my daughter 15yrs,told me she was staying at her friends,her friend told her mum she was staying at mine,?

Question

instead they both stayed in a wooden shed on a housing estate with a load of drinkers.This is the first time ever she has gone against me and has wrote me a note to say how she cant believe why she ever decided to upset me Im her best friend and shed never upset me again but what if she had never got the chance to write that note.can I trust her now to let her out Im the only adult in her life all other family are in england we're in county down im disabled so I cant roam the streets for her.Do I cripple her by keeping her in or give her a chance that I might live to regret please have a think what would you do

Answer 1

From what you've written, I get the impression that you are doing it all right. You seem to have balanced being a friend and a mother.

Don't punish her.

You clearly want your daughter to enjoy every last drop of life, possibly more than most mothers (your disability doubtless make you more appreciative of her relative freedom). From what you've written it comes across that you're trying to avoid guilt tripping her too. Honestly I think you're spot on.

The situation is impossible. The only advice I can suggest is that you gently open her eyes to the reasons behind the need to curtail a girls freedom. Show her through true stories on the internet, why she can't take risks. She may then understand that its not about her not having fun, its about the very real danger of someone having sadistic fun at her expense.

I only hope that I'll have done as good a job as you evidently have by the time my daughter reaches 15.

Answer 2

I have a 5-year-old daughter, and I'm already thinking about the 'what if's'!
What if she falls down the stairs?
What if she runs off at school?
What if she talks to a weirdo?

And I know the older she gets the more I'll have.

So I've started talking to her about the troubles in the world and how I've solved them, or avoided them.
I got lost in the shopping the other day. I went straight to the Police Centre. Guess who was there waiting for me, with a huge grin on her face?


If you love her, set her free!


It applys to everyone! As long as you are sure you have told her the truth, as sure as you are, they are truths, and may give her other's perspective, so that she won't be swayed so easily and misinformed, then trust her.
You can't trust anyone else, so it might as well be the person you love the most- unconditionally!
Life will lead her where she has to go. There's only so much you can do before a fight erupts and then you can be sure she will do something purposefully to spite you!

Have faith in your honesty, and doubt in your lies.

Mine's growing up so rapidly she's intergotating me about Santa! I mean, I feel like a suspect in a crime!
I'll have to come clean sooner or later, but I'd prefer the former!

Answer 3

Being fifteen myself, I'll tell you this: everyone rebels once in a while. Alright, she went a bit overboard, but even if you ground her, etc., it won't stop her from doing it again. Actually, it'll make her rethink her strategy so that you can't find out, and can't ground her again.

I think you should talk to her, and explain your views on the situation to her. Writing a note is easy - and very often dishonest. If your daughter doesn't make it a habit to disobey you, then maybe she was just under the influence of friends - you never know.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Exactly the same thing happened with my 15-year old, and my wife is crippled as well. We called the police, who found the 2 girls at a lad's house. Similar letter. We always insisted on speaking to the other parents, but there was some petty reason why we couldn't on this occasion, and we let it pass.
But I think she got her fingers burnt and learnt her lesson. She realises that parents are not as simple as they like to think we are.No more sleep-overs for her for a few years
But you cannot watch them 24/7. Neither can you cocoon them in cotton wool. You have to try and strike a happy medium.
It is called The Joys of Parenthood.

Answer 5

First thing is to punish her, ground her for a length of time, say one month of no staying at friends houses or staying out past 8pm or something. Secondly, make it mandatory that she give you the name and phone number of where she is going to be and make sure she knows you will be calling the other persons parents to ensure she is supposed to be there and is there.

The biggest thing is to keep the communication open, let her know that after she has shown that she is being honest and responsible by being where she tells you she is going to be, you will give her more freedom.

You definately do not want to upset her to the point that she starts sneaking out or running away, just make sure that she is aware of what she did wrong and that she has to pay the consequences for what she did. She may complain but in the end she will respect you for how you handled it.

Answer 6

Well, I used to be really rebellious. The more my mom would tell me not to do something I did it. All I can say is that she's gonna do what she wants. Just tell her all your life experiences and regrets and hope that it will help her with her decisions. If you want the best way to get her to stay out of trouble is make her feel bad about what she did. Give her the silent treatment, let it be known that she upset you. It worked for my mom, I stopped hanging out with all the people I use to cuz it was killing me that I was upsetting my mom.

Answer 7

She seemed to be a good girl..and you should be proud of her.. now for what she did i think its better to give her confidence and trust. locking her up wont help...control should come from within...and u have to instill this in her..u should explain to her that you r her best friend and that u care about her and whats good for her and also why u dint like what she did and why it really makes u upset and disappointed at her...list examples...then ask her to promise not to lie.. Trust is important and u must show her that u trust her...now for what she did u should give her some light disciplinary actions...and also reward her for her honesty..so a combination of both..i think a good start is to block her communication with her friend for some time..

Answer 8

Feel really bad for you it is so hard nowadays with teens i have 2 teen daughters :) try to build your trust for her again but next time she says she is staying out tell her not until you have phoned and confirmed with her friends parents if she refuses this then tell her no you have every right to do this! I do it with my girls we need to know they are safe regardless of their objections if we can't look out for our kids what is the world coming to? Good luck and all the best :)

Answer 9

Your mum is interior the incorrect. gay actual everyone seems to be like human beings and this needs to quit! in the journey that your daughter likes him, then permit her see him. She needs to study to admire categories of folk, no longer in simple terms those in her relatives. Is it perchance your mum is Muslim or belongs to a distinctive faith like that? nonetheless, your daughter nonetheless has a genuine to do what she needs. talk on your mum and say she needs to settle for him as a individual and not dislike him for his sexuality. Ask her to a minimum of come around for tea one evening. permit her understand you admire the religion, yet each and every each and every now and then she needs to think of approximately certainty and that she is hurting different persons's emotions. you do no longer ought to tell your chum. he's coming over to have relaxing and be satisfied and notice his acquaintances and relatives, to no longer be discriminated. confident, so talk on your mum, and if she nonetheless would not substitute her strategies, then stand corporation and say that your daughter WILL see your chum and that she shouldn't choose human beings like that.

Answer 10

I think you should open up your relationship so that she cant be scared to tell you the truth about what she's doing. You have to kind of face the fact that she's going to go do those kinds of things regardless of if you approve of it or not. Its better to be able to object in an adult manner by saying the bad things that could happen to her, but make it her decision to not go and not yours.