Me & my first boyfriend broke up 3 yrs ago & we went out for only a few months, but we became close very fast & had a very intense relationship. Our break-up was extremely dramatic & after that, I found it very hard to have feelings for anyone that were as strong as the ones I had for my ex. And after we broke up, he refused to remain friends & was very hostile towards me for really no reason at all considering he only broke up with me b/c we fought too much. I gave him my journal after we broke up & he apparently shot it with a rifle with his buddies. So he was very angry, as you can tell, after we broke up. To this day, I'm still not over what happened. Me & him haven't spoken in almost 2 years. I also heard through a mutual friend that he recently got engaged. Ever since then, whenever I'm with someone, I forget about him. But as soon as I'm alone again, I start thinking about him. I wish I knew why he hates me so much. How can I learn to let go? And will he ever stop hating me?
2007-03-05 13:59:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
After we broke up, he never gave me a reason as to why he was acting so hostile towards me & he still hates me after 3 years & refuses to talk to me. I tried talking to him every few months for about a year after we broke up, but he would just hang up on me or slam the door in my face every time, so I finally gave up back in 2005. But it still hurts b/c I don't know why he was so angry with me when he was the one who dumped me & it was only b/c we argued too often. It's not as if someone cheated or there was another awful reason for ending things. He just felt it wasn't working. So he dumped me. Does anyone know why he might hate me? I'm so confused & still so hurt that we can't be friends. I would love more than anything to go to his wedding, but I don't think he'll even talk to me.
2007-03-05 14:02:08 · update #1
You are having a difficult time for three main reasons. The first is the fact that you were left with some unanswered questions so you may feel that you missed out on something. The second reason is that you may subconciously feel that you will never find anyone that is as good looking or intimate with you. Looks like that is the reason why you don't allow anyone else to get as close or as intimate.
You need to start looking at yourself as a single "unit" where you don't overextend or compromise yours integrity for anyone else. You have to remember that you are the most important person, and that you have no time for individuals that couldn't care any less for you. I have a saying "I love you, but I love myself more," while it sounds harsh and selfish, it really isn't. What it means is that I am prepared to give 100% in a relationship, but if it comes down to having to let someone go because the relationship is hurtful, then it will be done.
Your exboyfriend may have been cheating on you the entire time, which would explain the sudden and unexplained disappearing act. Who knows. You also have to sit back and think, all those songs that remind you of him...do they really remind him of you? All those thought that you had of good times, does he think of them? If you answered no to any of these, it is time to realize that you have bigger and better things ahead of you.
2007-03-05 14:24:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be better if you step back from the situation for a while. Just wait him out. Wait for him to contact you. That might not be for a long time, but he most likely will.
By then you'll see things clearer. And then you can always decide if YOU want to have him back, or just be friends, or if he even really matters to you at all.
The rifle thing doesn't bode well though. I hate to say it. And giving him your journal...? WHY???? That's personal. He probably misinterpreted something that he read.
Plus, he's engaged now. So maybe you should just let him go. He can shoot his new fiancee's journal with a rifle, for all you should care.
There's a great saying:
Living well is the best revenge.
Get REALLY good at something. Preferably at something that he always thought you can't do. Or even better: do something that HE can do , but do it MUCH, MUCH Better!!! Making more money than him would be a start, for example. That should make him sorry that he treated you so badly.
Did you know that JK Rowling got badly dumped by her first husband? Now she's super-rich! I mean, that guy must be sorry from here to eternity... Serves him right!
Oh yeah - there's another saying:
Behind every successful woman is a man who let her down.
Well, that's enough sayings for today. But you get the idea, I guess.
2007-03-05 14:31:56 · answer #2 · answered by Nina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me guess, he was a heavy drinker and verbally abusive to you, am I way off base?
You fought too much? Then seriously, why do you want a relationship with him? He shot your journal with a rifle? How abusive. It also sounds like he has some anger management issues. Move on and look for a kind loving man. I'm also afraid that there may be some other issues with you that keep you from finding a non-abusive partner. You do have the right to be happy in a stable relationship with another person that doesn't include arguing or violence. Someone that truly loves you would not have shot your journal with a rifle. I'm willing to bet that you ex will not last long in any relationship that he gets involved with.
2007-03-05 14:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Gman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't want to do that, you have spent too much time thinking what might have been when the one for you is waiting on you. So sound sensitive, and caring a lot of men like that.
You have to quit looking back, and I know that is hard. I strongly believe you have a lot to give to another man, work on getting your self-esteem back, get involved in other things and that will take the hurt away.
You will never know why he was angry at you but that isn't your problem it is his. You have to first find yourself again before you can have a meaningful relationship with anyone.
Take care, I know you can do it
2007-03-05 14:17:18 · answer #4 · answered by Carlene W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this,but he still has feelings for you, other than 'hate'. It takes too much energy to 'hate' someone you were once involved with, you see? He is holding on in some way, but his animosity towards you is to keep you at bay.If you are truly over somebody, you neither hate nor love them, it's just someone from way back when.
It's probably to your advantage to forget about him and let him (and yourself) get on with your lives. He's ready to marry, so he's obviously trying to move on. You should do the same.
Good luck.
2007-03-05 14:16:23 · answer #5 · answered by Croa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't hate you. He's running from you. Give up on him. You had something to offer him that scared him and he couldn't handle it. Leave him alone, he has moved on. Find someone who is right for you.
2007-03-05 14:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by elimayme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋