Question about disciplining a child?

Question

As most of you know, I have a 3 year old. We do time-outs most of the time, but sometimes she gets a swat to the butt and I'm not afraid to say it. My parents spanked me when I was a kid and I grew up fine. Dr. Spock says spanking was ineffective and cruel, and his son committed suicide with a drug overdose. You do the math.
People, especially those that don't have kids, are often very quick to judge a person's parenting based on how their kid behaves in public. My three year old is usually very well behaved, but as with any kid, we get the occassional temper tantrum. If I were to spank her in public, however, that would draw fire as well. It's not like I can take her somewhere at the store and put her in time out, and if I'm at the store I'm getting what I need. Forget leaving without it, that's exactly what she wants me to do, and we know you don't want her crying..

How do those of you that oppose spanking and oppose kids misbehaving in public suggest we deal with the problem?

For the record, there is a HUGE difference between a spanking and a beating.

Just thought I'd ask because some childless people seem to have all the answers when it comes to parenting....

Answer 1

I am just like you. There are times when a spanking is necessary. I got plenty growing up, and I am normal. Well, as normal as can be expected. I know of many like the Dr. Spock example you gave that never got a spanking. One in particular that just recently beat his Mom with a golf club because she would not let him use the car. Go figure!

Answer 2

I know EXACTLY what you mean....I was spanked and I'm doing pretty well. I do time-outs and I take things away and I ask my three-year-old to listen and be patient, and I listen to her and have patience with her. She gets plenty of warnings, but there are times when I will not hesitate to spank her.

There was an article on msnbc.com the other day actually that was talking about the fact that the "feel good" movement for kids has made them greedy and demanding and selfish more so than ever before. I'm only 26, but kids today.....wow. They sure get a whole lot of things that I never got...

Answer 3

I only use spanking as a last resort, and spank, not beat.....I just read this book called 1-2-3 Magic, an Effective way to Disipline ages 2-12....Actually in the book, he says to do a time out in the store, or take them to the car....don't be intimidated by what other people think of you, after a while, she will learn..Better said than done, but really.....try reading the book, I'm going to start the 'plan' on my granddaughter who is 5....

Answer 4

I have three children, all grown, THANK GOODNESS, and I didn't ever need to spank the first one, the second one wasn't phased by spanking. He dreaded time out. He couldn't stand sitting still quietly. The third one only needed spanking once when she ran in the street. I think spanking is really futile because it teaches children to solve problems with violence. I think the ONLY time a spanking could be effective is when you REALLY need to reinforce the danger and severity of an event, like when my daughter ran into the street. I had to show her that running in the street is so severe and dangerous that something very bad will happen if you do it.

Answer 5

YES there is a big difference! I'm with you.
However, the fact that the child acts differently in public is a common mistake that we parents let happen.
Let the child cry! Let her cry and don't give her anything for an hour or two after leaving the store.
Use the same removal of rewards you otherwise would. Even if it's delayed, the lack of reward (or punishment), it can be more effective than a smack in public.
I think that a smack in public is shaming, to tell you the truth. I remember when Iwas young. I remember how my own son responded. Just let her cry, and enforce your rules even after leaving.

Answer 6

I rememebr getting a smack on the bottom, I never have the urge to beat anyone now. I think that love from parents is a stronger influence and will outway the spanking. I don't have children, so you will have to take my comment with a grain of sand. Good luck. Don;t forget the hugs when they are deserved too :)

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with a swat to the patooty. If we allow infants to control the situation we will have chaos. Take heart in knowing you are doing the best for your children, there is discipline in this world the sooner they realize it the better off they will be. My oldest son has said that he did not mind that he got spankings in fact if he was me he would have locked him in his room for years. He is a father 5 times.

Answer 8

I'm on your side 100%. In the Uk some do-gooder somewhere said that it's wrong to smack your children, so parents did. now all of a sudden we have a tidal wave of kids who have no concept of right and wrong. As you said, it's not 'beating', it's a tap just to let them know they've crossed the line. Thankfully I hardly ever have to at Chez Tish, but when I do, it seems to have more impact than just trying to talk to them. And if that makes me a bad parent, then so be it.

Answer 9

I'm not who you were aiming for when you asked the question, because I'm not (completely) opposed to spanking... but this is how I deal with MY kids when they are misbehaving in the store.

My kids DO go to time-out in the store. I will set my daughter in the cart, tell her to keep her hands in her lap, and tell her she is not allowed to speak until her time-out is done. I have my son stand in one square (on a tile floor), hands to himself, no talking, until his time-out is over.

No, it doesn't always work, but it's better than nothin'!

Answer 10

As a parent, I do not like to see a child being disciplined in that manner in public...not only is it humiliating for the child, but it is uncomfortable (to say the least) for those watching...

I am not against spanking...but there is a time and place...

I would take your child to the bathroom for a timeout