...your husband was a disappointment in the holding down a job department (a.k.a. a 'bum,') was destroying your financial life and you resented him for having to live w/ your parents, but you weren't sure if you could break his heart because he loves you so much? No kids, been together 2 1/2 yrs., married for 6 mos.
2007-03-05 15:18:12 · 28 answers · asked by hmm 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I shouldnt' have asked this question- I'm drunk and can't fill everyone in on the specifics, so no thanks for the criticism. :-D If you really care though feel free to look up my previous question, the same one but with details!
2007-03-05 15:24:15 · update #1
I am in the same situation as u r with my husband i would like to get advice as well but i am considering divorce. I just cant take it anymore.
2007-03-05 15:38:55 · answer #1 · answered by hardcore 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you know all this before you married the guy? Jobs come and go, love sticks around. Help him find work. He's gotta be feeling really low not being able to provide anything for his new wife.
Give him consequences if he doesn't follow through on what you ask. I don't think he wants to hear he's a big failure at any point in your relationship.
A divorce isn't the answer. Yeah, it's the quick way to get rid of the problem, but I think you'd be better off helping him find work, and move out of your parents house! You are in this marriage too, what are you contributing? You say he's draining you financailly. Sorry, but the "worse" is showing up sooner than you thought. Hang in there, support him, and wait for some "better" in this new marriage.
2007-03-05 23:25:38 · answer #2 · answered by daughter_helping 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Before I would divorce him, I would have a gentle but serious talk with him. I would tell him that I would not continue to live with a man who would not work, no matter how much I loved him. I'd give him a reasonable amount of time to prove that he would work at a regular job. Otherwise, you are going to have a hard, hard life and you will resent him. Over time as you realize all you're missing by not having financial security (which you'll need if you have children) and you will lose your respect for him and with no respect, love will vanish. You can't have any feeling of self worth living with your parents. If he didn't shape up, I would ship out!
2007-03-05 23:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you look up the road to your possible future what do you see. Do you see things getting better with you and your hubby?
Did he have a problem in the job dept during the 2 1/2 yrs before you were married? I wonder why his love for you doesn't motivate him to take care of you and to look good in your eyes?
If you don't see things getting any better,you have the choise of dealing with it now though it would be painful, or you can do nothing and endure pain and unhappiness for years to come.
It's up to you my dear. I wish you the best
2007-03-05 23:50:07 · answer #4 · answered by doggybag300 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. You are in this together not just him. Remember you married him 'for better or worse'. You need to stand by him in what ever decisions are being made. So, he made a few mistakes, he is not perfect. We all make mistakes and learn from them on not making the same mistake again. You as his wife need to support him on what he does. Living with in-laws isn't fun, but you need to be polite and be thankful you have a place to stay. You both need to be strong, because it will only be for awhile not for the rest of your life. Look on the bright side!
Don't leave just because he made a few mistakes. You need to help him, because this is a time that he will need you for support, not to put him down and nag at him. Be that loving wife to him, show him love no matter what the situation is, that's what keeps you both going.
Remember, tough times do happen, but it is worth it when both of you work together as a 'team'. (smile)
2007-03-05 23:29:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow Honey..first HUG!!! If i were in your shoes I would have a heart to heart talk with him. I would give him 6 months to shape up, grow up or you are moving out! And plan on moving out!!! Make plans that is. Start looking for a place to live, save money, get a second job..whatever it takes. Show him you are serious. Then when the 6 months is up and he stil doesn't have a job...then MOVE OUT!!! Good Luck!!
2007-03-05 23:32:51 · answer #6 · answered by mysweetluvie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on why he isn't working. I had a bout with serious depression that at times made getting out of bed a serious feat. My (now ex) wife never encouraged me to seek the help that I needed. She only ridiculed me for it. Hind sight being 20-20 if she tried understanding the situation we might still be together. If he isn't working because he is lazy try talking first also.
2007-03-06 00:37:56 · answer #7 · answered by Rev. Vlad 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two are just starting out. Looks like he recently left my beloved Navy (was he fired for being late there also?) and you decided to keep him. I think you should keep him, but you have the right to tell him to get up off his dead ****, get a job and keep one if he expects to keep you.
I love video games and my wife used to challenge me about that, but I was pulling 12 hour Navy watches and she was home. Now my son is 8 and I share that with him. He's a selfish bum for doing stuff at home you cannot be a part of.
2007-03-05 23:30:38 · answer #8 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
get out before you do have kids.
Even considering divorce suggests a severe lack of everything required to make a marriage work.
That scenario is multiplied exponentially by one fact. The only reason you think of to stay is an unwillingness to break his heart?
You're not doing him any favors, trust me.
2007-03-05 23:51:02 · answer #9 · answered by WHATEVER 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we all have our ups and downs. talk to your husband, and tell him how you feel. Marriage is not easy, don't give up. If you want kids, hold off on that for now(If it doesn't work you will avoid more heartache for everyone). I would give it more time though and if things get worse or he doesn't change I would consider getting counseling. Everyone has a limit to the b.s but don't give up. Trust me you will know when it's time to let it go.
2007-03-06 00:34:42 · answer #10 · answered by JESS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋