I got married when i was 23, he's 20 yrs older, at that time it was so right we're both happy. When we had our baby things changed, he even get jealous with our son...he was saying i've given all my love to our son and nothing left for him, I even had sex with him 6 weeks after the birth just so he wont feel left out. My feelings changed towards him since then, there were times when we argue he tells me to move out but beg me to stay when i start packing and he's calm down. Yes, its his house but we're married for almost 9 yrs now our son is turning 6. I wanted to have another child but he said the baby should be concieved with love, how can i force myself to love him, im not even sexually attracted to him anymore. He's most of the time uptight especially with our son..he doesnt have much patience with children thats why my friends and their kids doesnt visit us anymore. Of course there are some good times..seeing him and my son laughing together is worth staying. Im confused, help!
2007-03-05 21:59:04 · 14 answers · asked by Cathy123456 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why not listen to your husband and make it a happy marriage. Your husband has probably given up, let himself go because he can't get your attention. You said it yourself, you gave all your love to your child.
By doing this, you have short changed your child and your husband.
Put your husband first, period. Ask him to put you first.
It won't happen overnight, because you didn't get to where you are overnight, but it will get better if you both try.
Why not tell your husband that you want to put him first and you would like a list of things to choose from that he would like to see you do. Pick one or two and start doing them consistently.
The other side of this coin is to give him a list of things you would like to see him do, specific things, not something general like be more romantic, or be less stressed. Specific like, let's go out to dinner once/week. Bring me flowers once a month or whatever. Those are just examples.
Keep adding a new thing you do for your husband, and he does for you each month and I guarantee you will see your husband in a new light.
2007-03-05 22:16:55 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was never married and never had a child, and i thought for so many years that it's fine. I heard a lot about married life, anyway. They say that it's the ultimate completion of a person, specially of a mother. Now, there you are claiming that you have an unhappy marriage, which started right, nevertheless. Honey, maybe you are losing some focus here. The fact that you are happy to see the bonding between your son and your husband makes me think that you still got something so precious to fight for. Fight against what? That's another question. Have you ever thought that MAYBE it's not about your husband? What about your side, your role in the play? What i really mean is, why don't you start the flame again? Find that man in him that you loved before. Find that fire that has burnt you before. You'll never know, maybe you're just wrestling with your shadows....
2007-03-06 06:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by pamela 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try leaving him for a while. See if he can get used to the situation without the two of you.
Sometime people don't see what they have, until these things are gone.
If he is happy with the separation, than leave him permanently. This shows that he is happy without you guys, and he doesn't regret anything.
If he wants you 2 back again, than give him that second and last chance, BUT you and him must talk about his problems towards the kid first. Sort out all the problems before moving back together and it should be fine.
Good luck to you. Hope it helps.
2007-03-06 08:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by peas maker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie most men esp. if they're older are insecure,it doesn't matter what we do or how we do it,and yet nothing is good enough to them. Right now your staying for the sake of your son, if your hubby is jealous towards yourson,you can really tell that he can't be a good father.
He is very selfish when it comes to your needs and he wants is his way,never yours. Do yourself a favor,if you think that you dont love him anymore and he doesn't turn you on,its time for you to start a new life. if you stayed with him because of your son, things will get heavier and it might end up on confusing your baby. think about yourself now and your son. go out there and start a new life, no one deserve what your going through......I wish you best of life................
2007-03-06 10:23:19 · answer #4 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes , if i were you i would stay with him , as he does complete the family circle for you guys , there are serious problems there however that you need to talk about together , or get professional help , if you cannot talk about it , you would probably benifit from an in house separation, which may buy your relationship time, i do personally see a big gap in the age , being a problem, especially in the intimate side , but remember he is getting old , and probably feels like he isnt fitting anymore , he would love the kid , and it would be his world , whatever the outcome , let him see he kid , as it will break his heart getting a double whammy , good luck!
2007-03-06 07:30:53 · answer #5 · answered by DSV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, and again no no no!!!
If you are not happy then don't stay.
To be with someone u r because you love him/her and you are happy.
If you r not then whats the point.
The children r not stupid.
They understand if the family there living is a happy or depressed one.
You r probably hearting more your children like this than u can imaging.
They want a happy family do u have this?
Its better not to be together but have the respect, love, and secure environment 4 ur children rather that arguments, and misery.
2007-03-06 06:06:13 · answer #6 · answered by iona 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he's not a good father, especially if he doesn't have much patience with children. If that's the case, how is staying in your unhappy marriage helping anyone, including your son?
2007-03-06 06:04:06 · answer #7 · answered by chrisatmudd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SOUND SO FAMILIAR
by the way when is this house ever going to be yours
after 9 years of living together this is also your home
2007-03-06 06:18:41 · answer #8 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't stay with someone if you are not happy.
children know what's going on. if they see mommy and daddy upset and not happy, they think that's just the way it's supposed to be.
set a good example and be in a happy relationship.
but, please, work things out if u can.
i'm sorry that ur not SEXUALLY attracted to him anymore. that's sad.
if u loved him at one point....why would you ever stop being attracted to him?
i find that puzzling.
2007-03-06 06:11:44 · answer #9 · answered by lkjgfyfukh 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you still there? He is abusive to you and your son! Get out for the sake of your child and yourself. Now. Before you both are physically hurt.
2007-03-06 06:05:37 · answer #10 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋