Should mothers work outside the home?

Question

One aspect of the Tara Grant murder that has bothered me is the fact that this woman had several au pairs coming in to the home and was often out of the country on business trips. I only want to draw on this woman's life (not her horrible death) as a launching point for what I think is an important debate. Call me old fashioned and traditional but I personally do not think a woman can make her children, her husband and her home her first priority when she hires people to care for her children and her home while she is away long hours. I find it a bit selfish when a woman gives birth to children but then for whatever reason has no desire to actually MOTHER them and pays other women to mother them for her while she climbs the corporate ladder. I think if you decide to have children, YOU should parent them. Not some au pair from some foreign country.

Why is staying home and being the one to actually mother and raise your children equal to "the end of life?" THAT is ridiculous! Being a mother is a gift from God and should be treated as such and not as a part time job you can come and go from as you please!

Miki-I am not putting any blame on women or excusing any men for anything. I personally think it is ideal when MOM can stay home and take care of her children that came from HER body. But in those few instances where the woman can make significantly more than the man then yes, of course the dad should stay home. When it comes right down to it, a PARENT should stay home for those few short years when they are young. But typically, I think MOMMY can do it best! Certainly better than hired help. There is no replacement for the love of a mom-or dad. Bottom line!

Answer 1

I'm sure, but I sometimes think women should choose between a)having a career and lots of freedom and b) having children.

I love my freedom, spending the money I make, and just being my own person. Therefore, I'm not gonna have kids..

If I ever did, though, I would raise them and be there for them. I might have a job but it wouldn't be very many hours and I would NOT go away on long business trips all the time. Not to say that would be an excuse for my husband to chop me up into tiny bits....

Answer 2

Well, now....working moms are bad mothers? Ok...two income homes are a requirement nowadays if you want to make sure your children are provided for. Average single income is what $1500, maybe $2000? Rent or martgage (3 bd home $800-$1500 a month), add food ($300-400, if not more), add utilities (everything $300, give or take...), toiletries ($40?) clothing for kids (say $100 every few months, depending on how young they are). Medical insurance ($200, depending on how many dependents) My point: Unless you have a job that pays you more than $5000 a month, how can one survive? In this day and age, you need two incomes. I had no choice to go back to work when my daughter was 6 wks old. We lived in a state where the cost of living is outrageous. I worked until she was almost 2. I did the stay at home mom thing and I discovered that my husband seemed to think that when I went to bed at night was my "me time". He was able to go and do whatever he wanted but I was supposed to stay at home. I felt like a single parent. Well, now I am a single parent and I am working again after more than a year and a half. But not all of us "pawn our child off to others". Her and I live with my mother and father. My mom and my grandmother help me with watching my child. I refuse to put her in childcare or hire a sitter. But you shouldn't bash working moms because we don't conform to what you think is right. Get out of the dark ages.

Answer 3

What about the fathers? What about making enough money to keep your kids in a comfortable environment? Yes i think mothers need to spend time with children but you also have to take in other factors. There is nothing wrong with stay at home dads or nannys as long as the mother does make time for her kids. I personally don't think long business trips should be taken when the kids are younger.
You have to remember that both parents (usually) make the decsion to have kids. So stop putting crap on mothers just because they are trying to find a balance in their lives. How is that being selfish? Maybe they are trying to stop themselves going insane. Guys have just as much responsibility to look after children so I don't think you should be trying to make mothers feel guilty for wanting a career and a family.

Answer 4

Ridiculous! A woman isn't put on earth to be subsurviant to her family! She's an integral part of the family unit, that should also be allowed to follow career or educational dreams. Most working mothers today are employed because the days of a single income providing enough to provide a decent lifestyle are gone! Birth doesn't necessarily mean the end of life as women knew it....that's archaic thinking!

Answer 5

I am going the same way that I answered the same one that you posted in a different catagory, because I really think that some people need to hear this message and really, we're all moms and we all need to support eachother:

First off, I am a working mom. I work 40 plus hours a week at a job that I hate. I would give ANYTHING to be able to be able to stay home with my daughter, but regardless of what you may think, for some families, it's just not possible. My husband and I both have to work full time. We don't have ANY luxuries, we work to pay for our bills. Now before you make a judgement that we're way over our heads in debt, we're not. Actually all we have is my husband's truck payment (on which he owes 10K, my car which I have had since highschool is long since paid for), our house payment (and we live in a small house which we bought for $58,000 dollars), and our utilities (which I might add does not include ANY extras such as cable or cell phones - just water and sewer, gas, electricity and a land phone). So that's it - just 1 car payment, house payment and utilities. Without my income, there is NO WAY that we would be able to pay our bills. We don't go out to eat, we don't buy prepared meals, we don't go out EVER to do anything entertainment wise, nor do we buy name brand clothes - it's usually garage sales or the rescue mission sales for clothing. We don't have nice furniture - it's all 2nd hand, our television is the same 20" Sharp that I was given as a gift for my highschool graduation a long time ago, nor do we have any high tech "gadgets". We don't go on vacations - not even weekend trips. The truth is is that both my husband and I have to work to pay for the bills and that's just the way it is. We love our daughter more than anything and we love spending time with her. Like I said, I would give anything to stay home with her and take care of her, but it is just not possible. I wish that people would just stop judging eachother! I am so tired of being judged for working and tired of other people judging SAHMs in return. We all work hard and do what we need to do to survive. If you are fortunate enough to be able to stay home with your kids or find a job with opposite hours of your spouse so that someone can be home during the day, then more power to ya. But, I will tell you this - please don't judge other people or insult them until you have walked in their shoes. My husband and I have analyzed every aspect of our finances as to how I could stay home with my daughter, and even though we are on a very strict budget, there is just no possible way that it can work. Don't attack people who have to work for a living - they are doing the best that they can do!

Also, just thought you might like to know that I am NOT "climbing that corporate ladder" I work at a crappy, thankless $8 / hour job. I also don't think that someone else can take better care of my child - I wish I could be there for her more, to raise her, guide her. Some people need two incomes, it's a fact of life. I know that my beautiful daughter is a treasure and a gift from God and I love her with my whole heart. I also think that your comment was very rude and ignorant and hateful. I mean, why would you even imply that just because two parents work it means that they don't love or care about their kids? Some people need that to be able to scrape by.

But, we live in a free country and everyone's entitled to freedom of speech. So, whatever, but we're all on the same team - so why can't we just all support eachother? Come on people!

Answer 6

It is to each Mom to decide whether or not to work outside the home or not. My Mom did not work outside the home when I grew up, but that was a different generation altogether. Times have changed and 2 incomes are necessary these days. Not every working Mom can have the luxury of live in help either. I was fortunate enough to only have to work part time after my daughter started school.

Answer 7

I guess I'm old fashioned too. I was stay at home mom for 5 of my 7 years of marriage. But I did take a PART time job to give myself some grown up conversation and my child a break from me as well (not to mention that we needed the extra income). But my children stay with grandparents while I work. I WANT to be the one that is with my child during most of his waking hours.

Answer 8

I totally disagree with you. A working mother loves her children as much as a stay at home mom. Plus some mothers work out of necessity. Some woman aren't as lucky as having a good man that will support them. While others prefer to work and have children. Its not right to pass judgement like you have.

Answer 9

I agree with you 100%. If you want children then you should raise them. I don't like or believe that you should have children and then pawn them off on someone else to raise. The two income thing is a cop-out. Material things are more important than their children. If not, then you would not care that you don't live in really nice homes, nice cars, etc... That is what the two incomes are for-to be able to provide yourself and your family with things you didn't have or want them to have the same as you. What happened to family values-look at the schools now with our kids. Times have changed only because "we" have changed them. Children need their mothers home raising them the right way not pawning them off from one to the next. That's when you have the problems with your children. One more thing, think about it, we all say we need two incomes in order to live or make it in today's world. Maybe just maybe if more women stayed home with their children there would be more jobs for men and better pay....... Feminism.... Yes, I am a 34 year old woman but I do have strong morals and values when it comes to raising my children.. Your children should come first. (except in extreme cases where one is ill, disabled, etc....) Just my opinion-not anyone else's -just my own..

Answer 10

I have been on both sides of this predicament and I can say, without a doubt, that if you are going to take on the responsibility of having children YOU, their mother, should be the one to care for them. I worked for a long time with my first daughter, I had to because I had no choice. I am now a stay at home mom and I am NOT subserviant to my husband like so many people want to think. We do this because it is what is BEST for our kids, we do this because no one, not even family, can love your children and care for them like you can. God gave you a gift, a life, to be responsible for and it does not surprise me at all that so many kids are growing up the way they are with so many mothers giving birth and then pawning their kids off on relatives and day cares so they can go out and continue on with their lives. I love my life, and I know without a doubt that my kids are #1 in my life. I can go to sleep peacefully every night knowing that. Ask yourselves this one question...Would you give your life for your child? If you answered yes then DO IT. Don't step in front of a stray bullet, give your life for them so that they can be the future of this country and be children to be proud of!