Separating the Finances....?

Question

My husband and I got into a heated argument and during that argument he said that I didnt know how to manage money. But it was I who got our bills and credit in order when he was deployed and it is I who continues to keep things in order. He had one bill to pay and has forgotten it over the last 3 months.

So when he said this I immediately said well we will have seperate accounts and we will be responsible for certain bills. I have take my bills and bills with both of our names, to prevent late payments because he cant be trusted.

He says he doesnt think this will be a good idea, because then everything else will begin to be seperated. IF he didnt want this then he shouldnt have said what he did.

This is my final conclusion whether he likes it or not, any advice? Has anyone else tried this?

Answer 1

I would say not to do it! I did this myself and I am getting ready to file for divorce now. Separating finances is a bad deal! Use the finances as a way to strengthen your marriage. Most of the divorces today stem from money issues. If you are having money issue problems then there are other issues in the marriage.

Why can you not both sit down and do the finances together? Don't make it a him or you job. Work together and help strengthen your bond.

I don't want to sound like a marriage counselor or anything, just trying to share my experience and knowledge.

Answer 2

I concur w/ the gent who said this is setting yourselves up for a divorce. Financial problems are the NUMBER ONE casue of divorce in North America (probably a lot of other places, too). You should definitely see a marriage counselor IMMEDIATELY. If the counselor tells you it is okay to have separate accounts, you need a different counselor. Working together on the finances is FUNDAMENTAL to establishing trust & communication in your marriage. If y'all need help working on a budget, etc. together, I recommend Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" book. It will take a couple of months of crying & fighting to get it right, but once you do, it will revolutionize your finances & your marriage. DH & I have been following it for close to 3 years. We used to always be broke the day before payday. No matter how high his pay went, we spent every nickel & always paid at least 1 bill late. NOW, however, we have paid off tons of debt, haven't borrowed since before we even started Dave's plan, & we have $$$$ to pay for emergencies & big purchases (cars, dishwasher, etc). The best part is that our only money "argument" is where to go to dinner w/ the money left in the food envelope on payday! I know you guys can do it, too! I wish you all the best success in your marriage & your money. I know you guys have made a huge sacrifice to have been separated by his military duty. May God bless you for it as you build your life together!

Answer 3

What do you mean your bills and his bills? If you are married then LEGALLY his debt is your debt and his bills are your bills. And your assets are his assets and vice versa.

So separating things might make your month to month life easier, but you be making yourself (as a couple) financially weaker by not having mutual financial goals and working both your resourcs towards them. You need to each know what's going on with ALL the finances.

1. You should sit down together and come up with your goals (we want to retire at X age with X amount of money, for example). Sit down once with a counselor/financial planner to do this if you can't be civil and productive together.
2. You should also make sure that each of you gets a certain percentage of the income in your very own individual account each month to do with whatever you want--save, spend, whatever. Even if only one of you works, each person should have some autonomy with some money each month.
2. Then together you can devise a plan to put your intentions into action (we'll save 5% of both our incomes in retirement accounts each month). Set up the accounts, put it in writing, etc.
3. Then since you both agree on the goals, you make the investments automatic, so each of your paychecks (or just one if only one of you works) is alloted according to your plan.

It's OK for one person to handle all the bill-paying though, if he/she is better at it or more organized. Once you have a plan there is nothing to argue about. Read "Smart Couples Finish Rich" by David Bach for more detail.

Answer 4

well, i think it's a good way to prove your point. when his credit rating starts going down hill, he'll realize you were right. however, i don't think it's a good way to maintain a healthy marriage. i guess it just depends on what is more important to you; being right or being married.

Answer 5

I dunno about the seperate things, money changes things between people so you might wanna becareful.