Is this guy innocent or is he lying?

Question

I emailed the contents of the loveletter(she intended to give it to him but did not) my wife wrote to her married classmate and asked him what the hell he was upto.He says he was not aware of her feelings and that he only moved with her as a friend.The letter was full of passion and she says at the very beginning that all that they talked on net does appears as a lie,not from her side but his and why she does not wish to dominate his wife(he is married 14years and 2 kids as in our case) and how she needs and loves him and asking him not to forget her.She says she has not been in touch with guy and he also says the same. If he is innocent ,I dont know why he cut it off.He met her in a resort when he came here to take his wife and kids with him.They met 14 years after college days and the guy was in love with my wife then though she chose me.He says they only shared family problems and that he never even uttered love to her which she also says.How could she write such a letter without it

He was lecturing about trust and love and other things as if I am the cause and effect of her affair.

Answer 1

Ive read all your questions, and you are really confused, arent you? I tend to agree with one answerer when he/she said maybe get some counselling. In one of your questions you said you abused her for 5 years.....is that what she told you, or is that what you are feeling? Sometimes spouses have a great way of putting the guilt on the other person. One thing is for sure, your head is a mess....like a jigsaw puzzel wtih no pieces falling into place. You need some help to sort this thing out....a counsellor can help you put the pieces into place. Have you ever thought that maybe this confusion stems from your own guilt? Your wife obviously has told this man what she has had to endure from you and thats the reason he is blaming you for everything. Sounds to me like your wife is blaming you for everything too. Whatever you did, she obviously has not let go of. Unless, whatever the problem with the both of you is resolved and I trully do suggest counselling, then I think she is going to be doing things to make you pay for her hurt for the rest of your lives. If she believes you treated her so badly, but has stayed married to you, then she has to let go of the past. Not many marriages survive if professional intervention isnt sort when one party has been hurt. She chose to stay in the marriage and she has to accept responsibility for that. You cannot pay for whatever you did for the rest of your life. You gave me best answer in the question about who should be responsible for her emotional affair. Your answer cofused me a little bit because you said, yes it was her choice, but only after giving it careful consideration.....what did you mean by that? Did you mean she weighed up how much hurt you have caused her to decide to have her affair? That is still not right....she is punishing you and blaming you for the hurt you caused her. She has to stop doing this.....both of you really do need some professional intervention here.....she sounds totally confused, as do you. I think the guy is lying, unless your wife is a total moron, which I dont believe she is.....why would she write such a loving letter to a man who has given her no encouragement.

I think the whole problem lies in the fact that she hasnt let get and dealt with the hurt that you caused. She should have left you if she was hurt so much because what she is doing now is causing a lot of emotional doubts, especially on your behalf, You both need some closure with whatever hurt has been caused. What she is doing is very destructive, but the thing that I am picking up on is that you believe you deserve it.

I think its time you put your cards on the table and said enough is enough and accept the fact that this has gone on long enough. I honestly would make an appointment with a counselllor as soon as possible because unless the pieces of the jigsaw puzzel start going into place, you are going to go mad. Its time to stop this confusion because the way you are thinking and the way your wife is behaving is so destructive. Get some professional help before you go both go insane.

If you are really sorry for what hurt you caused her, then you shouldnt have to pay for your sins for the rest of your life. You need counselling man..help yourself to sort this out and admit its time for some professional intervention.

ou are carrying too much guilt, its time to unburden it.

Answer 2

It's easy to tell someone what to do , it's harder to actually do it. I will tell you this. I've known people who questioned their relationship when they where getting attracted to someone new. The other broke up with the one who was confused, moved out and started dating other people. Well, the one who was loosing interest in the first place realized the grass was not greener on the other side. After much talking and communication about what a relationship was about they got back together and eventually married. In other word my friend. Sometimes a break up makes everything clear and is the deciding factor in getting back or losing forever.

Answer 3

Sounds like you were a victim of Lies by both. Neither is "innocent" from what I read in what you questioned. I wouldn't trust either as far as I could throw my Ford F-150 4 x 4 Pick-Up Truck!

Answer 4

It looks like you're asking the same question over and over. Maybe it's time for you to get counseling, either with or without your wife. It will cost you, but it will give you an answer you can rely on.

Answer 5

You should have copied the email to his wife so he has to deal with his side of the mess. Believe me, things clear up in a hurry.

Answer 6

mmmm sounds a bit fishy to me maybe they have both cooked this coverup together.. You have a bit to sort through