How can i best help my daughter?

Question

My sixteen year old daughter just called me. She's been missing for two weeks. She runs away all the time to live on the streets, do drugs and carry on without rules to protect her. I've done all that I can think of to do to help her, including foster homes, residential treatment centers, etc. Now she's apologizing and wants to come home. She stole her six year old brother's life savings before she ran this time, and took a fifteen year old girl with her. She convinced her to run away with her by telling her that her stepdad hits her- which he doesn't do- and then got that girl into a very dangerous situation in which she was harmed. My daughter didn't mention what happened to her friend except to say that she "wussed out" and is acting like it's no big deal. I did not tell her I knew about it. My daughter has been in therapy since she was four, but it hasn't helped. She's cold. She's going to be here in the morning to talk, and I don't know what to do. My family's scared of her.

Answer 1

I would really advise you to put her into Juvi, just kind of set her up like when she calls and ask you to pick her up ask where she will be then contact the police and report her as a runaway and tell them you want her put into Juvi or you could send her to a camp for kids who do drugs and runaway or put her into a rehab center that she can not check herself out of.

I know all of those things will be hard for you to do but I think it is the only way to get her help, I am sure you do not want to get a call one day telling you your daughter was found dead in an alley by a drug overdose and if she keeps going the way she is that is whats going to happen.

Your daughter is going to hate you for a while but she will get over it, she needs you, she may not realize it but she needs you more now then ever. You need to get her help and if it means putting her in Juvi or a Rehab center or a camp for kids on drugs then so be it.

Answer 2

I too was in this same situation, only my daughter was 19, an honor roll student in 2nd year of college. Oh the terrible things that happened. She was later diagnosed as bipolar and manic depression. I thought it might be drugs that made her the way she was, but was told by many therapists otherwise. She was wise on how to get those drugs that are only available to patients. Boy I was fooled every time. But finally we just cut her off. All the family. It worked. She is in nursing school and engaged to be married at age 26. Yes it took this long to get there. I know exactly how you feel and when drugs are involved there is no real intervention except to turn it over to professionals. Even then nothing really works, she will just have to face her self and figure it out. Don't blame yourself, some things are out of our control. But she is 16 and to turn her away would probably be against the law or something. You may have to tolerate it until you can legally kick her out. While she is there. hide all meds, all money, checks everything, she will take anything to obtain what she needs, and I do mean everything of value. So sorry for your troubles just know you are not alone, and it is not your fault, no matter what she tells you.

Answer 3

WOW so sorry for your troubles. My opinion is see if she is willing to go inpatient treatment. If she is she will have to work very hard to regain trust etc. My daughter took almost 3 weeks of inpatient before she started to see all the things she was destroying in her life by her actions. Most of her problems were handled with that treatment but she had a few relapses. She is now 30 and doing fine.
Your family must get help to deal with this and your daughter must do and show alot of work...no typical teen lip service, but real work to earn the trust needed to welcome her home where you truelly want her.
Hope all goes well with you and your family.

Answer 4

Find a good military school...no, just give he time to cool down. Is there anything that brings on these run away spells? Next time you see her getting ready to run, buy a gift card to McDonalds, Subway, something so at least while she's on the street you know she can eat. If she is going to rebell there is no real way to stop her. The more control you put on her the harder she will fight you. Just relax and tell her she has done this to herself and see if she's ready to change.

Answer 5

my husbands aunt and uncle had the same problem with their daughter. She was Pregnant by the time she was 17. Now she is just turning 19 and is on her second baby. My in-laws tried so hard to help her. They bought her a car, so she could go to her job(which wasn't real, she just wanted the car to sell for drugs)They rented her and the baby an apartment(which she used to hook up with the guy that got her pregnant most recently.) Your daughter is on a slippery slope. You need to get her help... And if it doesn't work this time, it might be the time to sever ties with her. My in laws had to do it with their daughter, but they had their other children to think about(she used to bring her drugged out boy friend around their 10yr old daughter and he tried to touch her once) and the family cannot take it any more. Ultimately it is your decision, but it won't be an easy one.

Answer 6

How did you let it get this bad? She needs treatment. She needs to talk to someone about what she feels. Are you giving her enough attention? She is going to end up knocked up with HIV or dead if you do not do something to change her now. Put her on a plane and ship her off to boot camp. She also needs to get a job and pay back every penny she stole, that is just awful. Sorry to sound rude, i feel for you...really. But please do something about this asap or your going to find urself in a worse situation later in time. What a mess this is. Step dads can be a bad thing, she has a lot of anger b/c of divorce. She needs help, therapy, bootcamp, talkshow, visit a prison. You need to do somethingyou are her mother....your the only one who can!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

WOW. My sister has been kind of a wacko since she was 12. (no disrespect to you intended.) I won't get into specifics about her, but I can tell you my parents never were hard enough on her. I think every child needs to be disciplined differently. Some respond to spankings, some to groundings, or timeouts. Unfortunately at 16 she will probably not respond to much of anything. My poor parents are still dealing with my sister and she is now 29. I can't deal with her and have chosen to disconnect myself from her as much as I can. She has 3 children and just got married to the youngest ones father last month. I do what I can for her kids and I give her advice over then phone from time to time. But you never know what this girl is capable of, and her mood can change in a flash. My parents biggest mistake is allowing it to continue. They do everything for her and she doesn't appreciate it. If she asks for something and they say NO she freaks out. The next day they will do something nice for her. Maybe not her original request but something just as nice.

Put a STOP to this now!. Allow her to come home while she is still in an apologetic mood and wants her mommy. Maybe something has happened to make her realize that living with you isn't so bad. Lay down the law right from the start. Tell her that due to her previous problems that she will have to re-earn your trust. And that she can't expect the rest of the family to come around even as quickly as you have. GIve her a set list of chores to do. Make her get a part time job. Do not EVER give her cash. If she needs something and you agree she needs it (clothes or whatever) go with her to get it. Put it on a credit or debit card and keep all your reciepts. This way it is harder for her to return the stuff for cash. (Cash can be used to buy drugs.) Many places make you put it back on your credit card or will only give you store credit if you return it and have paid with a credit card. Don't alow her to drive your car ever. Make her buy her own and require her to get her own insurance, buy her own gas etc. Offer to take her to work or arrange for someone else to. Don't charge her for rent, but require her to show you her paycheck stubs at least for a while so you know she is going where she is suposed to be going. Put all of this in writting and make a copy for her to keep so she can go and read it if she forgets something or claims you never said something. There is no reason for her to sign it, because you don't care if she agrees to it. It is simply the way things are going to be. I don't know what else you may have to add to this list, but this is a good start. I would also let her know that if she doesn't change her ways or keep up with what you have asked then you want her out for good. What ever you do, don't make empty threats. You have to stick to what you say. You have another child to think about as well.

Answer 8

your daughter is making adult decisions and needs to be treated like an adult. there are tough love decisions that parents must make. speak with a counselor and/or lawyer. give your daughter the resources for housing, etc and guide her in making the best decisions. you must protect your young son. this doesn't mean that you have to chose whom to love more.
sometimes, in order to love someone, we really do need to let that person go -there will be many years to heal your relationship.
take her to the ER for treatment. let the professionals take care of her needs. they are better trained.
take care of you.

Answer 9

she needs to go into a residential psychiatric facility. you may need to give up custody and let the state take care of it. I really feel for you and know that would be hard but it's better than her ending up deade on the streets.

Answer 10

I would have the cops called when she returns home. You can have her put in Juvie as a runaway. Also press charges against her for stealing her little brothers money.