea what state your in but there are laws to protect you and your son but you have to stick by you end and dont give in to his sickness.

Take a good look at your son and ask yourself what kind of a life do you want him to have? Look into the mirror and ask yourself what kind of life do you want to have? What would your life be like to not have the abuser in your live?

My ex husband abused me so bad I believed that I deserved everthing he was abusing me for. He raped me several times. I had no self esteem. I had no self. It was not untill I removed myself from him and move quite a distance that I was finaly healing. Dont get me wrong I still missed and loved him. But I had to keep the distanace and work on ME. It took time to heal and get my life back on track. I did not date for 5 years because I did not trust any man to treat me with dignity and respect. I kept on working at healing the wounds.

Today I can look back at that abuser and say I SURVIVED. I am alive. I am happy. I love myself. I forgive the abuser but he will never be alowed into my life again. I wish him well.

I am now married to a man that is wonderful. He treats me with dignity and respect. I feel safe and loved. You can have that too.

Be strong and give you and your son the life you both deserve. Get help and stick by you goal to move on.

Dont give up.

Regards,

Answer 6

First of all i would like to say im sorry for the situation that you are in... you need to be strong, show him that you arent scared... but what u really need to do is get away... if you dnt he will put his hands on you again and again... u need to believe in yourself belive that you can live without him.. be independent, dnt depend on a man to tell you what you are or arent.. ok! grow some balls and stand up to him and no matter what he does dnt make him feel he has you in the palm of his hands.... and if he hits you, hit him back... have you seen the movie Enough? check it out.... but the best advise i can give you is get away....
hope everything gets better

Answer 7

You can get a T R O and kick him out of the house. You can ask him to get counsling. You can when he is not in a bad mood ask him why he dose this to you and if he wants a divorce. First you have 2 want him gone, second Is he on drugs??? yes your right abut the cycle of violence until you break it.

Answer 8

Wow, I thought maybe I had an answer when I clicked. But, to tell the truth, I only got away from emotional abuser when I let his little brother think I was cheating.
The guy cheated on me (and therefore our son, really), and ended up leaving me.
Good trick, hunh?
But this sounds so much different.
Good luck.

Answer 9

i individually love existence, and existence, and so i like to earnings how issues artwork. In examining how we fall unwell, in how viruses function, they stick to the trend which you have here. In ailments, the 'abused will become the abuser'. the least bit puzzling analogy, as quickly as we 'get a chilly', we can very definitely unfold that chilly to numerous human beings. Viral ailments are so deadly, because of the fact they get into the physique, TAKE over one cellular, actually dismantle it, and then the cellular bursts and zillions of 'offspring' run to do this back, and back. it particularly is a ask your self all and sundry is alive on the instant. The abuser then has beheld abuse, and it differences the guy, in basic terms because of the fact the virus receives in, strips the cellular, and then burst forward with that is viral self. The abuser will become contaminated. To me, that is repentance. that's the superb verse on in basic terms the thank you to repent. For the abuser grew to become into area of what befell. i've got self assurance there are actually not any harmless human beings, none. somebody else might have dealt with issues in a diverse way. all of us decide to think of the little baby is harmless. If we had a video digicam, we could see they do no longer seem to be. we can under no circumstances heal in any respect till we renowned that we are actually not harmless victims. case in point, the guy who receives the virus has taken particularly it sluggish for his or her actual defenses to permit this to ensue. i could definitely factor the finger in my existence at people who brought about numerous issues. whether that is 'born in sin', and that i've got sin additionally, and it had to be shown to me, and continues to be being shown to me. So I destroy the cycle with the fact, that i grew to become into area of the difficulty. no longer something human beings will consider, and specific, numerous argument on that 'WHAT!!! a trifling infant, you assert??' definite, that's what I say. Born in sin. no one harmless is born in sin.

Answer 10

All i can tell you is let i was in the same boat you are in now, it won't get better it's only going to get worse i think you can see the patterns, i know it's hard to let go but please do it for your son he doesn't deserve to live like that and plus i know you don't like your son to see the abuse so please let him go before it'd to late god bless