We've been together 12 years and married 5. He is so not interested in sex. I love him so much and we have a pretty good relationship besides this. He is a great provider, a winner and the smartest person I ever met. He is 53 and I am 44. It has been dwindling down bad for a year now. He's not currently having an affair either. I love sex and want to have it with him but he is so disinterested. I am at my wits end! I don't want to cheat on him, what should I do? I've tried everything by the way. My self estime was affected till I went to stress management classes. I feel bad, real bad though. What should I do?
2007-03-05 18:31:11 · 22 answers · asked by M1963 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He also travels extensively for a living. Do I have my head in the sand? He was talking to an x- g/f last year for 3 months 3 times a day. I had a PI get cell phone records to find that. He called her 2x on Christmas day 2005 and New Years 05'. He said nothing happened. Too weird for me.
2007-03-05 18:36:14 · update #1
Also by the way. I was a topless dancer for 8 years, so yes I have tried "everything". I am very comfortable with my body also.
2007-03-05 18:44:23 · update #2
Hmmm...
What you ought to do is face a few facts. It doesn't sound like hubby is merely disinterested in sex - it sounds to me like he's not so keen on YOU as a partner.
Don't be mislead by the BS that men "slow down" sooner than women. That's bull. Believe me. I'm 60.
Sorry... but that's my call on the situation.
[][][] r u randy? [][][]
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2007-03-05 18:45:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personal experience denies the "he is getting old" story. I am 54 and don't feel old yet. Only young people believe this story.
Chances are that he has something else on his mind which distracts him from you. Could be business worries, somebody else, worries about health, almost anything.
Only way to find out is to ask him.
Probably worth while to get a medical check to make sure that their is nothing wrong. Sexual disfunction is rare but it does happen and should be eliminated as a possible cause.
Probably the last thing he needs is to feel pressure to perform but if you approach the issue as being for his benefit rather than just yours it should be OK.
If this all fails and you cannot get anywhere with the problem it may be possible to change to a more open relationship to satisfy your needs elsewhere whilst keeping the rest of the relationship intact. Not a very hopeful route since it actually puts more pressure into the system but probably better than divorce or cheating. Provided he agrees it cannot be considered as cheating.
2007-03-06 03:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm 53. He is at the age a man starts loosing his sexual drive. Maybe he just doesn't want to admit that he is having a problem. Sit him down and have a talk with him. Is he suffering from ED. If so that can be fix easily. When talking to him explain how you feel about it and your desires and needs. Even if he doesn't want sex he should be willing to satisfy your needs. Don't go out running around that could be a big mistake in more ways than one. You first have to find out what the problem is or you can't fix it. Maybe time for some outside help. Good luck.
2007-03-06 02:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by edj009 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you guys are together for 17 years! I got married for 2 only years and my sex life with my husband has been going down hill to once a month or sometimes none. He's not interested in sex any more! He's 45 and i'm 32. I miss sex so much that all i can do is just fantacies. I feel very bad. We had talked about it, I cried about it, I even screamed at him but to no avail. I am extremely frustrated. I even feel lonely. I feel saddest when we are watching movies together that shows some intimate scene, I even cried watching the actor/ actress having fake sex on scene. I don't know what i can do! And I don't want to cheat. I can only wait, wait... and wait.... :'(
2007-03-06 02:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by Troy Girl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Viagra or Cialis. Aging men don't have the same drive for sex like they did in their 20s. Have you tried role playing? Changing the scenery? Being adventurous? Since you have a good relationship overall, talk to him about how you feel. Maybe he's simply tired or out of shape.
Try strip aerobics. Gets you in shape while showing you to do a strip tease. That could rev up the gears a bit!
Have fun and good luck!
2007-03-06 02:38:52 · answer #5 · answered by fatcatkeepers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are contradicting yourself you say he is not having an affair but you had a PI find out that he was calling his ex GF even on Christmas. You have more then you head in the sand why are so many of you women so stupid. And if i was going to be stupid like that I wouldn't want anyone to know.
2007-03-06 02:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Him calling his ex is certainly a warning sign. Personally I'd get in his face and demand to know what gives! There has to be a reason and after 12 years there can't be anything too personal. If he's lost that lovin' feeling, at least you'll know. If it's something else, find out from him. If he won't answer..... You need to live your life as happily as possible and he will have to be the provider anyway.
btw, I'm 49 and wish I had someone to chase....
2007-03-06 02:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by Keep it Simple 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contra between first part were you say hes not currently having an affair.with the adds,
but some thing to realize some men goes in that age on sort of play around.he gets to be 15 and 16 again
so pray that this will finish safely and he passes that
you mentioned nothing about kids
you started with him when he was 41
what was be4 that
was he married
was he virgin
41 is old age to start life he would have some thing be4
2007-03-06 02:51:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello M1963, i read what all those people was saying about the age 53. i am 53 and my sex drive is very high. the only problem is, i don't have a woman to share it with. i am divorced and i would love to have a woman with the sex drive that you have. all men don't lose their sex drive when they hit their 50's, although, some do. i feel like mine is stronger than ever. there has to be something going on with your husband for him not wanting to have sex with you. you mentioned him calling an ex, well, maybe that has something to do with it. i don't know but thats my guess, thanks, Jerry, skinnydude53@yahoo.com
2007-03-06 06:29:31 · answer #9 · answered by nuckolbuster51 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him about the situation; let him know that having that sexual bond is very important to you. If you don’t talk about the problem you will never resolve the issue.
Also have you ever thought that he might be having some trouble getting aroused? Maybe he needs to start taking some sort of prescribed stimulant.
2007-03-06 02:42:37 · answer #10 · answered by Jessie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋