I am trying to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship.......?

Question

I have already found an apartment and plan to move in 3 weeks but this is turning into 3 weeks in hell with my "boyfriend". He is going back and forth from crying and apologetic to nasty and cruel. He says that I am hurting him and he does not want me to leave. I cannot forget or forgive 6 years of this emotional turmoil. He is supposedly talking to counsellors but what they are telling him according to what he tells me does not sound like something a counsellor would say. How do I survive these 3 weeks till I can move, I have no where else to go?!

Answer 1

First, look at justlooki's answer. Okay? It's very wise. Two specific things I focused on. #1. Do NOT wait 3 weeks.#2. This person very obviously has psychological issues, & they are UNPREDICTABLE. Please don't risk for ONE moment what he might be capable of doing. I'm very familiar with this kind of person. Please don't forewarn him, take the very least you need & go to a shelter, which is prorbably better than staying with a friend, where he could track you. THEY DO. If necessary, say there is no time when he's not around--get the police to be WITH you when you get your things. If you fear him, & you do have valid reason with his flip flopping (so common!) also remember restraining orders rarely work. They most often antagonize, & irrational passions take over. Think of yourself as IN HIDING. & in the long run of things, if it's possible, & I were you, I'd move AWAY as soon as I could. I'm not trying to scare you. I've seen some awful things happen in situations like you've described. Please, don't stick it out for three weeks, or three days. You DO have somewhere else to go, & do so as soon as possible. My very best of "luck" to you--be wise, control this & live for a better life. (Ensure you have a "life" to live.)

Edit: I'm truly concerned about you, & after looking at more answers, I only want to strongly advise that until--which I hope will be immediate--you're prepared to leave, don't give him any reason to think anything has "changed." That would be a very hot spot. If you email, please feel free to get in touch with me. Okay?

Answer 2

First of all, congratulations on the apartment and taking the brave step to get the hell out....it takes b*lls of steel. Are there no local women's shelters, a friend or co-worker that can take you in for a few weeks...even a neighbor? The problem is he will most likely become more violent as the days draw nearer to your moving date. Now this sounds underhanded, but considering the possible danger, you could tell him you've changed your mind and are staying. When the time comes then run like hell. There is a reason so many women are slaughtered each year by abusive ex-lovers....because the women left. Try your best to contact anyone trustworthy....explain the situation and offer to help pay with expenses for a short 3 weeks.....and keep checking with women's shelters. Hell, at this point even living in your car might be better. Be very watchful of him.....and best of luck with your new life.

Answer 3

Toll Free Nationwide Helpline: 1-888-743-5754

Call this number when he leaves the house and have a bag packed and extra money if you have it. After you are safely away do not call back from the shelter. Hopefully you can get the local police to escort you back to pick up the rest of your things. Emotional abuse can turn violent if they feel you are leaving.

Good luck to you, I had to walk out of a 19 year marriage with the clothes on my back and I have never looked back and I feel great about my decision and my life.

Answer 4

Ask your self these question."would I be better off without him."Do I love him,do I want to spend the rest of my life in an abusive relationship.?"It seems to me though you are already on the right path.You do not have to stay in caustic environment.Please go to your nearest Women's Place.You can take refuge there untill your apartment is ready.In this day and age there is no excuse to remain in an abusive relationship.Get out and do not look back.You are a good and loving person you do not need to be treated this way.

Answer 5

first of all, "WELL DONE, YOU!" you have taken the first steps to move away from this abusive relationship, this is going to be a difficult 3 weeks for you and i agree with most of these postings that have suggestions on what you could do in the next 3 weeks. try to stay out of the house as much as you can, maybe do a little overtime at work? go to friends for dinner and maybe you could stay over once or twice? i would also try and get as much of your belongings as you can out of the place your at now, could you stash them at a Friends or even work? he'll probably get worse when he realizes you are definitely going, you've probably been through similar situations with him before and stayed with him. also i would recommend catching up with as many friends as you can cos even when you've moved its still going to be hard for you and you'll need the support. usually in relationships like this you lose your friends along the way. i wish you much luck. sue x

Answer 6

There is always somewhere else to go make sure that things do not get to heated.. Abuse is abuse and ALWAYS gets worse.. Right now you in a bad postion.. Talk to some friends and have another plan even if your on a couch somewhere for 3 weeks your out of the hell from him.. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 7

If you are in a situation like that, then you need to take a few clothes with you and go to the nearest women's shelter. You can find them in your phone book. Do what ever it takes to get yourself out of there and to somewhere safe. Don't let anyone know where you are going.

Don't let yourself be another statistic, do this right away, don't wait 3 weeks.

Answer 8

There's always somewhere else to go to get away from abuse. It could be a friend's home, a family member's, or a women's shelter. It is not good to stay another day because as he sees you are serious about leaving, he may get desperate and physically hurt you. You can wait until he is away from home and get out then! You can always get the police to go back with you for your things.

Answer 9

I've had a similar situation, including being stalked at work and while eating out. I doubt he changes with counseling that quickly. Just set your mind to moving out and follow through on it. He will eventually get the point. If not do what is necessary to make sure your safe. Good Luck!

Answer 10

no relatives you can stay with for 3 weeks? or a friend? looks like you have had enough for 6 yrs. surprised you stayed that long. abuser men seldom change. if he is saying things that a counselor supposedly said, and it doesn;t sound normal he could be lying and not seeing anyone. just telling you that so you would reconsider and stay thinking he is getting help.