To forgive or not to forgive, is this a question?

Question

I caught my husband talking to a girl, who happens to be a stripper on msn. When I found out I spoke with her, I asked her if they had sex, she said no they only kissed once. They were suppose to meet up one night but he cancelled, come to find out it was the night of my birthday and we were fighting about the fact that I discovered a female name on his msn! I told him even though we were fighting I wanted him to celebrate with me, imagine if I didn't! Once I caught him talking to her again I lost it.He admitted that he was talking to her b/c we weren't having sex but it was just talk and he would never do it again. But now he denies it. He said that she's making it up and only admitted to it so that we can make up. I am so confused! I don't know what to believe. She has nothing to lie about, does she? This happened 2 years ago we are still together b/c I told him that i will give him another chance even though he denies everything. But it's still running through my head now and again

I only stayed because he continued to deny it and I was confused. But then in October of 2006 I found a profile of him (not his actual pic) on plenty of fish. He denies it again and said it was his friend's profile. Now we have a child together. My mom said that if it's just on the net we are safe, but if I catch him again (live) then take action. But I cant' trust him, I do love him.

This is my first time using a forum like this, I don't use the internet. I am only on here when he is working out and my daughter is sleeping. I don't have a computer at home, this is a laptop. So, I do have a real life thank you.

I think my problem is not sticking to my guns. The second time I packed my little girl up and wen to my parents for a week giving him a chance to pack out but he pled with me and told me that it wasn't him, that's when I talked with my mom and here I am.

Ronee? I did not come on her to be bitched at. If you can't give decent advice than you shouldn't be on here. Thank you.

I do think about my family and what I have to deal with if things are different. I always look for the good in people and I know that I dwell in the past and am killing myself over this. I can't help it but he is so inlove with his daughter and she lights up when she sees her daddy. I guess there will be signs if we weren't meant to be together. Obviously, something is keeping us together. Thanks.

Thank you everyone for being so supportive, all of your advices are great.

Answer 1

The decision is yours. First of all, she doesn't have a reason to lie. And a man will never admit to something he didn't do. (come on) Don't be naive. Its up to you, but if it happened two years ago, and your still with him, then you need to either get over it and continue to be with him or let it go, move on. Only you know if you are able to forgive and forget. You are still with him, so you obviously forgave him. The question is...can you get over it. The question is not "did it happen", you know it happened. If you decide to stay with him, then you need to get over it. You cant have one foot in saying your with him and one foot out because you are confused and unsure. You know it happened, so suck it up and continue on or spit him out and move on.

Answer 2

Please listen to me. The people that say you have already forgiven him are mad. The only reason you are staying with this man is because of your daughter and because you can't break his heart. I have been in your shoes and I'm telling you that you are better off without him. You've heard the expression "once a cheater, always a cheater?" well, cheating is in your heart and your head, more so than it is physical. He has already cheated with his heart and in his mind, and that is what matters. He will do it again. You need get a divorce. It will hurt like hell, it will be painful. When it is over you will be happy and free. You need to do this. You have the right to be happy! You need to exercise it. Only one life to live, they say. If you have children, he can see them on the weekends and you can have some "me time." Go for it girl, and never look back. Screw what other people think and follow your heart on this one. Two years and still not healed? It's never gonna. Divorce would suck for one day while you're in court. You'll feel like maybe you shouldn't break his heart. But one week later he'll be screwing around with some hooker and you might meet your soulmate. Best wishes and hold your ground honey!

Answer 3

Whoa! It seems to me a lot of people here are being far too harsh. I can only imagine that many of them don't have families of their own and so they're a bit callous in regard to the anxieties that coincide with a woman's objective to preserve her family and at what costs. Like you, sweetheart, I tend to fixate and dwell and overthink anything and everything that pertains to my family's well-being and future. It seems to me, however, that the number one reason this scenario is rearing its ugly head is that perhaps you're witnessing the recurrence of similar behaviors from two years ago. Proceed with caution and clear communication, but also with some *****. Certainly, there are men out there whose heads would easily turn in your direction...what's good for the goose is good for the gander--not that I suggest you make a game of this very serious situation. Be cautious and communicative first, but if those strategies don't get the results you're looking for, then consider flirting with the same rules by which he plays. Perhaps he will take it on himself then to be protector of his family's future. Good luck and shame on some of these others for not being more supportive.

Answer 4

This is tough because it is easy to stay and give him another chance but it is also hard to trust him again. I know because I have been where you are, and every time he was late or what I considered late I automatically assumed that he was cheating because hey, he did it once. My Ex actually cheated on me and it drove me nuts always wondering. It is hard to get that trust back that you once had, but if you are going to make it work then you are going to have to find away to let it go. Put it in the past and try to make your relationship work, and even spice it up and be happy together because life is too short to live it in misery. If you cannot let it go then it will eventually be what destroys your marriage. Good Luck and God Bless You!

Answer 5

dont pay attention to that ronee shes a dumb ***** who is probably the one going around wrecking marriages by being a whore just from what she said about your situation.
i went through something like this with my husband but he actually had sex with someone else and yours probably did too. the hardest part is not knowing the truth. i told my husband if you told me what really happened no lies i could move on easier. he finally did and i cried everytime i made love to him again after we got back together. i have forgave him i still think about it all the time and cry and hate him but eventually that goes away more and more. tell him you have to know the truth or you are leaving. if he tells you then he really loves you, but be sure to tell him you have to feel like hes being honest. if he cant do that then maybe you should move on. or the two of you need to try counceling to try and get over the issues or not get over them but deal with them. the rest will come in time.

Answer 6

Its going to keep running through your head because you know its true... what does the stripper have to lie about she's not wanting a relationship with him she's a stripper and I don't mean that in a bad way{I used to be a stripper) however she has no reason to lie and you know its the truth and you will never stop thinking about it even if he does admit to it so either you forget it and love your husband and know that you are his wife through thick and thin or you leave him.

Answer 7

The funny thing abou pseudo cheating, (not actually doing the deed) is that you can drive yourself absolutely nuts thinking about what coulda and woulda happened.
Let it go but keep your eye in him, because he is mischievious. If you catch hima again there has to be some consiquences for his actions. Most men cheat atleast once, your husband is trying it multiple times, that's something you can't just completely dismiss.

Answer 8

It sounds like he did in fact mess up! You forgave him 2 years ago, maybe its time to let it go and just move on with the future unless of course u think he is doing it again. If he does do it again, stick to your guns or else he will know that he can do this and get away with it.

Answer 9

i don't know.. i think i would be pretty mad at my husband if he was chattin' it up with another woman.. and if he says he just fessed up b/c he wanted to make up, i think he's full of cr@p. that doesn't even make sense! why would you admit it, and then later try to take it back? you can't take back stuff like that. if i were you, i would look into some marital counseling.. it could help, and if he doesn't want that.. and you don't trust him, then it's not worth it.. if you can't trust him then the relationship will never work out.. best of luck... hope things work out for you.

Answer 10

I don't think you should have forgiven him! That was cheating! And if he's doing it over the internet, chances are that he will do it in person. But if you absolutely want to work things out, you'll have to just forget it and move on.