I'm lesbian and scared/confused...what should I do??

Question

I'm 21 and I have always thought that I might be a lesbian. I always said to myself oh I'll grow out of it. But the older I get the more certain I am that it's true. I feel no sexual attraction for guys whatsoever. I'm scared because I don't really have anyone I trust to confide in or talk about this. I feel like I'm all alone in this. I don't know if I'm ready to be out yet...but it's impossible to meet anyone in my situation since I'm not out. I wish I could just randomly meet someone who feels this way and who can help me through. I don't know how other people find the courage to just be so open about it. The more I think about this the more depressed I get and it's ruining all aspects of my life. I just feel like crying because I'm scared that I'll be alone in this forever. I never talk about me feelings....which made writting this very very difficult. If you are or were in this situation please give me some advice...thanks.

Answer 1

IF I were you I would keep it to myself for a while. Alot of straight people are single, just think of it like you are single. Its okay to cry and feel alone. Maybe after a while you will figure out what really makes you happy, dont rush out into anything. Youll be okay.

Answer 2

I think I'm experiencing the same feelings you are. I'm in my late 30's and I've been dating guys all my life, but as of recently I began realizing that I'm gay. I haven't been with a woman yet, but I am certain that it is what I want. I haven't told anybody about my feelings, but a lot of people around me have suspected that about me for quite some time. I'm not really scared, but I am pretty confused about what to do next, what direction to take. I've started going to "girls only" dance clubs, and getting close to other women that way it's making me come out just a little bit at a time. I hope that eventually I will reach a point where actually being with a woman won't be beyond my level of comfort. So far I found the other lesbian women to be fairly welcoming and interested. I don't know if this helps you at all, but if you are interested in talking further, I am open to that. I kinda need a friend too :)

Answer 3

Hun, I know exactly what you are going through, and I know it ain't. Okay heres my situations: I am 16. my family is SUPER strict christians. I am a lesbian. I had pretty much always known, but i didnt come out until last year. It was really hard but heres what to do: Find someone you really really trust, and tell them first. keep finding people you trust and tell them until you get comfortable with it, then its not as hard to tell anyone. Before you know it you will have some gay friends (itll happen dont worry) and you'll find someone. If you need someone to talk I'm here. I know its a tough time right now but it will get better. oh p.s. dont listen to haters some people can say really hurtful things but dont even pay attention to them because you are who you are and you love who you love there is no choice involved.

Answer 4

Do you want to be or do you not want to be? Are you open to finding out for sure? Are you afraid of finding out for sure? Since you haven/t had experience either way, I have a suggestion. Find out if it is a glandular thing. If not, then it doesn't mater to you either way. If it is, seek medical help. Other medical problems could be in the future for you if you don't address this.

Might I say that I am a mature male. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes, not knowing. However, it really isn't a pressing issue to find out RIGHT NOW for you. You have time to find out if your deprtession is your body's reward for not knowing and look at all the free endrophenes coursing thru your viens. Spend some time to get out of the corner you think you're in before deciding

Once you've made up your mind, remember, always practice safe sex. Don't chose a life partner the first time. Try both ways before making it fixed in stone. Or, better still for you, remember the saying, "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."
Somehow, I've found women who admit to being BI more sexy than either of the other choices. Make up your own mind daughter, but be willing to live with it.

And, lastly, don't accept to met anyone from these pages. You never know who is trolling or if they live to cause you pain, male or female.

Answer 5

Hello, I would like to introduce myself, im heavenlybeauty2006, an
d you can feel free to contact me at [e-mail],or
[e-mail]. i hope to hear from you in the very near
future? Now, what you need to do, is to try to see yourself in a positive way, its alright to feel the way that you feel, and see thing
s the way that you see them. After all, it takes all of us to help ma
ke this world, what GOD INTENDED for it to be. I feel that you and I have a little in common, i too am in a situation that i had very
little to do with. I was born a female transsexual, most of my life,I
struggled to find out who and what i was? I know that you must never give up on yourself, and dont allow others to classify whats
right and wrong for you. How do you feel about being a lesbian?A
re you sure that this is the lifestyle that you want to be in? You ca
n change it if you truly want to, and you dont have to have anythin
g to do with men. Im living proof that you have yourown choice in
how you want your life to be. Right now you are under alot of pain
stress, and confusion, and its hard to put things together when everything isnt going in the right direction? But please dont be in a
hurry to do anything, take your time and think and pray about wha
t GOD may want you to do. Alot of times we may think that GOD
dont CARE, but HE never stop LOVING and CARING for us his
children.

Answer 6

Ok, first off, take a deep breath. Now let it out slowly. Next, don't worry, you aren't weird because you are gay, there may be other reasons you are weird, but being gay if fairly common. About ten percent of the population is gay, so you aren't alone. Next, look for gay organizations that are built around your areas of interest. One good example I can give you is, Guns for Pink Triangles, a pro-firearms group that is primarily set up for gay folks who might not be comfortable for the regular NRA crowd. Try to find friends who can be sympathetic to you and who won't be an asshole. Now, having a friend who isn't a asshole is different from a friend who rips on you. If a friend can't casually insult you and give as good as they take, then they aren't really a friend. Also, grow a thick skin. There are plenty of people out there who will be ready to abuse you verbally and physically, so learn to defend yourself in either mode. And finally, you are human, you will make mistakes, and try to learn from them. Life takes a long time to get through it, so have as much fun as you can and try to leave the world a little better than you found it. Hope this helps, if it doesn't, then try Jack Daniels, Black Label, but only in moderation.
By the way, I'm not gay, just have had a lot of experience in being on the fringes of society in general. Again, hope this helps.

Answer 7

Get an account at Myspace.com if you don't already have one. You can join groups that have people that are in the same situation you are in & you can talk with them. The category "Gay, Lesbian, & Bi" has 42,697 diffeent groups made by people who are in the same situation. You can browse billions of people in your area for friends, possible relationship, or just someone to talk to. And when you browse it's based on your own personal likings....everything from city, religion, orientation, body type, relationship status, etc, you pick. Your not alone you know. Try it out.

Answer 8

Don't let it take over your life. I'm in no rush to tell anyone, i'm still opening. 21 might be a little late, but it's a good time for a relationship. You will most likely never grow out of it, you just have to live with it, it's a beast of burden, i know, but you have to work at it. You first have to find some friends, start steering the topic torwards homosexuality, like Britney Spears and Madonna or something. Then start leaning it torwards if they were disgusted with it, etc. This might help you get some clues to their aspects on homosexuality. Like for instance if their answer is "Disgusting! I never want to see something like that ever again", maybe you should wait. If they say "I dont think those two look good together," apparently they're a little tolerant with homosexuality. If they say "That was hot dude!", if a guy said it, well... hes a guy, hes probably gonna say that, but if a girl says it, maybe they have the same sexual orientation as you, and you should get to know them of find out if they have other homosexual friends. Trust me, in the USA, 1 out of 4 people are homosexual, find someone, grow on them, if they're striaght and you get to know them in that way, you could possibly change their sexual orientation. I have this really open friend of mine (girl), and she was straight like 2 years ago, she was boy crazy (lol.), now she has really close girl-friends that have grown on her, and she's getting to know them really well, just be open!

Answer 9

I was in this situation a few months ago. I come from a very homophobic and conservative family, and I had no gay friends that I knew of. After going through a period of severe depression, I realized that I couldn't stand being alone anymore. I started looking at gay forums and groups on myspace and other websites. I made a gay friend online, and "came out." Luckily, she was extremely supportive and very understanding. She helped me understand/come to terms with alot of things. We met in person a few months ago and are now dating. My best friend found out about us somehow, and it turns out he was bi! You just never know with these things. Some of the closest people to you may also be suffering through this and you don't know. The best advice I can give you is to slowly start interacting with other gays, whether it be online or maybe a gay club/bar. You really aren't alone in this. If you need to talk to someone who has been where you are, feel free to email me.

Answer 10

I'm not in your situation- but you definitely need someone you can talk to & trust. See if you can call a local "Help" line for a referal - or better yet, keep asking around here on the Internet until you find someone you feel comfortable talking with. You've got NOTHING to be ashamed of...-& finding someone to talk to about your feelings & situation will do you all the world of good. Hang in there- & good luck! :)

Answer 11

it's very important to make friends, even if they are online friends, just someone you can open up to and spill your guts too and not have to worry about them judging you. there are lots of awesome lesbians on this site who may offer to chat with you and give you some advice on how to best deal with everything in your mind.

it is certainly ok to cry and to be afraid. it's a harsh world we live in and it's certainly natural to be worried about being judged and worried about finding love.

being lonely forever worries me, but at the same time, you don't necessarily need romantic or sexual love in order to void that lonely feeling. close intimate friendships can be very powerful and having people you can talk to and be yourself around can be great.

my issues are more about my own sexuality than my sexual orientation (i am dealing with serious thoughts that i am transgendered and transsexual) but i think alot of my fears and concerns would be similar to yours. fear of being judged, feelings of being isolated or vulnurable, etc..

anyway, i always like making new friends and meeting new people, so you're very welcome to click on my profile and send me an e-mail and maybe we can chat further.. it's up to you..

bottom line, sharing your feelings is important. even if you just type them out to yourself, that is a great start.. the fact that you confronted your demons enough to the point where you posted this, well that was a very good first step.. nobody ever has to go thru life alone.. i'm here for you, and i'm sure many others will be too!