answering the phone?

Question

What's the best answer/reply to cold-callers on the phone, I get loads, clean or downright rude will do,I'll try the best ones. Looking forward to your answers with relish :)

Answer 1

i always tell them i was just fired after 28 years on the job and i'm in the middle of tying my noose - could they call back later and tell the cops why i committed suicide.

Answer 2

I tell them that I would love to speak to them and ask if they can hold on for a moment. I then put the phone up close to the TV or computer speakers and see how long they are prepared to wait until they hang up. It's a great game and you feel much more satisfied than you do if you've just shouted at them to go away - BTW the longest anyone held on to speak to me was 8 minutes.
Also if you are in the UK you can opt out of receiving these calls via the telephone preference service (as you can with junk mail via the mail preference service) see link below. no more cold calls but I miss the game!

Answer 3

I heard a recording of a guy who pretended that he was a police officer at a murder scene - and the cold caller was now a suspect because they had called the murder scene. It was hilarious.

I just say no thank you and explain that I'm putting the phone down - then I put it down.


[EDIT]
As for the salesperson who's given everyone a thumbs down. I don't ever remember world trade starting by invading people's privacy and entering directly into their homes - so don't even go there. Cold calling is an obtrusive and evil practice, if you have a service to sell then advertise it - don't come into my living room ramming it down my throat!!!!

Answer 4

I always answer the phone then ask them to hold, put the handset on the sofa & continue what i was doing.
Also when u answer the phone there is a delay before speech as the computer connects u to the salesperson so i hang up when i hear the pause.

Answer 5

Keep very quiet - and let them use their phone bill. i leave my phone on the table and carry on what i`m doing and just check every now and then to see if they are still there. soon enough they will know they are talking to nothing and i love the thought of how frustrated they must feel.

Answer 6

Get a cell phone and you'll get no more calls. Step out of the dark ages and into the light...

Answer 7

Depends what they want. If they're trying to sell me home improvements like double glazing etc then I tell them we rent. They go away then.
If it's loans or changing suppliers I play dumb and say my husband deals with all that.

Hope you get rid of them, they're a pain.

Answer 8

Call centre in India/Bangledesh etc.:
"Hello, my name is ... Pe-a-ter... Is that Mr Smee-ath?"
"No, I'm Abduhl Patel."
"Oh... Can I speak to Mr Smee-ath?"
"No. I am Abduhl Patel."
"Oh... Day-er is no Abduhl Patel on my list."
"Isn't that a shame?"
"I will be talking to my manager... please holding dee line sir..."
Click.

English based calls:
"Hi, my name is Treveor and I'm calling from Twatco about how I can save you money on..."
"Are you that company selling the sick animal porn?"
"No, of course not. We..."
"Well I'm not interested then, f@ck off."
Click

Or:
"Hello, Mr Smith?"
"No comment".
"Er, are you the homeowner?"
"No comment"
"Er... I'm calling from Twatco about how we can save you money on our fantastic deal on this season's french patio style windows..."
No comment
etc.

Or:
"Hello, are you the homeowner?"
"Aaaaghhhhhh! aggghhhhhhhh! Aggghhhhhhh! Agggghhhhh!"
etc.

Or:
"Hello, are you the homeowner?"
"Fuckshitcockbollockstwatcuntwankbastardbitchpiss!
Fuckshitcockbollockstwatcuntwankbastardbitchpiss!
Fuckshitcockbollockstwatcuntwankbastardbitchpiss!"
etc.


Or:
"Hello, are you the homeowner?"
"Hello caller, are you ready for some really dirty fun?. Well, what's your name big boy?"
etc.

Make them not want to call you!

Answer 9

I say in a loud voice "How did you get this number it is private" they usually apologise and I never here from the same ones again

Answer 10

If they're obviouly selling I always tell them I am unemployed and have no regular income. They apologise for troubling me and hang up. Works everytime.