My friend is trying to help, but I'm sure she is.?

Question

My friend is trying to help me and my husband work out our problems. I didnt ask her to, I just vented to her as we women do to our friends all the time. Now she took it upon herself to "talk some sense" into my husband. She beleives that a women should be submissive, so I'm trying that, which my husband is taking full advantage of, and now he has my friend to refer to and use as emo against me. I think she is starting to get into stuff she is not equipped to handle and she it is taking a toll on our friendship. In fact at this point I am quite angry with my husband and my friend. What do I do? How do I save my friendship and tell her to bug out without causeing further problems or hurt feelings?

I don't think she is trying to steal my husband, since she is happily married. But I do think her ideas are completely different than mine.

Answer 1

If she is a TRUE friend, you will be able to explain to her that you just needed to vent, and tactfully tell her to butt out of your business & let you & your husband seek a QUALIFIED marital counselor.

EPHESIANS 5 - A husband & wife are to submit to one another. A woman is to submit to her husband in a GODLY way - not an abusive way! A husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. EACH should have a servant's heart toward the other; which basically means waking up with an attitude of "what can I do to bless my spouse today?"

Answer 2

Monika, this is a tough situation. It might come down to you losing a friend to save your marriage. What is the matter with your husband?!? Nobody should be subservient to anyone, ever... and if you feel this way, you should NOT let your husband treat you in that manner one more second! It makes for an uneven balance of power... what's going to happen when he wants to make a crucial decision, and overrides you just because he feels he can?!? That's no way to have a marriage... it should be a partnership, not a "strong/weak" relationship.
About your friend, she was totally wrong sticking her nose into your marriage and your business without asking. That's not what true friends do, even if their intentions are good. You need to let her know that her actions have put a strain on your friendship and your marriage... her advice (to you only, NOT your husband!) is okay, but no more interfering! Stick to your guns here, or you'll be fighting these battles for a long time. Good luck!

Answer 3

First of all a wife should not be submissive anymore. It is not the old days were us men come home from work and are pissed off if a hot meal is not on the table. Dont get me wrong some of those things are nice but men and women should do an equal part. So I would put a stop to that stuff 1st. 2nd your friend could truely just be trying to help you but her ideas and your ideas might be different. If she is truley your friend you should be able to talk to her openly about this. YOu should thank her for her help so far but your ideas are just different.

Good luck and let me know how you make out

Answer 4

You two don't need an interpreter. You are taking a big risk involving a trained counselor (because so many have so many problems themselves). You are inviting miscommunication by involving a "friend".

Step one: set boundaries by telling your "friend" that your marriage is a sacred bond between you and your husband, and you don't remember her swearing an oath at any ceremony, and since she hasn't respected that bond, you'd appreciate her staying out of your life (don't return her calls, don't talk to her anymore, find new friends).

Step two: re-establish intimacy and communication between you and your husband. Try doing things that the two of you don't ordinarily do to get out of the rut you are in. Try to re-introduce some of the simple joys and fun in your lives: go to the zoo, walks in the park, anything that gets you in touch with the simple joys of life. Create new good memories together.

Answer 5

You have to take charge of your life. Tell your friend that your relationship issues are something that you and your husband need to work out on your own. As for anyone being submissive, I strongly disagree. Marriage is a partnership and needs equal partners. If one person is submissive, they will be unhappy and that will lead to relationship problems in and of itself. Your friend will be a bit put out and probably upset when you tell her, but if you don't she will continue to cause problems, likely unintentionally. Hurt feelings may be unavoidable, but you need to do what is best for you and your relationship.

Answer 6

Hello Monika.
1. Doesn't your friend have a MARRIED SISTER??? doesn't she know some things are just NOT to be said in front of husbands?? pls tell her CLEARLY what her "help" is doing to you.
2. WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU BE SUBMISSIVE??????????????? can u answer that?
yes, u can try to wind him around your finger, that's different. make him dance to ur tunes.
aren't u qualified for a job? working ? plssss create an identity for urself, try selling stuff on ebay if nothing else.
pls feel free to email, i have 3 married sisters n can surely try to help.
CHEER UP AND BE BRAVE.

Answer 7

ok, overlook what it does on your lungs and your coronary heart. overlook the wellbeing hazards you place no longer in simple terms your self, yet actual everyone else you breath the foul fumes on...think of approximately it this way-- you're 13 , real? have you ever appeared at somebody who's 30 that has smoked provided that your age? ever notice ( until they have $$$$ and use it to combat the outcomes, yet nonetheless, they are there...) how dry and cracked their dermis gets? How YELLOW and gnarly their the teeth look? How pungent they are, as a results of fact permit me tell, i do no longer smoke and that i'm able to stroll previous each and every individual, i do no longer care HOW in many situations they bathe and how plenty fragrance or cologne they positioned on and that i'm able to permit you recognize for a actuality in the event that they seem to be a smoker or no longer. human beings who smoke STINK. no longer in simple terms a "Whew..." yet a" WHOA... holy cow, what died in right here?!?! " and it gets on your outfits, your place, your fixtures, your vehicle-- each and every little thing approximately you stinks to different persons. Its disgusting. take a glance at somebody on the same time as they are smoking. How can sticking a white persist which comprise your face, sucking on it, and puffing smoke out your nostril/mouth probable make you look 'cool' or attractive? i don't get it . in my view? i think of people who smoke look ridiculous. They walk alongside sucking on sticks and blowing exhaust out their faces. its so stupid looking. And if that hasn't confident you.... look on the $$$ component. I knew a woman as quickly as who spent plenty on cigarettes ( and drove a crummmmy vehicle that replaced into consistently breaking down, had a trashy abode , poor outfits, awful house...). She actually had the NERVE to get nutrition stamps and yet I did the maths at some point and confirmed her if she give up smoking ( her and her husband, + 2 teenager daughters that she replaced into killing additionally, ) they could purchase a completely LOADED LEXXUS each and every 5 years. It replaced into insane. i'm speaking FULLLLLY LOADED...... So, think of of the money you will save on tobacco and the place you could choose to apply that money... you should shuttle!!

Answer 8

Thank her for her concern and help but tell her you and your husband would rather handle it on your own. If she doesn't butt out then you do need to stop contact with her for the time being. Your marriage is more important. If she was a good friend she would understand.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Honesty is the best policy. I'd tell her that she is doing more harm than good and to please leave it alone. If she doesn't understand, tough tooties. If she's a friend, she'll be happy to let it go. The truth is though, maybe you just can't handle your assigned role in this world of being submissive to a man. In that case, you might as well leave him so he can find a woman that knows how to be a real woman.

Answer 10

Wow..why are you letting someone else help you fix your marriage??? It sounds to me that she is making it harder for you and your husband to work things out. My advice to you honey is to tell her to but out then get counseling with your husband and if you lose her friendship so be it. Looks like she isn't on your side anyway. I wish you the best of luck.