I've been married for less than a year, in the past 7 month I have come to the conclusion that strange coincidences aren't just following my husband around, but that he's been lying to me our entire relationship. I have caught him in so many lies including things that i have evidence of (eg: found him logging into a dating site with a profile that had his description looking for intimate encounters, as well some emails from a woman indicating they were intimate with one another during our relationship.) He always has an explaination for these things, and now that I refuse to buy his explanation for things he is playing the victim, and making everyone believe that I am the one treating him badly and he is so hard done by. I want to leave him, I can't live like this, but I love him and in a way I feel sorry for him. I'm starting to wonder if he even knows the difference between the truth and a lie.
Does anyone have advise for me? Is anyone also in this situation?
2007-03-05 14:28:39 · 14 answers · asked by MsTrust 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At this point I don't even think he's cheating anymore, I don't have real evidence that he was other than that site and emails, but I lies about everything else under the sun, he's been recently trying to pin me with things like going into my email and msn behind my back and cahtting with my friends pretending to be me in order to get info on me. I know he is a good guy in there somewhere but he's manipulated me so much that I don't know what is up or down anymore what to believe and what is just my own paranoia. His family, our counsellor and our pastor all belive he is the victim and I'm just sqaubbling about petty things. On top of everything, I am sponsoring him so he can stay in the country and have been financially carrying our household for the past 7 month.
2007-03-05 14:45:42 · update #1
I did these things for him and am still with him because I love him.
2007-03-05 14:47:22 · update #2
I really do believe (maybe with out knowing it) he is brainwashing me into give him chance after chance.
2007-03-05 14:56:11 · update #3
Some men are extremely good at manipulating women - try to go and talk to people at a women's refuge - they will be more understanding than a counselor who he is also able to manipulate.
They will advise you on what is your best course of action - they have seen it all before - many women find themselves in situations like this. Stand up for yourself now and be strong before he does convince you that you are crazy!
You deserve better... and don't confuse love with other emotions.
2007-03-05 15:51:26 · answer #1 · answered by me2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a bad situation hun...You've been married in that short time, and he's doing those things..Get out now!!!!Its not your fault he is a liar and will only continue to hurt you. Do you want an STD or Aids? What if you bring kids into the situation and he pins the kids against you by his lies, or he ends up gone all the time with his "encounters" leaving you with all the responsibility of parenting. He sounds like he has a problem and needs some type of counseling. My advice is for you to remember you are worthy of love, trust, and honesty at all times. You deserve happiness...Best of luck to you.
2007-03-05 14:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by misstikal311 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he a different nationality from you?? Marriage for papers only??
A pathological liar does not believe he is telling a lie, everything he says he believes is the truth regardless of how others can see it.
You are wasting your time. Why do you feel sorry for him?? Feel sorry for yourself and get the h*ll out of there. I can tell you that the lies will just get worse and worse and he'll have you so confused that you will start to believe what he says. It will brainwash you. I'm talking from experience.
Sacrifice your so called Love, because its not real love
2007-03-05 14:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Nemo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don’t think he’s a pathological liar, he’s just a cheater. Cheaters always lie to cover up, and they always try to justify it by blaming someone else (ie if you treated him better, he wouldn’t be cheating).
And this started happening only 3 months into the marriage? You might need to rethink the whole being married to him thing. Feeling sorry for someone is a lousy reason to stay married to them. And you love him? I don’t know…personally, I’d find it pretty hard to love someone that constantly cheated on me. You deserve better than that.
2007-03-05 14:43:23 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will never ever change; just leave, dont look back. DO NOT have children, do NOT buy a house, DO NOT invest in counciling, JUST RUN!! Im not kidding; if you have any self respect AT ALL, then save your own life. No one needs this. The trust will never be there, and even if he goes on some "I swear I'll change" rant, know that it will only be temporary. THIS IS WHO HE IS, and you deserve more.
2007-03-06 03:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to tell what's going on here. Assuming your explanation is accurate, you should not live with a liar. End it now.
On the other hand, if you are just plain paranoid, maybe you need to get a counselor to run this by before you leave him.
2007-03-05 15:12:12 · answer #6 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he's only lying about encounters with other women, it's more like he's a pathological cheater.
If he lies about things in general, even relatively unimportant things, then he's also a pathological liar.
Either one is bad for a relationship. But it seems like cheating is a no-brainer. Why put up with that?
2007-03-05 14:38:06 · answer #7 · answered by PH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say gather your strength and leave now. It will be easier at 7 mos. than at 7 years after kids, etc. Believe me, the things you don't like now will just become magnified as time goes on. After a few years, it will be hard to remember what you did like about him...
2007-03-05 14:46:14 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one, love is believe. by potential of mendacity to you, how do you be attentive to he somewhat loves you? Is that a lie additionally? A lie no rely how small continues to be a lie. according to danger it replaced into how he replaced into stated or maybe it somewhat is an hassle-free way out for him. Regardless, to me, a lie is almost a suggestions zit. It hurts and additionally you be attentive to its there yet can,t see it. A lie by no potential maintains to be hidden. faster or later it comes back to hang-out the only that informed it. it somewhat is extra advantageous to tell the actuality and harm you presently because of fact it is going to likely be forgiven after a little while, than for you in looking the actuality later and entirely destroy regardless of you the two had jointly if it hasn,t already. Small lies develop into great lies. i be attentive to it isn,t hassle-free being jointly for see you later and feeling which you decide on him to flow on in existence. this is the frightening although of lack of self belief and occasional self-worth that makes you sense this way. My grandfather informed me a liar and thief run jointly. it extremely is, he who steals will mislead guard himself. it somewhat is a real asserting. you're able to be able to sense completely helpless yet actual you carry the top hand. If he had to pay help and replaced into with out you, it would get previous for him in a rush. If he extremely loves you he shouln,t make the main of you by potential of mendacity. you're able to desire to tell him that how do you be attentive to he isn,t mendacity whilst he says he loves you. Confront him and this provide you the respond you decide on. If he doesn,t delight in you, he will continuously be the liar he's now. the two stay with it or cope with it. after all, you have as lots perfect to a existence as he has.
2016-10-17 09:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is so hard to leave him if you just concentrate on his bad points? You seem to be trying to justify staying with him. You are probably just scared to be onyour own, well being on your own will much better than being with him!
2007-03-05 14:34:06 · answer #10 · answered by ACTS 4:12 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋