Is he wrong for calling my child bad and not wanting to commit because my child often misbehaves around him?

Question

My daughter always seems to act disrespectful around him; she is 5 and I have been a single mother her whole life so she is not used to seeing me be around a man. He says he cannot commit to a woman with a rude/ill mannered child. I told that I am currently working on my parenting skills and he doesn't know how we could be as a couple if he doesn't give us a try. Is he wrong? He feels this way but still takes me on dates weekly? Isn't that misleading?

Answer 1

No he isn't wrong. A 5 year old is an awful lot of baggage.

If he is still taking you on dates he is trying. You've had 5 years to get used to your child. Give him some time.

Answer 2

All children who have been either an only child or the only other person in your life act this way. They do not want to share you with anyone else thinking things will change for them.
Sit her down and talk to her about what is going on let her know that there wont be any changes in your mother/daughter relationship - tell her you love her and show lots of affection.
If the guy you are seeing is upset over this and does not want to commit then maybe you should think of leaving him and finding someone who will better understand the situation you are in. He does seem to like you though because he still takes you out - sit both of them down and have a long talk about it

Answer 3

He is being straight with you. He is dating YOU, not your daughter. He is simply making it clear that if it goes further, the 5 year old isn't going to be the one calling the shots.

Your child has to learn that you have a life outside of her, and that includes making choices that she may not like. Sorry, but a 5 year old is not in charge of making relationship decisions for you. It doesn't mean that you love your daughter any less or that she isn't a priority in your life. It just means that you have a healthy balance. You aren't choosing one over the other, you are simply incorporating both into your life.

You need to show your daughter that while she means the world to you, there are other people in the world besides her, and they have needs and feelings too. One of those people is you.

Since she is 5, she isn't old enough to realize on her own that there can be more than one person in someones life, and that others add to your life, not take away from it.

If your daughter learns that she can manipulate your life by misbehaving, then she will and by the time she is a teenager you will be the sorriest woman on earth. Believe me when I say you aren't doing her any favors if you let this escalate.

Make it clear to her that you have expectations concerning her behavior around others, and that this man isn't trying to take you away. Present him in a positive light.

As her attitude and actions change, watch his reaction. As she warms up to him, he will be willing to give it a try.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, I have seen parents that have rude / inconsiderate / spoiled / downright mean kids. I’m not saying that’s the case in your situation (although, frankly many of those parents would deny to the end that their kids aren’t angels).

If he doesn’t feel he can commit to you at this time because of issues with your child (be they valid or not), well…that’s just how it is, and he has every right to feel whatever way he feels about it.

As far as do I think he’s misleading you…no. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to commit. But apparently, he still wants to date you. And it seems that you’re allowing that--you’re choice.

It would be misleading if he were giving you the impression that he would commit…but that’s not the case. He’s being very up-front with you about the issue.

Answer 5

This is my experience, maybe it will give you food for thought.! I have 3 children, all adult now. I married a man when they were young. Apparantly like you, I was lacking in parenting skills. My children too were unruly and didn't show much respect. But, as life goes, most of the time, the kids grew up and became very stable and loving, seeking his approval in everything they did. There was none there. The step father never formed a bond with them due to what I call holding grudges against them, even though they were just children! It sounds like you have gotten the same kind of man. Your child will grow up, WILL HE? Don't go there for her sake!! She's confused and having to learn to share you. Remember, you were her mother before his girlfriend. I wish to God I had!

Answer 6

yes, He's wrong if he think that way, He should give both of you a change, because it's not rude/ill manner that 5 y.o always do the thing they do especially on the stranger with familiar faces, she just looking for your intention and scare of your love being change toward her. you should try this, 3 of you go take a walk, play at the park or just ask your bf to come watching TV, having coffee, or just chit chat while you sit next to your bf include her, show your compassion and love to her equally even though you with you bf, do this often so she know about him more, tell your bf be nice and talk more to both of them. you give your love she'll give her, even tough sometime in time she'll be jealous until she understand enough that you love both.

Answer 7

He is wrong. I am also a single parent of a five year old and find that my son acts in ways around my friends (not even boyfriends, mind you, just random friends) that is very off-putting sometimes. When he knows people, he's much better with them, but there is something about the dynamic of not knowing the adult that makes him act out. A man who was committed to you must be as committed to your child as he is to you, or you are jeopardizing your child's well-being. You need to let him go, and either be alone to protect your child, or find a man who will value children and all their ups and downs, including tolerating their occasional misbehavior. You need a partner who will struggle with you about how to teach your child good behavior, not one who will judge you for your parenting style. It's out there! Believe me. I got involved with a teacher who was used to working with children, and he's a great addition to our family, not a detriment. But this was after many tries (unbeknownst to my child) to date people who didn't understand kids.

Answer 8

Your child must come first last and always at the age of five.

I think this man is not the man you want around your young daughter as things could get real bad and hurt her emotionally..He has already told you his feeling about her.
Lady, this is a five year old child. Every child deserves loving parents..not some guy who has this attitude towards children.
He is at least honest. Respect him but don't let your child suffer.

Answer 9

Unfortunately, the decision is really all his. He may have another issue for which it is necessary to deflect or he may just feel like he couldn't handle the strain of your child. Perhaps a child psychologist may have some answers to this. It is hard to reason emotionally with a child so young. Good luck.

Answer 10

If this man really cares for you, then he will commit to you and your daughter. After all she is a part of you. If he can not accept her, he can not accept you. He must learn that 1. she has only been around you for 5 years and it takes time for her to adjust to him as he (if he was really committed) has to adjust to your daughter. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if he can not commit to your daughter he can not totally commit to you. You need someone who is willing to help, commit and love you both.