How would you feel if you found your husband watching porn?

Question

I was so upset this morning because I woke up early and my husband was in the living room watching porn. We had a big argument about it because I felt hurt because he does not give me any attention anymore. He had an attitude and said that there is nothing wrong with watching porn because he is not really doing anything but watching.

So I said to him that it could lead to him having an affair or doing alot more. He might be cheating on me now but I do not have any proof. We have not been happy together for a long time and I really want to divorce him but he does not want to leave me because it is cheaper to keep me. He has mentioned this too me, we also have 4 children together.

Anyway, Do you think that I am overracting?

Thank you all for responding...

Answer 1

Your 4 kids have to come first.....when they are grown, then you can leave! Sorry, but not much you can do right now.

Answer 2

I so feel for you right now, read the question that I asked and you can see that I am in the same boat. I found porn sites on my computer. In the past we watched some DVDs together, but I had a baby about a year ago and haven't wanted that stuff around because it makes me uncomfortable. I still have a lot of baby weight so it makes me self-conscience. To me, the worst thing that a husband and/or BF can do is hide it. Before my daughter, I told my husband that 1. by hiding it, you make it something "bad" or "wrong" and 2. only watch when I am there too. We, as many couples, used it as a form of foreplay. But I became uncomfortable and asked that he respected that for the time being, I didn't want it around. Now that I found it, that he was watching in secrecy, it will take me longer to get over it and enjoy porn with him again. Also, I think it depends on how good your relationship is, if you are having problems like you are and my husband and I have been having, then porn will not be something that you should be doing together or alone.

Answer 3

I don't think porn is your problem in this marriage. As far as porn goes, an occasional watch is not something big to worry about. The part of him not showing you any attention, not being happy (either of you), and keeping you around because its cheaper are your problems. Put your children first, and get out of the miserable relationship. You teach your children what a marriage and relationship is. If you aren't in a loving marriage, they won't know what it is supposed to look like, and will make the same or worst mistakes in their lives. What are the both of you showing them to help in their futures?

Answer 4

It's not really a big deal that he's watching porn most guys do. Yes it's stupid but they like it. If your not happy in your realationship then you should talk to your children. See if they are unhappy with him too. I'm kinda going through the same thing but i'm the child and me and my mom are ready to leave my father but we haven't because we know he can't make it on his own. You can't stay in a home where your not happy just because of your children. Your children can still visit him. Leave belive me if your not happy and he's not then things will just get worse. I wouldn't convince yourself he's cheating until you know for sure though. That will just make things even worse. You have to do what you feel comfortable with but it seems to me you would be alot happier if you and him got a divorce and even if you didn't get a divorce right yet you could try just seperating for a while.

Answer 5

I can understand your reaction however, why not talk to hubby and work out a compromise. If he wants to watch porn, why not suggest you both watch it together?

Porn will only become a problem if that's all he is interested in. If he's choosing this over you, then he might have some issues.

Having said that, watching porn is normal and can be completely harmless...it may even help to spice up your relationship....it doesn't necessarily mean he is going to cheat on you. That all depends on his frame of mind...only you know the type of person he is.

I think you over-reacted out of shock....so, just gather your thoughts, talk to him and, if it doesn't offend you to watch porn yourself, like I said earlier, make time alone for the two of you and have yourselves a "movie night".

Answer 6

Lead to him having an affair or doing a lot more??? Must have been to one of those anti-pornography propaganda shows put on by Christians. Attend church much? Anyways, yea, you are over reacting. Porn does not create sexual monsters or cheaters. Masturbation is healthy behaviour and sometimes men and women require or prefer visual stimulation. Instead of being upset about your husband's sexuality, why not try in get involved? No, you don't have to watch with him, but you could treat him a little better and work on your relationship either that or accept that your relationship sucks, you're miserable and by yourself a vibrator and relax.

Answer 7

i would feel hurt too escpecially if we are experiencing a point when i dont feel as attractive to him. WE have our own tapes so i know hes watching us if he ever watches porn. work onu. what is making u feel ignored or unattractiv eto him? well u shouldnt stay just because of kids. u cant be making them happy if u r unhappy. we live once hon if u arent with your soul amte than he is still out there looking for u too. your husband doesnt want to pay child support? make an agreement to avoid that. equal time ect.. dont waste the only life u get

Answer 8

Your problem is between your ears.
You want out, treat him that way but are upset that he watches porn?
There IS nothing wrong with watching porn.
Actually porn is an alternative to cheating.

As for your wanting out, figure out what you are doing there. Either stay or leave but your self inflicted limbo is poisoning everything around you.

I think you are overreacting about something of no consequence and ignoring the gorilla in the closet.

Answer 9

I can understand you being upset but I do think that your over reacting. A guy watching porn does not lead to affairs or anything else. There are number of reasons why he could have been watching it. Most doctors say that it perfectly normal for guys to want to watch porn, and that it might even be healthy. The truth is that if he's watching porn then he isn't out there getting it from somewhere else. I would be more concerned if he stopped.

Answer 10

Yes, unfortunately, you are overreacting.

First, let's refer to it as erotica. Porn is just a pejorative term, and what I would call the "cheaply made stuff."

Erotica has been around for thousands of years. It began as painting, sculpture and poetry, and eventually evolved into literature, photography, acting, and video.

Erotica is simply an alternative form of sexual arousal; it is harmless fantasy and nothing more.

Regarding fantasy, Helen Fisher ("The First Sex," Ballantine Books, Feb. 2000) says that 71 percent of men and 72 percent of women fantasize while having sex with a partner. Men fantasize about conquest and domination, women about submission and surrender.

Dr. Joyce Brothers says, "It might relieve some of your guilt to know that many happily married individuals who have no thought or intention of ever betraying their spouse have sexual fantasies about someone other than their spouse."

Both men and women (single and in a relationship) have shown a desire to enjoy erotica in some form.

Women should take note that there is a very successful series of erotic anthologies called "Herotica." The stories are all written by female authors - not male!

There are well over 800 million rentals of adult videotapes and DVDs in video stores across the country, and that's not 800 guys renting a million tapes each.

As long as a partner is taking care of his/her obligations and responsibilities (job, family) and seeing that the other person is being fulfilled sexually, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with enjoying alternative forms of arousal.

Most female's initial reaction to their partner enjoying erotica is one of offense; their sexual identity is somehow threatened; believing that their partner's arousal and satisfaction should come exclusively from their vagina/mouth/hand. That is sad.

And then, there are many couples such as ourselves that enjoy a mature, fully-developed sex life.

If he is fulfilling you sexually, give him some privacy and space to indulge in a little fantasy. Your relationship is not at risk.

Answer 11

yes watching only , what if he will join , and if u have no eveidence that he cheat u, dont always blame , also u have ur children u want ur kids have a broken family? always make jealous always argue , why not make ur house clean take care the kids see to it if they are always in good health and in their schooings tool and of coures make ur self clean always sexy so that ur husband will not go nd watch porn and that u can save ur husband in going to others