Why do young marriages fail? (or marriage in college)?

Question

There are questions on here asking for opinions about young marriages, and the favorite response is: "Don't do it; it'll end in disaster." My question is: why? What is it about young marriages that dooms them to failure? Also, what becomes more difficult being married in college than college or marriage alone? I'm looking for specific reasons or problems that young couples face, or stories of why young marriages have failed.

Answer 1

in this country over half of all marriages fail b/c we live in a world that says its OK to give up when times are rough (a disposable world) and when both people are in collage or are not very mature to start with it can be hard not to listen to the world. I've been married for 1 1/2 years and we were only 22. We made a commitment before God and that is was will keep us together.

Answer 2

I don't think it has anything to do with college at all, it's the age. You are not the same person at 20 that you are at 30. Your tastes change, your styles change and your beliefs change among many other things. The guy I married when I was 20 is someone that I wouldn't even look twice at now. It was a mistake, it was more of the idea of being married that drew me in. Now I am married to the right guy and it's so much better. I truly believe there should be an older age limit on marriage. 30 is good because you are out of the "selfish phase" in life once you graduate from your 20's.

Answer 3

Well Personally it is not true that all young marriages fail. I have been married for 6 years to my husband I met when I was 18 and I have two girls with him and even with kids we make it work. My opinion is that people of the younger generation, generally speaking, are to self centered and aren't willing to put the time and hard work needed to really develop a healthy relationship. I also think there is a higher demand to be a work -a-holic so there is too much time spent apart. Time is the most important, living each day presently and mindful of one another and the willingness to talk through problems instead of just quitting.

Answer 4

I've never been married before and neither have I been to college... but my guess is they fail because since you're in college, you've got a pretty heavy schedule and there's lots of stress involved with this-- to have all that on your shoulders with the responsibility of a marriage involved could break a person down and lead the commitment to failure and total disaster.

But in my honest opinion, I don't see why it wouldn't work out-- if you wanted to get married in the first place, then you should deal with it, work through it and support eachother.
That's part of what marriage is about- if you don't help eachother then you don't deserve a relationship at all, much less marriage.

Being committed to any ONE person can be complicated; life itself is complicated so there's no point in saying "I'M NOT DATING/GETTING MARRIED ECT." because things don't always run smoothly.

The point of life is to grow, screw up and learn from your mistakes and keep moving on with that certain someone-- lend eachother a shoulder to cry on or the shirt off your back.

If it gets tough?
Suck it up and deal with it the best you can unless there's absolutely NO way in hell to resolve something-- but something like that is pretty damn slim unless they attempt murder or some $hit.

Answer 5

This is something you and your husband should calmly discuss. Resentment does destroy a relationship, and it is normal to question if the love was ever there. The pushing and shoving is a very bad sign of what is to come. It is hard to let go and the grief of the loss of a relationship is a heavy burden, but you will pull through. If you have tried counseling, and still do not feel like you are on the same side, it could be time to go your seperate ways. There may be a womens group for support, or divorce recovery. As far as the relationship he has with his daughter, men tend to bod with their daughters when they are 4 or 5, when the daughter becomes more interested in what dad is doing. Have you tried counseling seperately? Please take the time to discuss your relationship with your husband calmly and privately... even if you have to do it somewhere public to prevent a fight for breaking out. maybe even a trial seperation? Have you finished college? Maybe he would like the oppurtunity to continue his education when you finish school. Then it would be your turn to work, and he would be able to dissolve that resentment. The physical violence HAS TO STOP though, you both should know that by fighting and becoming violent, not only are you teaching your daughter that it's ok to act this way, but to be treated this way. I'm sure your husband would not like the idea of his daughter letting someone hurt her because she thought it was acceptible, "if you love him" just like momma loved daddy.

Answer 6

"Common Sense" (above user) obviously hasn't looked at marriage sttistics. Marriages among 20 somethings fail more than 70% of the time in North America. It's dismall these days.

Without putting on my socioligist hat and talking about our changing views of relationships and divorce, I'd like to point out why 20-somethings have such a more miserable record:

Despite the fact that our views toward marriages and happiness and divorce have changed, 20-somethings are steeped in romantic mythos thanks to Hollywood romantic comedies and TV sitcoms. To make matters worse, they probably had terrible role models for what makes a modern relationship endure.

By the time folks get into their 40s, the odds of getting divorced have declined to around 30% if both partners married at 40 or above.

Conclusion: some of us are learning something along the way about who is going to make a good partner in a marriage and aren't marrying partners that won't make it through the long-haul (and death comes sooner for 40 somethings).

Have a nice day.

Answer 7

I don't really believe that it is just young marriages. it could be any if you are not ready to except each others changes through life. marriage is not just about love it is forever. i belive more couples should take marriage classes through there church. i think there statistics of marriage is better than just going out and getting married. and yes religion is extremely important always marry a person of God. and marriage is a give and take. always a sacrifice. but through the years it makes you appreciate each other more. I've been married for 15 years.

Answer 8

I think marriages in general, not just young ones, fail because of the fairly new idea of equality between man and woman. Women have never before been so powerful. They can even hyphenate names in marriage now. I compare today's marriages to the cold war. America and the Soviet Union were two giant world powers. We were both threatened by each other because we were equal. If one of us were inferior, we wouldn't dare attack a superior country, and we both wanted to establish ourselves as a better nation, to avoid war, and partly for bragging rights. It's the same today. With woman's new role in Western society as equal to a man, it's harder to keep a marriage together because equal power will always lead to disputes. What do I mean by power? Choosing where to eat, how to discipline a child, when to have sex, what to name a child. It used to be men do this, women do that. Men are better at this, women are better at that. Men decide this, women decide that. Now anyone can do anything, and don't always agree with their spouse. Disagreements lead to resentment, and resentment leads to people wanting divorces. Not that women shouldn't have rights, it is just simply my BELIEF that equality is bad for compatibility, which is why marriages fail. Not because young people don't know what love is or we don't take marriage as seriously or any of that bullshit. That's my take.

Answer 9

I met my future husband at 17. I was engaged by 19, married by 20. Bought our first house together almost 3 years ago. I'm young, also a step-mom. (Yes, we've had all the trying times with the ex) We are incredibly happy. His parents married even younger and have been together for 30 years. Who says young marriages don't work- it depends on the individuals...

Answer 10

well.. let's see. . my husband and i got married in college and we've been married for 2 years now.. (together for 4).. we have a great marriage... that said, i think that most 'young' marriages fail b/c the people getting married are too young (like the new MTV show 'ENGAGED AND UNDERAGE' i bet most of those marriages end in divorce.. when you're in high school you have no idea who you are or what you want out of life. now, i think college (especially in your last year or so) you know who you are and where you're heading in life, and then it's perfectly fine to get married.. not all marriages of older people work out either.