We've been together (secretly) for over 5 years. We are both married (not to each other) and have children

Question

WE LOVE EACH OTHER.... What can we do. She can't leave him with fear that he'll take her daughter away. I have 5 children, I can leave and still be financial set. WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

Answer 1

OMG you are a waste of perfectly good penis.Ok maybe thats a little high school but I dont care.You Do know the answer to this.You KNOW you should either confess and get help(if your wife was a better person than me she'd stay)or just leave and set her free.Why are you wasting her life away ??????Does she think somethings going on or is she in complete dark?How is this fair to your children when they get older they WILL find out about this gross act you are doing and they will be MORE hurt older than yunger they may even HATE you for doing this to their mother whom they love.It would be better for you to grow some balls and admit you are in the wrong and set her free to find someone who TRULY loves her.You dont really love your wife or your misstress if you did LOVE your wife you WOULD HAVE NEVER cheated on her (I know sometimes you may be tempted but you wouldnt have fell into it)and if you "really loved"your misstress you would leave your wife for her (WHICH IS WRONG I am not saying it's ok to cheat )So realy you dont "love"either one of them.I am sure you "feel "you love your children also but how can you love them and them drop this kind of bomb shell on them?Marriage takes work...Every man (and woman )can be tempted you have to over come that.I also want to know.did you have any children with your WIFE while having this act you call love with your misstress?If so how sad.I really feel for your wife she is probably at home taking care of your children and trying to please you and here you reward her by this.Like I said before Either ask for forgiveness or leave.TRUST me it is better to leave when the kids are young rather than older even if they cant fully understand.I also think yes maybe your wife would file for full custody but as a man who did what you did you should give it to her but i am sure she would give yuo visitaion rights.It sounds like the kids would be better off with her anyway beingsshe sounds more stable than you.Sorry if I have offended you(oh no I am not)but truth hurts huh?

Answer 2

Realize one of the most important things about this relationship and it is that if either party is willing to do this and continue to live another life with their legitimate partner, then none of these two would be able to be faithful to each other if they decided to get together. They are both capable of cold blooded treason. They are also enjoying the sexual rush of secret lust. Whenever there is a risk of getting caught, or a a knowledge that the sex is forbidden, then this makes it more exiting since both sex and fear share the same sense of euphoria (a rush of adrelanaline that makes you high) So everytime you get together, you are enjoying the rush similar to doing it for the first few times with a person. I don't know whether this is inmoral, since morals have a cultural definition - and it may be perfectly acceptable to some or to at least one of you two. However, there is a high probability that one of you two is, has been, unfaithful to one another with a third party. The reason being that one, both of you, has become addicted to the high of secret sex. If that is the case, the chances of the spread of sexually transmitted diseases such as clamidia, ghonorrea, syphyllis, or even HIV is very likely - as it is the case of the rampart infidelity in South Africa, Brazil, and some countries of eastern Europe. I know this was a mouthfull, but you are, in a nutshell, better off cutting out this highly risky behavior before it proves tragic for all involved.

Answer 3

I think your old enough to know the answer to this question. As a matter of fact, you probably have known for some time now what the answer is. If you, "REALLY," loved this other woman you would have changed things years ago. Problem is now your to deep into this relationship emotionally. I mean, you have to think about it, your wife, if she is the mother of all 5 of your children, then this lady should have been told a long time ago. If nothing else out of respect for her giving you 5 blessings. Now that, is love sir. I don't really believe you, "love" this other woman, I believe you are in, "lust," with her. Otherwise you would have done the right thing and left your car parked in only one garage.

Answer 4

It's so easy for people to judge you, but when feelings are involved it is very difficult to make decisions. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have an affair especially when the both have you have children. However, there must have been something missing in your lives to risk your marriage. Both of you need to sit down and really think about the consequences and where you want this relationship to go. Weight the pros and cons. Remember to consider the well being of the children. This may be one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make in your life. Good luck!

Answer 5

Boy what a mess you both have gotten yourselves into here. You each should actually break it off with each other for now and work on your marriages or tell your spouses about things and both of you file for divorce. The decision is up to you and i cannot make or choose it for you. He cannot just take her daughter away from her if she is a good mom.

Answer 6

Ahhh the self righteousness drips from every answer on here. Seems like there are few answers but many judgements made towards you and your dilemma.
Haven't got a clue for you. 5 kids? Your screwed if it comes out. Your screwed if you stay in knowing that you love another woman than your wife. Don't be so sure about financial security, if it comes to divorce, you are going to get taken to the cleaners.

Answer 7

You really want to know what to do? Are you really going to take our advice here?

Here is my opinion. You need to be with your wife and kids. You need to leave this woman alone so she can live her life with her husband and kids. What you are doing is totally wrong and dishonest to your wife and kids. Why in the world would you want to destroy your family over another woman? Don't you see that if you leave them, you will destroy them forever? Are they not important to you that you want them out of your life?

Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your family. If you wanted to screw around, then you shouldn't have gotten married. You are not a good father or husband right now, but you can, by leaving this woman and become that. So, you have a decision to make. I really hope it is to stay with your wife and kids. Because they are the ones who need you the most.

I would consider on reading these two books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

It will be sad to know that your children and wife will suffer because of this.

Answer 8

Ok...yes you should be ashamed. Total lack of respect for the mother of your children. If you love this other woman, then you need to leave your wife. Give her the chance to move on in her life. You are being so unfair to her. I know because my ex cheated on me and I kicked him out. I am glad that I did because now I can move on. I agree with the others. IF the other woman really loves you , she would leave her husband. Give her a time limit. Meantime you need to come clean to your wife. You are being unfair to everyone in this mess including yourself. Good luck

Answer 9

first of all if you are so in love with each other then why are you
sneaking around for 5 years, that not right, it sound like you
both need to think about the other that invovled in this mess.
if you want to be together then do what need to be done. instead
of making excuses why you cant. time to deal with this or time
to let it go. it been too long for this to continue.

Answer 10

If you're that financially set, then consult a lawyer....find out what her rights are and go from there. Unless she's a crack ho or abusive to her child, there generally isn't a court in the land that would take away a child because of "adulterous" reasons.