help with my 14 year old son. he is a great kid, never gives me any trouble except with his gradesl?

Question

he is very capabe of making good grades, he has been bringing bad grades home with his progress reports, but at the last minute before his final grade come out, he works really hard and brings them all up. so i know he can make good grades all of school year,but i dont know how to motivate him to do it all the time. i have talked to his teachers, the principle they all tell me what a great kid his is but cannnot advise me on any solutions, i dont want him just to get by in school, i want him to take pride in his school work and be the best that he can. if anyone can help with any suggestions , please do.

Answer 1

This is a REALLY difficult age, especially for boys, to get them to take schoolwork seriously. You've told me several key pieces of information though:

1) He's capable of good grades. That means he's bright and able... just probably sloughing off when it comes to homework and such. The computer is more fun, the friends are more fun, other stuff is more fun. He's burned out on school by the end of the day and doesn't want to spend all his free time knocking out homework because "After all, Mom, I know the material..."

2) He's a great kid, never trouble except grades: This is of prime importance. The low grades aren't indicating anything other than a bit of natural 14 year old laziness :)

3) Before the final grades come out, he works really hard and brings them all up: This says he's not yet damaging his GPA by sloughing off. He's only getting by with being lazy most of the grading period and you're concerned he's setting a bad habit in place that won't bode him well in real life... much less college, right?

Let me tell you my story :)

I have a son, who during junior high school and the beginning of high school, "knew all the material" and tested well... but homework was a nightmare and he couldn't keep a notebook grade to save his life. I lectured, I conferenced, I yelled. Finally I let it go. Our rules were simple. If you bring home a D or F on your report card, you have no privileges until interims. If you bring home a D or F on interims, no privileges until report card.

He spent a great deal of his 8th, 9th and 10th grade years not having a clue what was on television that his friends were all talking about - lol

Along about 11th grade, something happened. He realized that he was messing with his ability to get into college. His GPA wasn't what it should be because of the "barely skating by" he'd done for the last three years. He buckled down. He made more effort. He graduated from high school with a GPA that wouldn't really make any mother proud, but it was enough to get him into the college he wanted. His senior year he had to take all weighted classes (AP) in order to get enough points to accomplish this feat.

He's now at a small, but well respected university, studying to be a Music Education major (plans to instruct high school concert/symphonic and marching band) and after his first semester, with a hideous class load and lots of extra time spent on concerts and performances... he's got a 4.0 GPA and made the Dean's List.

In a way I wish now that I hadn't been so hard on him because all it did was damage our relationship. I should have just let him take full responsibility for his own grades by that age and let him learn the lesson he wound up learning anyway. Now he knows the value of that work ethic that I was trying to teach him... but me trying to jam it down his throat was not the best way for him to learn. Experience taught him all he needed to know.

Show your son my response... and then work out a game plan that is acceptable to the both of you. Make it a team effort with some compromise about how much responsibility is his... and how much is yours... and lose the combat between you. It's not worth damaging the relationship and if he's as bright as you say, he'll come to the right conclusions on his own when it's his time.

It sounds like you're a great mom and he's a great kid and you're both doing a wonderful job together. Keep up the teamwork and talk to one another about the situation. You'll be rewarded with a stronger relationship to get you through the more difficult years ahead :)

Answer 2

he might be one of the younger kids in his class and being a boy on top of that doesn't help with maturity. he is now at the age where he doesn't want the other kids to tease him then also have his parents yell at him . this is a very serious time. he probably won't tell you up front. but he probably is just mentally young for the work. his classes are getting harder. just be very supportive to him and what ever you do don't worry so much as long as you support him through this with some sort of tutoring after school. Most cities have at home tutoring . that the No Child Left Behind Act pays for. sometimes schools offer the information. my children use it. its private in your own home and one on one. Good Luck. He sounds like a great kid. Don't worrry. ALSO I FORGOT TO TELL YOU . WHEN GOING THROUGH THE NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT, ITS FREE

Answer 3

don't worry mom..my daughter and son hated school and dropped out two years early..they both had a lot of issues to work out and it took them a long time to catch up in the world because the world is not paying and hiring people with little or no formal education.
he will be with you a little longer until he can get it through his head that they key to success is education..maybe the school and teachers for him are not right? well, maybe there are issues that you are not aware of..but education is basic to survival in this world as you know yourself what has to be done to get ahead in this world. Try to get him into a vocational training program as even the military don't want men or women who have no education..if not done soon he could turn into real trouble..??

Answer 4

www.thinking-forward.com

1. Build a Team. Alone you have a limited amount of time and resources. Build a team of mentors, coaches, teachers, grandparents and other adults who support your values.
2. Acknowledge effort as well as achievement. Practice using the words, "Thank you and your effort today was amazing!" Teens love acknowledgment particularly when it comes from someone they respect.
3. Ask questions. The caveat to this tip- your questions must be about something they enjoy.
4. Listen without judgment. Teens don't want a solution from you in most cases. They are looking for a non-judgmental ear that will listen without comment or question.
5. Clarify your expectations. Do the words, "Try your best" mean that you expect to see A's on your teen's report card? Give your teen something specific to work towards. Abstract expectations lead to assumptions that result in frustration for everyone.

While doing some research on goal setting and en-visioning last week, I observed an interesting experience.

I was sitting up at a tall table, surrounded by cards, books and a notebook. Next to me, maybe 2 meters away, was the "coffee counter" with cream, napkins, sugar...you get the image.

I watched as several people took their drink from the bar, and added their special mixture of ingredients. Then, I saw something that caught, and kept, my attention.

Not having children, I can't speak from experience on this one. But, I wonder what other parents do when a child - of say 4 or 5 years old - really wants attention, and does so by asking questions, and saying what is going on with them.

So...I'm watching a mom and her son. The mom, pouring condiments into her drink, her son sipping water through a straw. Then, her phone rings. She answers, talks for a few moments, and hangs up.

The son asks (4 times) who it was.
The mom says a name.
The son asks (6 times) what she said.
The mom says, "Nothing."
The son goes on to talk about (I assume) the person who called. Then says, "What do you think, Mom?"
The mom says nothing...

Watching them walk away, my mind couldn't help but see a picture...a picture the mom may not have yet imagined. But, here's what it looks like, 12 years from now, when that child is 14 or 16:

The phone rings, and he answers.
The mom asks (4 times) who it was.
The son says a name.
The mom asks (6 times) what they said.
The son says, "Nothing."
The mom goes on to talk about (I assume) the person who called. Then says, "What do you think, Son?"
The son says nothing...

I can only imagine what it's like when a son and mother don't communicate well. I mean, when my wife and I are off, we notice it. And, we work to get back "in sync."

I'd love to hear from any parents reading this...how are you, as a parent of pre-teens or teens, ensuring that the forum is open for them to talk with you, and to you?

Answer 5

your son will be fine
he has a good brain, which he has shown he can use
So no worry there!!!
He has all the hormone problems of a growing 14 year old to cope with, give him a year or two
and he will grow into a fine young man ,
and you will be so proud of him ..

Of course you worry about him , you are his Mum.!!!!
Praise and encourage him , time will bring him through,
his tricky teenage years , unscathed !
you are proud of him all ready and you will be prouder yet !

Good luck

>^,,^<

Answer 6

Tell your child when he brings a good grade home, that he gets praised for it. But when a bad grade comes, there will be punishment. Your child is to small to motivate himself, and he needs his parents.

Answer 7

Inculcate values that reflect a thirst for knowledge.
They need to know how it's used.

Answer 8

hes lazy