I had twins 15 months ago, and I am not intersted in sex.?

Question

I used to love sex, and couldn't wait for it, now I can go a month and still be fine, but my husband thrives for it. How do I change this? And how do I go back to the old days?

Answer 1

Well at least you are asking about how to try and get some of the old feeling back. Honestly, it's refreshing. Most women give the impression that once they have children, 'daddy' becomes a distant 2nd to the child or children.

In other words, while the hormones women secrete during breastfeeding lower their sex drives, even after things chemically return to normal, many women by then are 'in a groove' of not having sex and can easily 'skip it' for quite some time.

Add to this the fact that women tend to be the primary caregivers early on, and women are often quite tired after caring for a child from early morning to late at night. But again, instead of working out a plan to share this care and lighten their own burden and get more rest, they 'do it for their baby'.

However this creates tension and many women don't realize that doing all the child care has an unseen by-product on top of being tired: resenting your husband. And it's hard to make love with someone you resent.

Believe me, even though we men don't have lots of Lifetime for Guys movies made for us, we are well aware that the baby is all you care about. There are 2 parts to that. One is good great yes we care all about the baby too. But we lack that bond of it forming in us and coming out of us and nursing from us. We'll never have that. So two we are a bit less attached, especially early on when you are *super* attached. That makes it difficult to understand, and as coarse as it seems, we are less understanding about why it is so easy for you to "skip sex" over and over after a few months of recovery time.

The old trusted remedies are a good place to start:

[1] Ask what he is feeling about the lack of sex and then LISTEN for a while. So many women talk, talk, talk, yap, yap, yap - the guy says 3 words and the women tell their friends, "we had a good talk last night." No, he said 3 words and you said 19,000. NOT good.

[2] Explain why you can skip it and that you want it back.

[3] Make a plan for him to take immediate responsibility of as many baby chores as you can.

[4] Get more sleep.

[5] Ease off on obsessing needlessly about the twins. Some is normal - too much and it feels very hurtful to your husband.

[6] Get a sitter - even for 3 hours - and go have a date. Not a movie, not a museum walk, a sex date in a nice hotel. That kind of date. Bring plenty of lube and wear a big smile. Respond mentally and your body will follow that lead.

Answer 2

Children -- Your life is changed for evermore. I know what it is like to have one child, I could only imagine two. I would say that 1) You are probable exhausted 2) Could possible be hormonal. You could see a doctor. You may even have a touch of Post Pardum Depression. Nothing to be ashamed of! 3) Make your husband aware. So many women just ASSUME there husbands should be mind readers...sorry, but were not! 4) You must take time and get away once a week on a date night. and 5) You MUST at least one weekend out of the month give the twins to grandma and grandpa...or a baby sitter. You have to MAKE time for each other.

Here is the main clue...you must work up to that weekend. Start by simply praising your husband. Men loved to be praised. Unfortunately its that ego thing. Then leave a little love note in his brief case or lunch. Send him an e-mail that simple says I was thinking of you. And of course there is always food. I don't know a man that you can't win over through the stomach.

I know your going to say, "why do I have to do all of this?" Trust me...what you give out you will receive ten fold.

My grandparents use to leave each other little love notes all the time and they would always sign them S.H.M.I.L.Y. (see how much I love you)! Try it!!! You will not regret it!

Best Wishes!!!

Answer 3

Hummmmmmmmmmmm, Could you be TIRED? If hubby is so full of energy how about him taking the kids for a day out so you can get some rest and then have the babysitter come for the evening while you two go out and relax together. Get a nice room somewhere and spend time getting back rubs and being "adult". Just one warning, after he's had two 15 month old kids all on his own for a whole day, don't be too surprised if he's more interested in the quite and pillows then "living for it". A real man will see you need time to be more than Mommy and Sexy Momma. You need time to yourself. Trust me , this is the same advise I got from my grandmother twenty years ago and boy was she right!

P.S.
We're still together and he's more my dream man every day ;)

Answer 4

I would have to say that you are just tired. Even after only having one child, most women become tired and can live without sex for much longer than they used to. Once your babies are a little older and more self reliant, you should be back to your normal self. In the mean time, if you ever have a chance to take a little nap in the day time (even if only for a half hour) you might feel more inclined to satisfy your husbands needs.
Congrats on the twins by the way!!

Answer 5

Parenting may have taken a toll on you. However, do remember that you need some private moments with your husband. Go somewhere romantic; have a nice meal. Alternatively, have someone look after your twins once in a week and create the embience at home so that you both can rekindle the relationship once again.

Answer 6

You are having a hormone imbalance. You need to see a doctor to get back in balance. This happens to a lot of women after they give birth.

Answer 7

well, as these sweet dear ladies are telling you, it's ok for you, but, I warn ya, it wont be for the hubby, from experience, I am a pretty good dog, but if you want me to stay under the porch you have to pet me some, and sure your hubby is the same way.

Answer 8

Pretty normal. It is not so much about sexual pleasure but I think you prefer "normal family life" now that you have the twins to care for. Don't let it bother you too much dear.

Answer 9

see whats wrong with you and fix it soon
how old are you?